22 December 2009

Daily Chat 22/12/09


The Battle of Chaumkar, in which 40 Sikhs held off thousands of Mughal troops to defend the life of Guru Gobind Singh and allow him to escape safely, took place in 1704.  Alfred Dreyfus was accused of treason in 1894.  A speed limit of 70 mph was set on all rural roads in Great Britain in 1965.  Brazilian trade unionist and environmentalist, Chico Mendes, was assassinated in 1988.  The Brandenburg Gate reopened in 1989.

Born today:  Jean Racine (1639-1699), Giacomo Puccini (1858-1924), Peggy Ashcroft (1907-1991), Maurice and Robin Gibb (1949.  Maurice died in 2003.) and Ralph Fiennes (1962).

It is Mother's Day in Indonesia.

250 comments:

  1. See the misogynists were out in force last night...

    Couple of points on this little nugget..

    "As my relative, who came out of Buchenwald concentration camp, always said "Living well is the best revenge.""

    ...sound advice as ever, from a classy laydee..but..

    Do boyfriends' uncles or a cousins' sister-in-laws really count as relatives?...any more than a chimp or Collobus monkey, I mean. Surely we can't just go around trying to leech moral authority from anyone we vaguely know or heard about in an opera.

    Also...by "living well", do you really suppose they meant living a lavish, decadent, undeserving, ostentatious (probably fictitious) life which you then try and rub in other people's faces?...then scream "misogynist" when they either ignore you or tell you how they feel about your 'adventures'...is that really "living well"?

    #It is Mother's Day in Indonesia.#

    And so I'd like to leave you this...it's from the menu of the local Thai restaurant...which is near enough to Indonesia... where it's a pretty safe bet someone's mother (probably Timorese) got some very shoddy treatment and had a close escape from genocide...

    "Happy faces, Happy fingers"...I'm fucked if I know what it means but it sounds good.

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  2. Morning all.

    Is CiF fuxx0rd this morning? I can't seem to get in.

    Happy faces, happy fingers... sounds like a pianist's motto.

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  3. Living well is the best revenge.

    George Herbert, metaphysical poet, 1593 - 1633.

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  4. "Living well is the best revenge."

    George Herbert, metaphysical poet, 1593 - 1633...and noted time traveller?

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  5. morning all!
    just a reminder also today in 2002 joe strummer died... here's to you joe... good memories

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  6. Apparently so, monkeyfish. Although I don't suppose that the bubblehead understands that when Herbert talks of 'living well', he actually means living a humble Christian life rather than drinking champagne, buying shoes, and going to the opera.

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  7. Polly Toynbee's calling for greater "justice in pay packets"...so presumably she'll be matching her future salary with that of the guy who wrote "happy faces, happy fingers"..at least once the 'Compass Pay Commission' lays down a standard national rate for nonsensical, non-sequitur, feel-good guff.

    However...she does makes one excellent point..

    "Good people might feel honoured by recent Essex university research showing "the nicer you are the worse you are likely to be paid".

    So..if I'm so 'nice'..how come CIF banned me? Judging by the 'contents' of my bank account, I should be swapping fluffy banter with Jess and Bell and Sebastian..and yet I've been banished to the outer reaches of the blogging galaxy to mine Zirclonium X from the Planet of Doom etc.

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  8. brace yourselves...article on the socially inept belgiums...so no doubt we're gonna hear pearls of wisdom today and an indepth analysis of social etiquette of the belgium chattering classes...

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  9. "socially inept begians"??..you mean the unattractive ones who lack breeding?...well you get that 'type' everywhere...I even know about a certain little blog full of all sorts of chippy little non-metropolitan types who like to sound off all the fuckin time but probably never sent a bottle of champagne anywhere in their puff.

    Anyways..whilst we're on the topic, I'd just like to point out that the reason the case of Crystal didn't make it to the Grapes last night was because I decided to make a charitable donation on behalf of all those present...a whopping big cheque made out to "The Sierra Leone Fund for Turandot".

    The plan is to stage a full-scale production of Turandot in Freetown some time in 2011. With sufficient aupport, we are hoping to keep the cheaper (tree or standing) tickets at around 5 times the average monthly income.

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  10. "Happy faces, happy fingers"
    Small add for a cut-rate blindfolded Roman orgy ?

    Anyways, I'm off sick today (sicker than normal) so will be dropping in.

    Music lovers - this Christmas, do yourself a favour and treat yourself to a copy of Ian Clayton's excellent Bringing it all Back Home. It's a sort of travelogue about music, and has moments of pure genius. Yorkshire lad, brought near up in Featherstone, penniless by abusive dad, found an escape through music. Lots of stuff about some of last century's musical geniuses, some of whom he managed to meet and get pissed with. Very nicely written, well worth six or seven quid from twaterstones.

    Anyone else read/reading Le Carre's Most Wanted Man ? Pretty good so far... heving a look at what ze cherman spies are getting up to post 9/11. Sehr Gut !!

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  11. thaumaturge, you asked

    "Oh FFS, "Job", how else would you describe falsely attacking women for being bad mothers because they happen to post on the internet, when you have never, ever, attacked a father for the same reason? And then making up lies about their children, and inputing that it's down to their being bad mothers - when, again, you have never done any such thing to a father?

    It is unfortunate that you also chose to opt for a sensationalist interpretation of my one liner about the apparently overly delicate Montana, who always needs to be protected from the world at large by her posse of chivalrous men and women. Has there ever been a time in the history of online communication when sixteen words - "I'm sure however that he appreciates the time you spend here as much as we do.", have been the cause of such consternation?

    You will remember that this entire issue arose from Montana's statement:

    "My white, working class son faces far more obstacles in his future than Malia Obama does in hers. That is what concerns me most."

    I chose to interpret this statement in the way Montana had herself intended it to be, as an issue of class. But I could quite easily have responded by accusing her of suggesting that those uppity blacks needed to remember their place in her white society.

    You will also recall that this exchange took place on the thread that followed Libby Brooks' excellent article "Time for a good scrap about what our feminism really is", a time when RapidEddie still lived with the impression that I was female, and where many of the UT and their fellow travellers conspired to ruin what was an excellent debate by posting a series of blatently sexist "jokes" about women and light bulbs.

    As for "making up lies about their children", who do you think it was who wrote this about her son for the entire online world to see?

    "Hank, no more cider today. I'll wait 'til the next time the sprog spends the night with his grands for that. TBH, the "Just say no to drugs" crap they feed them at school seems to have taken hold with him pretty strongly thus far and he's pretty uncomfortable with me drinking. He seems to think I'll become a full-blown drunk if I have any alcohol at all."

    I'll deal with your other claim in my next post.

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  12. Nothing to see here. Move along now.

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  13. Happy Christmas everyone!

    Butter or marg in mince pie pastry: discuss!

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  14. I watched Nigella's Xmas last night...felt like a bit of aspirational lifestyle porn..fuck me..that girl can eat

    If you missed it, it's like normal food but she thinks up ingenious ways of incorporating butter and double cream into any unfilled spaces...no lard, unfortunately BW..maybe you should write to her and point this out.

    At one point she told me "tinned lychees remind me of my childhood"..WTF does that mean?
    Didn't know whether to think...

    "TINNED!!!...you arriviste upstart"

    Or

    "What the friggin hell's a lychee?"...then I remembered a piece I'd read in the Belgian Journal of Advanced Etiquette and remembered that they're the things you eat with the twisty thing between the scallop fork and the asparagus prong...'it's the best revenge'.

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  15. MF

    "Nigela in Lard"

    It's a portrait just itching to get painted...

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  16. Liar. You also suggested her son had problems with underage drinking, which is why people lost it with you.

    You are a detestable piece of work, Job, you really are.

    But worse than that, you are a creep and a stalker. That is why people don't like you. Anyone who keeps an archive of all their own posts and spends their time sifting through pages and pages of what other people have written arguably has serious mental health issues, imo. It has become an obsession with you.

    Jog on.

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  17. Dotterel
    Butter. Not lard (apparently)
    Hope this helps.

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  18. Dot - my mum always used Echo marg for her baking, (largely because we couldn't have afforded to use that much butter in those days, which was strictly for toast and sandwiches, not cooking.) Her cakes and pastries were always spot on.

    I am crap at baking - that gene must have passed me by - so I buy JusRol. Ooops.

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  19. I've been using half butter and half white flora (which looks like lard, but isn't) before that I used half marg and half white flora, anyone know what Nigella uses?

    I saw some of her last night too, going to try that rocky road later..........

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  20. BB... walk away from the gun... nice and easy now... nice and easy.... ok ?

    :-)

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  21. Tinned lychees remind me of cheap chinese restaurants. Love lychees though. Kind of like eating a sweet eyeball...

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  22. #Has there ever been a time in the history of online communication when sixteen words - "I'm sure however that he appreciates the time you spend here as much as we do.", have been the cause of such consternation?#

    er...I won't answer this directly..just point out that you're confusing what you get up to online with an activity that has any objective significance...never mind 'historical'..did you actually count the words btw?

    You're turning into the J Edgar Hoover of the blogging world BTH..files on fuckin everything...and a taste for women's underwear no doubt.

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  23. BW - guns don't kill people. People kill people.

    People with guns faced with utter lying little toe-rags who annoy the bejebus out of them...

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  24. BW - guns don't kill people. Lard kills people.

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  25. Ok, but let's just put down the carbine.... nice and easy now... nice and easy... Timothy Spall... net curtains... grubby pants and vest... ring any bells ?

    Nice and easy now... let's go out the easy way here...

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  26. Incidentally...my first post monkeyfish alias was Captain Lard as I recall..think so anyway..perhaps BTH can consult his records and confirm that for me?

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  27. MF That may be... just stand clear of the crazy lawyer's gimp and no-one will get hurt ok ?

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  28. BB

    3.5 oz butter, cold from the fridge and grated into the bowl

    3.5 oz White flora, chopped

    14 oz plain white flour

    Get hands really cold by running them under the cold tap, dry, rub fat into flour until it resembles bread crumbs, then add cold water a little at a time first using a fork, then when about half the mixture is sticking together in big lumps sticky your hands in and mix in the rest to form a ball. Knead for a minute or two (including throwing hard at the kitchen surface, very therapeutic...........). Put in the fridge for at least an hour, or until you need it (up to 24 hours later).

    Baking is therapy.....

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  29. Captain Lard! Excellent! :o)

    Nowt wrong with lard. In fact, if you are making a savoury pie-crust pastry, half lard to marg makes for a really light crispy pastry. When other people do it, that is.. not me.

    I can make a mean shortbread though - all butter, natch. Because that doesn't require any light-n-fluffiness at all.

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  30. when sixteen words - "I'm sure however that he appreciates the time you spend here as much as we do.", have been the cause of such consternation?

    Yet again, BTH you expose yourself as a shameless fucking liar. You also said about her 9 year old son:

    If my memory serves me right, MontanaWildhack has previously, both her own website and I believe on CiF, made public pronouncements about her son, some of them as I recall that were not exactly complimentary. Teenage drinking comes to mind.

    You didn't apologize for that on the thread at the time, and now you come here and pretend that it didn't even happen. Nobody here buys your disingenuous bullshit, so why don't you just fuck off.

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  31. of course that's "stick" your hands in....

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  32. scherf, would you like my fruitcake recipe?

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  33. Thanks for the recipe, Dot. I might give that a try over the hols and see if it comes out lighter than the usual lean-mix concrete I manage to end up with when pastry-making...

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  34. thaumaturge, let me now deal with your claim that I have never written about the responsibilities of fathers. My impression is that I do little else. I posted my riposte to NapoleonKaramazov, (on here 2 days ago), about why more women than men died as a result of the Tsunami. And over the past couple of years I've posted about feckless fathers over a dozen times on CiF. So here's a selection, including one in response to one of yours when you wrote:

    "I would like to see Millytante write a piece ATL. She has some very interesting opinions that could be expanded on."

    and I replied:

    Could I second thaumaturge's plea and to back it up here's Millytante in full flow - one long and one short. Enjoy:)

    "No culture, no tradition, no religion, no race and no men have a right to abuse women. There can be no moral justification for this kind of behaviour."

    Here's a few more:

    "This thread has descended into a private bickering match so in order to revive it would Mr Hill and others like to comment on the likely outcome of every man in the capital following Mr
    Livingstone's example and fathering five children by three different mothers?"

    "Since time immemorial, men have been fathering children and abandoning them. Recently we've decided that if they're old enough to procreate they're old enough to take responsibility."


    "Sarfraz Manzoor's late father should have been the one to go to evening classes to learn how to
    be a civilized individual. Then maybe he'd have learnt how to treat his wife as an equal and
    encouraged her to learn English, deal with business people, government departments, the
    children's schools and so on."

    "Teacup and others are right to point out that missing from Tom Harris' article is any mention of the fathers who generally speaking are older than the girls they make pregnant. So here's a
    suggestion for you and Mr Field. Make the payment of child benefits dependent on the mother and father being identified and accepting responsibility for the long term care of their child. We have adopted this approach with absentee fathers and if young men with too much sperm and too few brains realise they're going to be held responsible for their sexual pastimes, they might just act a little more responsibly."

    "So where are these men who are prepared to share the childcare, the cleaning and the cooking, the ironing and the shopping? Can you get them on ebay?"

    "The justice in the family courts is because time and again, wayward fathers have shown
    themselves to be so irresponsible in providing for their offspring, preferring instead to to prance about in high places dressed up like cartoon characters.
    Get back to the dishes I say providing they can find the sink :)"

    "OK I've read your third article - another case study in which the aggrieved father claims:
    'I did all the things a father or a mother does: I took them to school, cooked their tea, helped organise birthday parties, and was just there for them. To me there wasn't a distinction between what a father does and what a mother does.'

    "It's not exactly a demanding or comprehensive list of tasks is it? And presumably the judges
    would have asked the children what they wanted and taken their wishes into account. "

    "Nine out of ten single parents who bring up their children are woman.
    Nine out of ten single parents who abandon their children are men.
    So when children ask where their father is, what do you expect their mothers to say to them?
    If you're really worried about the 'feminisation' of bringing up boys, why don't you direct a few comments at their absent fathers, rather blame their mothers?"

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  35. My favourite pastry...Greggs...baking as therapy's no use to me...if I ever go down the therapy route I want shitloads of anti-psychotics.

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  36. oh guys all this talk of butter and lard is giving me flashbacks to "Last Tango in Paris"

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  37. Oh FFS BTH..lighten up...nobody's reading it

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  38. Thanks Dot, put it up and I'll make it with my daughter (not with her as an ingredient, I hasten to add - she likes baking).
    I have a Xmas cake already, and I made two Xmas puddings a month ago (no suet so I used baking margarine with Omega-3! Worked well, although I wonder if lard would have been better?)

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  39. I'd like to make an igloo out of lard

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  40. Peggy was 22ish when the above picture was taken by Paul Tanqueray in 1929.

    A fine actress, who as with many adorable ladies and all decent reds, improved with age. She really was an outstanding performer.

    An erotic yarn by the title of "In Praise of Older Women" informed my understanding of women as a youngster and I've never really changed my mind since. I just loves em, they have such interesting things to say whilst getting on with the business.....

    I think when I come off the wagon in a few days time my first toast will be "To older women everywhere"

    My second will be..."To all lady librarians".., who climb ladders before testosterone fuelled wide eyed young boys..." Phew many a dream.

    For gods sake don't anyone mention "the stack" a library place associated with the wildest of my librarian dreams.

    Life is good.

    Sheff made smile yesterday with her observation on the "enthusiasm" of small businessmen of the East.

    My beloved, sometime wife, enjoyed breaks with a sadly departed Glaswegian lady friend on the Nile. They were both much amused by the crazed attention of the traders at the usual tourist sites.

    Nothing quite like being offered the deal of a lifetime in the shadow of the Pyramids, and all at "Asda Price" and having your arse patted at the same time.

    Sounds like you are having lots of fun Sheff which is good news.

    MF - I quite liked the following riposte to Ms Expat

    millymoll
    22 Dec 2009, 12:58AM

    As my relative, who came out of Buchenwald concentration camp, always said: "It was my experience; don't you dare use it to justify yourself in your petty squabbles". And then she gave me a slap I'll never forget. Only one I deserved"

    There seems to be some confusion about where the winter solstice fell this year (today or yesterday). Fuck em, for me it was yesterday so today from me it's

    "Happy New Year" everybody.

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  41. Job

    Waffle waffle waffle. You were already told on the thread by Jay, I think it was, when you regurgitated this shite the first time that you were deliberately obfuscating.

    You have never attacked a CiF poster who is a father for spending too much time on the internet, for drinking, or for being a bad father, whereas twice now you have seen fit to mete out your approbation to mothers in terms.

    So stop lying again. Oh, wait. You can't, can you?

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  42. ".... the apparently overly delicate Montana, who always needs to be protected from the world at large by her posse of chivalrous men and women..."

    Are you soft in the head? - I don't think so, you speak of a fine woman who if she wished could captain the all USA wrestling team. Tosser"

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  43. gandolfo

    Yeah..yeah...anyone can do it when you've got one of those Gurkha machete things...I'm doing mine with a fish slice and ice cream scoop...that takes real flair.

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  44. Poor Bru. She feels under attack so she reacts - and acts pre-emptively - to counter it but just goes too far, and then that leaves her open to attack again. It is such a shame, but it is turning into a vicious spiral now.

    Her heart is generally in the right place, but her outbursts on here were well out of order - especially the ones directed at MF and Montana which were bonkers - and now she has gone into siege mode and will keep lobbing out these phrases in an attempt to protect herself.

    I am actually quite sad about it. Time for a truce?

    Yes I know I sound like Oprah. I can't help it. It's the time of year. Makes me all soft.

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  45. Deano - the new year hasn't started yet. We are officially in the Roman Saturnalia period now, aren't we?

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  46. "Poor Bru. She feels under attack so she reacts - and acts pre-emptively - to counter it but just goes too far, and then that leaves her open to attack again."

    So all she's gotta do is stop having little digs at people...no? But she doesn't seem able...so she'll keep getting it back.

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  47. I'll start baking some peace cakes, fruit cake recipe tomorrow (sorry, haven't got it on me, doh!)

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  48. gandolfo

    " oh guys all this talk of butter and lard is giving me flashbacks to "Last Tango in Paris"

    I always wondered if it was best Brittany salted with sea crystal salt - I was pretty sure it wasn't Lurpak.

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  49. Lard Sculputure of Nigella ?... hmmm... my day's work has finally begin. MF, can I borrow the scoop ?

    ....

    BB, yer heart's too big me lass ;-)

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  50. BeautifulBurnout:

    "Liar. You also suggested her son had problems with underage drinking, which is why people lost it with you."

    Hardly County Court etiquette that, is it? My actual words were:

    "If my memory serves me right, MontanaWildhack has previously, on both her own website and I believe on CiF, made public pronouncements about her son, some of them as I recall that were not exactly complimentary. Teenage drinking comes to mind."

    Now at the time I was referring to a discussion about how to keep teenagers out of their parent's drinks cabinet, which I'm sure I didn't imagine, but Montana's quote about "a full-blown drunk" should be sufficient evidence for my learned friend.

    You continue:

    "Anyone who keeps an archive of all their own posts....."

    Never kept a diary MrsB?

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  51. MF - yes I know, you're right. But like I said, it is a vicious spiral. We have digs, she has digs, and so it goes on. Like two compounds in a chemical reaction, if one of the compounds changes, the reaction doesn't happen.

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  52. When I am in the County Court I will keep to County Court etiquette, Job. While I am on here I will talk the way I bloody well choose to, thanks.

    Don't try and justify what you said about Montana and her son. There is no justification for it. Smearing people on a public forum by attacking them via their children is despicable and cowardly.

    Still, if you aren't intelligent enough to come up with proper arguments to refute someone's point, I guess all you are left with is Dolly-Draper-esque smear and innuendo in your arsenal, really.

    I ought to feel sorry for you really rather than despising you. Sadly at this stage I don't, because there is absolutely nothing in anything you have posted on this website since you turned up here like a hair in everyone's soup that shows that you are anything more than a self-obsessed, self-righteous narcissist.

    Perhaps, given time, we might be able to converse on a different level. But you have some serious ground to make up before I will accord you the least bit of respect.

    And what you do is not comparable to "keeping a diary". It is weird and obsessive and, frankly, stalkerish.

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  53. Ms Burnout,

    Perhaps you would like to throw this large lump of pastry at a "work surface" to knead it for me?

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  54. BB - You are egging me on now-


    "..Seneca the Younger wrote about Rome during Saturnalia around AD 50 (Sen. epist. 18,1-2):
    It is now the month of December, when the greatest part of the city is in a bustle. Loose reins are given to public dissipation...."


    Right that's done it - I off down the library to ask my new friend if she wants another part time job ghosting my memoir "A Goat Amok in the Stack"

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  55. Yay! Fish Heads!!
    Haven't heard that for donkey's years!

    Fish heads, fish heads
    Roly Poly fish heads
    Fish heads, fish heads
    Eat them up, yum!

    \o/

    Now why does that take my brain in a kangeroo-leap to Sigue Sigue Sputnik?

    Same era?

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  56. Dot - like Mrs Blair/Ms Booth, I am MrsB at home and Ms B in front of the judges. What I was saying the other day about all female barristers being "Miss". Never "Madam". Weird, though.

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  57. BTH

    "If my memory serves me right.."

    "which I'm sure I didn't imagine.."

    Come on BTH, you little acrobat, you can't have it both ways..either you've got an extensive records system or you haven't...don't try this shit.

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  58. BB
    No - Fish Heads was released in 1978. Barnes and Barnes' only other release was "Boogie Woogie Amputee", which failed to chart for some reason.

    SSS were full on mid-eighties silliness. They were a bit like Frankie - brash and glam, but they couldn't actually play (well apart from Tony James and Neil X), but that was no problem.

    Did someone mention Andrew Eldritch the other day ? Tony James ended up in the third (fourth?) lineup of Sisters of Mercy - the only goth band I "understood"...

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  59. Sorry BB, got a bee in my bonnet about titles, some people use "Miss" or "Mrs" as derogatory terms.....

    (Of course I agree that you can choose to call yourself whatever you like)

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  60. People, people, cmon, it's christmas - where's your seasonal spirit? Now is not the time to bicker and abuse each other. It's the time of year when everyone, everywhere, should come together to rip the lungs out of that poisonous hypocritical cunt Polly Toynbee.

    There. That's better.

    BTW, I note that since the ciffies thread no one has been demanding my return to CiF, kindly remedy the situation or there will be further executions.

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  61. Morning Frank. Merry Christmas ya bastard! :o)

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  62. monkeyfish

    If you're offering to help that's great. My recollection is the discussion was on this site and involved at least Montana and Anne Tan. But it was a long time ago. As you know until the recent suspension of my posting privileges on CiF was engineered, I had no reason to visit this place, other than as a casual observer.

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  63. There was some good support for you Pikey.

    The suggestion that there might be a ceremony, in which both you and MAM might be caught and toasted with same match, having a particular appeal.

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  64. Dot - spot on. I don't particularly allow that to worry me so much though. I am happy no matter what I am called as long as it's not late to dinner.

    *Badum ching*

    Thangyouverymuch, I'm here all week!

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  65. "As you know until the recent suspension of my posting privileges on CiF was engineered..."

    Idiot. Nobody engineered anything. I reported you for abuse a fortnight or more before you were banned. The only "engineering" was your own stupidity.

    See what I mean about self-righteous narcissism? It couldn't possibly be because you post ad hom rubbish with monotonous regularity. It has to be a conspiracy!!

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  66. until the recent suspension of my posting privileges on CiF was engineered ?????????????

    You're a laugh a minute, mate. I heard that the Knights Templar were behind your banning, but others say that it was the Bilderberg folk. Still, I know how you feel. Everybody's out to get me too. The bastards!

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  67. "As you know until the recent suspension of my posting privileges on CiF was engineered..."

    "engineered" Oh fuck off..you got banned like the rest of us...er..me

    If you're claiming some underhand shenanigans at the heart of the patriarchal establishment..then I'm being the victim of a viscous whispering campaign at some of the most exclusive Islington dinner parties, as the bourgeois idiots exacted a cruel revenge by silencing their most deadly interweb foe etc etc

    If the fuckers wanted revenge then, as you know, they should have just "lived well"..oh fuck me...they do...they're a bunch of talentless, uninformed, patronising, condescending nobodies who make a fortune writing liberal fluff by numbers..why wasn't that enough for them?..had to grab that pound of flesh as well..bastards!

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  68. Good rant MF. I think I'd prefer a total ban to this endless premod caper (three months, no replies to emails). It's like they're messing with my mind... Oh wow, a robin just ate some lard !

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  69. OK UTers. Off to do the last bit of Christmas Shopping. I've got my Rosa Klebb spikey shoes on again just in case.

    BBL x

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  70. then I'm being the victim of a viscous whispering campaign at some of the most exclusive Islington dinner parties, as the bourgeois idiots exacted a cruel revenge by silencing their most deadly interweb foe etc etc

    You as well!?!

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  71. Bitey,

    There are times on CiF/UT whatever when everyone finds themself just plain Wrong, and there are times, rarely admittedly, when most posters will just give it up and admit they were wrong, or they were insensitive, or they were rude, whatever. After a fleeting moment of indignity, its then forgotten about usually.

    Just give it up. A couple of quips on the internet is not adequate grounds to slur someone's mothering skills.

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  72. You as well!?!

    Indeed..and Hank.

    Thing is when you do it, they just think you're a small-minded little Englander...cannon fodder for the likes of that "brilliant polemicist" Sunny Hundal to obliterate with one of his outstanding feats of logical aerobatics..when I do it they seem to think...

    "Left?? Left??..hang on..we ARE the fuckin Left...ban the twat!!"

    ReplyDelete
  73. Hi Jay - did you know you get a 'golden welcome' if you become a maths teacher?

    ReplyDelete
  74. Actually Pikey, i think i did mention you on another thread with regard to the "ciffies", maybe waddya, your beard is missed old boy, rest assured.

    Polly is a hypocrite, yes, but i did like her article today, i think the idea of maximum pay ratios in firms and public sector is superb, both morally and economically. Hypocrisy is the bread and butter of Guardian lecturing, so if there's at least some decent ideas too I feel obliged to ignore it.

    My all time favourite piece of pollyocrisy was when she bemoaned the opulence of people spending £200k on a watch, something they wear every day, when has probably spent £300k on a Tuscan villa just for a bit sunbathing twice a year.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Is anyone else wondering what a viscous whispering campaign is?

    ReplyDelete
  76. Hi Deano, hope alls well with mungo and yourself,

    "did you know you get a 'golden welcome' if you become a maths teacher?"

    I did yeah, was rather enticing i must say, but i just keep hearing such horror stories from teachers I dont think i can really entertain the idea any longer. I might give up on the "career" idea and just mooch about from job to job and try and do an MA or two part time as i go, see what comes along; the life of a waster beckons.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. Whatever made you think I was suggesting anyone here was an engineer? The problem they have at CiF is that my devastating, you might say biting critiques produce such a mountain of obscene and abusive posts in response, that the mods have their work cut out for hours sorting out the mess. So no hard feelings from me, I just think it's a pity about all that swearing in front of the children.

    ReplyDelete
  78. "Is anyone else wondering what a viscous whispering campaign is?"

    Its a unique form of whispering found mainly among Peruvian mountain farmers that is both loud and solid but the sound only travels a few metres, so as not to alert predators whilst still allowing communication.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Job ROTFLMAO you are BrusselsLout and I claim my £5!

    ReplyDelete
  80. "The problem they have at CiF is that my devastating, you might say biting critiques produce such a mountain of obscene and abusive posts in response, that the mods have their work cut out for hours sorting out the mess."

    You as well!?!

    ReplyDelete
  81. i think the idea of maximum pay ratios in firms and public sector is superb, both morally and economically.

    For the public sector sure; they're paid far too much at the top; for the private sector it's no one else's business. If it was my firm, well I might adopt such a measure, but someone else may choose to do otherwise and it's nothing to do with me what they do.

    ReplyDelete
  82. "The problem they have at CiF is that my devastating, you might say biting critiques produce such a mountain of obscene and abusive posts in response,"

    Alright, admit it, Bitethehand is a satirical character. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Cheers Jay, of course!: it's not the first time the Islington dinner party set have imported traditional crafts from those darling Peruvian mountain farmers!

    ReplyDelete
  84. "Whatever made you think I was suggesting anyone here was an engineer?"

    I don't mind being called an engineer BTH, and I've always considered you to be a bit of a spanner as well.

    ReplyDelete
  85. "For the public sector sure; they're paid far too much at the top; for the private sector it's no one else's business. If it was my firm, well I might adopt such a measure, but someone else may choose to do otherwise and it's nothing to do with me what they do."

    Well firstly many private firms are running public monopolies. That is the taxpayers business. They are paid obscenely for running things with zerp competition.

    Secondly a huge portion of firms work in very uncompetitive markets, like the banks and supermarkets. Where market failures occur the state must be allowed to heavily clip their wings, even if you dont support interference all round.

    Pay is everyone's business, we all contribute to and fund this society and its infrastructure, and policing and judiciary, that allows these firms and people to make their obscene wealth.

    Wealth inequality also has effects for everyone, it correlates highly with crime, antisocial behaviour, drink and drug abuse, poor school performace, just about everything. It has a big effect on wider society, it is not just the firms business.

    ReplyDelete
  86. In a flash of desperation - I mean, inspiration - last night, I've decided to re-brand and relaunch the Whiffies as The Twelve Days Of Whiffmas. It's probably overoptimistic to expect enough people to have the time and patience to produce a full list of the worst of CiF all at once, so I'm breaking it down into bite-sized chunks.

    Each day over Christmas, I'll be asking, and possibly begging, for your vote in a single category. (I'll be down the coast for 4-5 days, visiting my venerable dad, so in reality, they're only be 6 or 7 categories.)

    Today's votes are asked for Worst Contributor of the Year

    So far we have:

    RapidEddie: Polly Toynbee

    HankScorpio: Geoffrey Alderman

    Any other stinkers leap to mind?

    ReplyDelete
  87. "Is anyone else wondering what a viscous whispering campaign is?"

    Obviously you aren't too well versed in either fluid dynamics or media-sector, self-preservational, mythic social constructs.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Worst Contributor of the Year..and every year

    Polly Toynbee

    ReplyDelete
  89. Morning all.

    MonkeyFish

    The plan is to stage a full-scale production of Turandot in Freetown some time in 2011. With sufficient aupport, we are hoping to keep the cheaper (tree or standing) tickets at around 5 times the average monthly income.

    Could we connect this with the mentions the other day of Nastassja Kinski and then link it with Werner Herzog's Fitzcarraldo, starring Klaus Kinski?

    Brilliant film.

    Pikey

    What's the death tally so far?

    Are you in Blair's league yet?

    ReplyDelete
  90. MF

    "Obviously you aren't too well versed in either fluid dynamics or media-sector, self-preservational, mythic social constructs."

    Nope, neither are my areas of expertise, although I have memorised the phrase "mono-molecular chemical lagging" and could tell you what it means........

    ReplyDelete
  91. "mono-molecular chemical lagging"..yep..I bet there was some of that going on as well..that Islington set will go to any length to silence me.

    Atomboy

    "..link it with Werner Herzog's Fitzcarraldo, starring Klaus Kinski?"

    Sorry mate..but your misogyny is all too evident. Any attempts to introduce hare-brained cultural jaunts in the jungle to the conversation are simply schemes to bring up "Heart of Darkness" and deluded Belgians..you should feel ashamed Atomboy..if you were a real man you'd stick to shoes and soup spoons.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Right I'm off to brave the lard/snow stuff and get Mrs Fish her traditional Christmas gift. You can't go wrong with a crate of Stella...there's something for everybody...one of these days she might even get a taste for it.

    ReplyDelete
  93. RapidEddie
    5. The Identity Politics Race For Victimhood Award
    My vote goes to Marianne Kirby too fat to fly

    Contained this wonderful piece of advice - 'And, if you're really aching for a comfortable trip and you're truly afraid of sitting next to a fat person, an option already exists! It's called buying a first class ticket.'

    The logic here is stunning. Not being able to fit in your own seat due to another's size magically becomes 'truly afraid of' fat people, and the fearful and prejudiced ordinary punter somehow becomes the 'offender'. Said bigot is then economically punished by having to splash out an extra $1000 or so for the plane-ticket. Hit the fattist fuckers in their wallets! Superb stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  94. New word for the day:

    "Pantriloquist" - someone who gives every impression that they're talking out of their arse.

    ReplyDelete
  95. scherf,

    That's one more piece of evidence to convince me that the CiF team have a list of "Button pushers" up on the office wall, minimum 1 per article....

    ReplyDelete
  96. YO GOOD PEOPLE PLEASE TO REMEMBER TO PUT SOME WATER OUT FOR THE BIRDS

    In extreme cold spells many birds die of thirst and not just a lack of food - the ice on the water troughs here in the Yorks Wold is now three inches thick. I carry a hammer to break it through when I am out walking.

    We had an amazing hoar frost (the one that makes all the trees look as though they were liberally dusted with icing sugar) last night, and then this morning for two brief five minute periods a cloak of heavy mist moved quickly across the land. The resulting double/triple hoar frost is truly amazing and something I've never seen before.

    The sharply defined and very beutiful ice crystals that form in hoar frosts were at least triple the normal size. Close up, in the sunshine, they hung among the pine needles and thrusting stems of dried grass like millions upon millions of glistening shards of sparkling leaded glass.

    I must get off and get some extra victuals for a wren and robin who live close by and often fly into my environs.

    DON'T FORGET THE WATER FOLKS

    ReplyDelete
  97. If my memory serves me right (and I’ll have to rely on memory, because I don’t currently have access to my enormous cross-referenced database containing all postings anyone and everyone has made on the entire internet, ever) we used to have some blurb at the top of the page which suggested that trolls would be ignored.

    Just thought I’d drop that casually into the conversation; can’t imagine why…

    ReplyDelete
  98. Perfect memory Andy my friend - it also used to say we are here for fun, and so I am.

    There were at least 51 houses in Silkstone Row - watch this space for the final tally!

    ReplyDelete
  99. deano, I guess that depends on your definition of fun. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  100. Afternoon, Mr Fisher. Some of us do miss your contributions. Might not have always agreed with 'em, but worthwhile all the same, unlike some others who've left the CiF arena. I still disagree with anyone being banned, mind: even meritless guff should be aired and open to view.Premod is just a pain in the arse (having experienced it myslef for letting rip into the most egregious and sycophantic NewLab cheerleaders and their sickening support for illiberal authoritarianism)

    ReplyDelete
  101. Scherfig - book you drew attention to yesterday looks interesting. I'll see what's in my stocking this year and then may use a token on it. Thanks.

    My definition of fun involves being locked in a library. "stack" overnight with a charming lady librarian..

    Come to think of it I think that there were some suspenders locked in there with us too.

    ReplyDelete
  102. MonkeyFish

    ..you should feel ashamed Atomboy..if you were a real man you'd stick to shoes and soup spoons.

    Yes, suitably chastened and shamed.

    At the risk of slithering like a slinky off the naughty-step and being sent back there with burning cheeks and eyes bulging with incipient tears, could we have an informal Shitdribble of the Year Award?

    There needs to be something to balance all the sweetness and sickly sentimentality - and lard - of the traditional Winterval.

    I am never quite fully-functioning without at least a two-minute hate each day.

    ReplyDelete
  103. andysays
    Well said me old mucker!

    Deano30
    You just get worse, heh. A librarian called "Samantha" no doubt - I'm sure you're related to Humphrey Lyttleton somewhere along the line. Long may you reign Sir !

    AlisdairCameron
    Premod = pain in the arse. Indeed ! Made three perfectly reasonable comments which never materialised this am, but published similarly anodyne one aok yesterday evening. Perhaps it's down to the individual moderator on duty, and how cold it is in their hut ?

    ReplyDelete
  104. Is a gynaecologist for men a nobstatrician ?

    ReplyDelete
  105. "Contained this wonderful piece of advice - 'And, if you're really aching for a comfortable trip and you're truly afraid of sitting next to a fat person, an option already exists! It's called buying a first class ticket.'"

    In complete agreement Schirf, Kirby's attempt to make being 40 stone equivalent to being born black or female is just stomach churning. She really thinks she is an oppressed martyr braving the bigotry of the masses. A worthless moron.

    And you just know if you arrived at your seat to find her oozing across it she would stare at you with a look of "dont you dare say a word!", but she would be hoping you did so she could unleash a tirade of fatuous identity twaddle on you.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Thanks MF and scherfig for chipping in! I've started cut-and-pasting over onto the Whiffies blog, so I can keep track.

    There may be worse writers than la Toynbee, but to be paid so much, to say so little marks her out for me as one of a kind. Relentless shit in the pursuit of propping up her mates. If she ever had any principles or insight, they lie bleached and dead in the Tuscan sun.

    As for Geoffrey Alderman, I'll put my hands up and say I'm not familiar with his œuvre (that's fancy French for 'egg' you know). He'd have to be spectacularly crap to beat Pol as Worst Contributor.

    My own Shitdribbler of The Year would be Monbiot for a toxic mix of self-righteousness, paranioia and egotism. "Self-fucking-imposed flying fucking ban", my self-cleaning fucking arse.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Salaams Job the dark comforter...aka bitey. Is that really you? After all that has passed can't think why you'd want to join us on the UT, there must be places that would be more congenial. One of the deeper pits of hell perhaps? Still, theres no accounting for self inflicted pain.

    Sorry to be a bore about my hols but was in a small pleasure boat this morning, chugging up the Bosphorous when we were hauled over by the harbour masters launch, papers were requested of the bloke at the wheel, which it would seem were unsatisfactory as he was hauled off. Fortunately the chap who made the tea knew what to do and after a bit of wobbling about we were underway again. Bloody bureaucrats get everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  108. "YO GOOD PEOPLE PLEASE TO REMEMBER TO PUT SOME WATER OUT FOR THE BIRDS"

    Got that BW...WATER!!!..not fuckin LARD...this obsession of yours is turning you into a pantriloquist I'm afraid mate

    ReplyDelete
  109. Mind...I've got a little 'scene' going on now where I'm flying Ryanair to Benidorm in a special narrow budget seat and Nigella squeezes in next to me all greased up...no first class available so I've just got to put up with it.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Why do I fear that those of us with some sort of "safe search" filter are about to be booted off the UT by our browsers?......

    ReplyDelete
  111. monkeyfish, a little tip for you - take your own lardy nibbles into that 'scene'. The lard they serve on Ryanair is rubbish and really, really expensive. Plus, you could impress Nigella with your culinary skills and gently feed those luscious titbits to her 'mouth to mouth'. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  112. scherf

    Way ahead of you mate..I pack one of my antique silver lardspoons and a selection of hand made lardettes (from a little Lardiserie I heard about from a well-bred business contact)whenever I fly chav-class.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Good stuff, fish. That sort of planning ahead usually gets you a snog from upper-class bints who fancy a bit of educated rough. btw,I once met a woman from Brussels who had never eaten lard in her life. Never even heard of it! She's 25 stone now.

    ReplyDelete
  114. This is not just any Lard-porn,

    This is U&T Lard-porn.............

    ReplyDelete
  115. Sheff, what's the lard like in Istanbul? Will you be bringing any home with you?

    ReplyDelete
  116. Hahahahah!

    Just got back in from The Hell of Incessant Grocery Shopping and the lard jokes are cheering me up no end. Especially as I am a bit lardy meself (although I don't need more than one airline seat, thank f00k.)

    Worn out now. Haven't even started wrapping presents yet. And I've got to work tomorrow. Still, while the laddos are out of my hair I might just sit and wrap pressies while watching telly.

    When I was a kid I had no idea whatsoever the lengths my Mum went to for us to have a fab Christmas. Makes me love and miss her all the more now I have to do it all mesen.

    Back in a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Hello all,

    just a quick hello and cheerio as I'm off travelling to see Friends and family over xmas and New Year.

    So UTers and lurkers, ''huvarerrterranaweebitmerr'' this Christmas (Get Edwin to translate) and I'll see you all in 2010.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Present wrapping should always be done with a big glass of wine to hand. That or investing in gift bags.

    ReplyDelete
  119. I haven't come across lard so far - but for you scherf I will make it my business to find out.

    They do a great range of fish - from very small to quite big - don't know what they are but when they arrive as they did this lunchtime in a small cafe down at the fishmarket on a big crispy, battered heap on your plate with a side serving of green salad and lots of tea, they are truly heavenly.

    This was all accompanied by the most cacophanous racket of ferry engines, muezzin, fishmarket generators, cafe playing Turkish folk music and loud conversations - fantastic - oh and cats, lots of those demanding titbits. There are cats everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Afternoon All! Just catching up with yesterday's thread....

    BW

    Scherf... curiously, no Beatles at present. (Long, boring reason - they are actually my first band)

    You are Pete Best and I claim my fiver!

    Gandolfo, Deano et al - dogs are brilliant and hounds particularly so. Mad, bad, and completely sweet.

    Hank - v. interesting post about the merchant navy - my grandfather was one of them, and was torpedoed (well, the ship was) in the middle of the Atlantic. He spent a day or two clinging to wreckage before being rescued.

    When my granny died a couple of years ago, we found all the love letters he'd written to her during the war; she'd been carrying them around in her handbag all these years. (He'd died a year or so before her.) They were lovely, and went from declarations of passion (a complete surprise to everyone!) to detailed discussions of what ailed the ship's engines. It was hard to tell which concerned him more. Engineers, eh?

    RapidEddie - good list!

    BW again

    Plant and Kraus eh ? I need to get that...

    No! NO!!!! No, you don't! It's fucking horrible! I went to see the show and it was about the most awful thing I'd ever been to.

    Andy - well said.

    Now on to today's thread....

    ReplyDelete
  121. "This is U&T Lard-porn.........."

    Oooh Lardeedah!!

    Sheff

    "They do a great range of fish - from very small to quite big -"

    That's pretty much every fish in my experience

    ...except the really big ones which you should marinate overnight in a mixture of double cream, butter and lard in a really big fridge.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Thanks, sheff. Apparently the Turks actually export lard! Being pig fat, I suppose they don't need it all themselves. I think it's called 'domuz yağı'. Anyway, if it's any good, put me down for 10 kg of the highest quality.

    ReplyDelete
  123. "..except the really big ones which you should marinate overnight in a mixture of double cream, butter and lard in a really big fridge."

    Nah, the really big ones are full of urea, one of the main ingredients in piss..........

    ReplyDelete
  124. At last some sense...

    "If you can get past the fucking fucks, RATM’s lyrics are an adolescent, middle-class rant on the evils of consumerism mixed with a useless tantrum against the government and big business - and the dumb people who go along with it all. Merry fucking Christmas! This is why ‘Killing In The Name’ was chosen by youthful rads – as a sort of ‘fuck you’ to the apparently brainless masses who went out to buy the McElderry single. Not so much Rage Against The Machine as Rage Against The Masses and their supposedly awful tastes. Imagining yourself as morally superior on account of your download/CD collection is a phase lots of young people go through. But looking down on others through the prism of culture also has an ignoble history among the elites and the middle classes. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with rubbishing The X-Factor single or the latest cringe-inducing travesty by Black Eyed Peas, but making moral judgements on the people who buy such stuff is another matter."

    RATM is fuckin dire repackaged teenaged pretension

    ReplyDelete
  125. "one of the main ingredients in piss.........."

    piss has ingredients? Is there a recipe?

    ReplyDelete
  126. From (rather rusty) memory:

    Water
    Urea
    Various other breakdown products depending on what you've been imbibing
    Hormones (which depends on gender etc.)
    Dead cells from bladder etc.

    And it's sterile!

    ReplyDelete
  127. The Romans used to brush their teeth in it.

    ReplyDelete
  128. BTH

    I've said I wouldn't respond to any of your posts and I'm now making myself a liar. I've mostly skimmed through what you've put up here today, but I just thought I'd clarify one point one last time, as you seem to be hard of understanding.

    You have never, to my knowledge, ever attacked a male poster - poster! (not a generic male) - for spending too much time on the internet or *gasp!* enjoying a drink once in a while, nor have you criticised any male poster's - that's p-o-s-t-e-r-apostrophe-s - parenting skills.

    So fuck off. Over and out to you.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Eddie my dear sir - "....my self-cleaning fucking arse." - what a fine juxtaposition of words if I may say so.

    Vari - great to see you around here again. Give the little ones a hug and xx. from Hon GD and a lick from Mungo & Diesel.

    Sheff - see how much we care about you, we asked the Consul to keep an eye on you. It seems that we have thwarted a plan to have you spirited away by ensuring your boatman was arrested. Don't blame me if your style was cramped - it was Stoaty's idea...

    You can't trust Turkish gentlemen. When they say "let us run away and join the Circus together" they mean something quite`different to what we mean in the East Riding. Take extra care when lard shopping,an innocent joke can end with an opium pipe in Shanghai.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Dott "....Hormones (which depends on gender etc.) - "

    If it froths when dropped from waist height you are a bloke.

    If it hisses in the dark when poured into a chamber pot you is a lass.

    If it is found dripping in the wardrobe you had an animal staying overnight who couldn't find the light switch - or Stoaty was a house guest

    ReplyDelete
  131. monkeyfish:

    Yeah, when I saw on the news sometime over the weekend that the campaign to get RATM to No. 1 had been successful, I thought

    “big fucking deal”

    Maybe it’s a sign of impending middle age, but to me the words really might as well be

    “Fuck you, I won’t tidy my bedroom”

    A load of adolescent sound and fury signifying absolutely nothing…

    thauma @ 16.07:

    Well said back at ya, mate

    ReplyDelete
  132. "You have never, to my knowledge, ever attacked a male poster - poster! (not a generic male) - for spending too much time on the internet or *gasp*! enjoying a drink once in a while..."

    To be fair, thauma, he'd have pretty slim pickings around here with that line of attack.

    "Guns don't kill people. Lard kills people."

    Cheers for that, MF, read that earlier while listening to an accountant droning on about the unimpeachable moral probity of his client. He wasn't easily convinced that I wasn't laughing at him.

    ReplyDelete
  133. I quite like RATM although I don't have any of their albums. First got interested in them cos of the music in the final scene of the Matrix which is one of theirs.

    Killing in the name of is supposed to be about Rodney King and the LA riot, apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  134. 'piss has ingredients? Is there a recipe?' MF that made me laugh. In fact a lot of yesterday and todays thread has fair cheered me up.

    Dot is it true that because it is sterile you can drink it? I don't I hasten to add! But I once saw a mad woman on the tellybox who said she drank it every morning as it was really good for your health. But how can it be when it is a waste product - sterile or not?

    ReplyDelete
  135. I know two wrongs dont make a right but i couldnt help feeling a tinge of satisfaction at the following:

    "A Pakistani court has ordered the noses and ears of two men be cut off after they did the same to a young woman whose family spurned a marriage proposal from one of them, a prosecutor said today."

    The whole thing is still pretty grotesque, admittedly...

    ReplyDelete
  136. "Guns don't kill people. Lard kills people."

    The larding of guns/bullets reputedly touched off the Indian Mutiny if I remember correctly.

    Hank by the way I left you a link to some anecdotal merchant navy stories at the end of yesterday's thread. An interesting leisure read so worth a bookmark if your busy.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Deano

    It was a rumour that beef dripping was used in bullets that started up the Indian Mutiny, allegedly - beef being a no-no for Hindus.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Both beef and pork, thus neatly outraging both Muslims and Hindus. The Christian Indian soldiers weren't bovvered at all (all twelve of them.)

    ReplyDelete
  139. PCC - it is sterile and useful for cleaning wounds and applying to blisters etc - but not for drinking in the desert the residual salts when you are dehydrated allegedly damage the kidneys.


    That said:

    Drink your own piss

    I prefer tonic with my gin though.

    ReplyDelete
  140. BB:

    I’m not particularly criticising RATM, and as you say, Killing In The Name was apparently inspired in part by the killing of Rodney King.

    How many of those downloading the tune last week actually know or care about that though?

    Ripped out of the context it may originally have had, the song doesn’t really have much (any) political meaning to kids today, though that’s not entirely RATM’s fault.

    Does anyone want to sign up to my Facebook campaign to make The Pop Group the first No. 1 of 2010?

    We are all prostitutes

    ReplyDelete
  141. PCC - lets try that again

    drink your own piss

    failing which try a cut and paste on:


    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/urine-the-bodys-own-health-drink-467303.html

    The last two lines of the article read:

    "Some fans believe the Bible recommends urine therapy. A verse in Proverbs advises: "Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well."

    Private Medical Cover from £30 per month with Independent Compare"


    But read also the comments from the enthusiastic posters below the article!

    ReplyDelete
  142. Cheers deano, will take a look idc.

    Glad they're merchant navy and not RN tales. My ex's dad was in the RN and I'm pretty sure over the years I've heard every single anecdote that could possibly have been recycled by the old salts. More than once.

    My heart would sink as the dread words "Did I ever tell you about the time I was on the HMS Vanguard.." were uttered. It was like Groundhog Day starring Uncle Albert.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Andy I never go near facebook - I have enough problems here.

    By the way, my librarian has nearly completed her research on Silkstone Row on my behalf and thus I shall soon be able to give you more details... She needs to take the 189?/193? ordnance survey maps to the engineers who should have precision rulers!

    Hope that things are well with you and yours and that you have found the kinda job you were thinking about.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I think it is quite interesting as a phenomenon, and just goes to show that if you press the right buttons, people will get off their asses and do something.

    All we need to do now is to find a way of encouraging 18 year olds to sign up to overthrowing the government and installing The First British Commune.... :p

    ReplyDelete
  145. Hank - me mam's brother served on HMS Hood (not when she went down of course) so I well know what you mean!

    ReplyDelete
  146. Hank

    To be fair, thauma, he'd have pretty slim pickings around here with that line of attack.

    Fair sir, you are right: the men around here are such models or probity and sobriety that it would leave no opening for attack.

    Deano

    The larding of guns/bullets reputedly touched off the Indian Mutiny if I remember correctly.

    Ah yes, the Sepoy Mutiny. Although I have discovered it's called something completely different by my Indian friends: something like the Glorious Revolution Against the Bastard English Oppressors.

    Except that's not quite it. It's far too rude, for one thing. We had a company cricket match one day (a job I had that included a lot of Indians in the group) and they had some very funny trash talk to the other team.

    You are catching the ball like my very respected old, old grandmother. I thank you for that, it is very much appreciated.

    That sort of thing. So much better than "the referee's a wanker".

    ReplyDelete
  147. BB I never saw response from you to my tentative suggestion/enquiry if you might do a UT2/ATL piece on "collective (all gang members) responsibility" for murder that the police/CPS seem to have developed of late.

    I don't know much about it save it was the subject of a recent Panorama programme that I tuned into part way through.

    Not your bag?/ didn't see my post suggesting it here/ too busy?

    ReplyDelete
  148. Thauma

    "Glorious Revolution Against the Bastard English Oppressors. "

    I like it. I'll have it embroided on my "Free Yorkshire - Open the second front now" banner.

    ReplyDelete
  149. deano:

    Oops, I forgot to put a “ ;-) “ symbol after my reference to Facebook.

    I would be interested to hear more about Silkstone Row, and getting some verification of your claims to its record-breaking status. I live in a terrace of about 30 houses (numbers 151 to 217; you do the maths), and that doesn’t seem very long to me.

    Thanks for your thoughts for me and mine - things are going well. Hope all is well with you and yours.

    I also have some news about “finding the kind of job I was thinking about”, but that will have to wait until next time.

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  150. Deano

    No, I don't think I saw your original post. Maybe that is something I could write about during the hols when I have a bit more time. Joint enterprise is used in a great many cases now.

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  151. Darlings, have simply had to give Chagall a recommendation on Waddya just now:

    Bru: just take the wine home with you

    Chagall: The wine that I bought for you, which I've only mentioned 15 times on Cif so far, because that's the sort of person I am.

    BW - I am equally bemused and horrified by Ben2's reference to Journey. I am not going to check it out, but let's hope it's just a sick joke.

    Oh god, have read further comments and it's not.

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  152. Chagall's just a small minded misogynist...as are all those robot slaves of the patriarchy who've recommended it. As the 4th sector pathfinder himself would say...in a bad Sid James voice:they aren't fit to lard the lady's mash.

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  153. LOL! I'd forgotten about the "4th Sector Pathfinder" stuff :o)

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  154. MF - Chagall just obviously doesn't have the breeding to appreciate the finer things in life.

    Meant to post this here, but put it on Waddya by accident:

    To completely change the subject:

    My only superstition is that when I move into a new phase, be it a new house, new car, new job or whatever, is that I have to play this song first. Something to do with being grateful for what you have.

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  155. MF - "...they aren't fit to lard the lady's mash" - class, top class!

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  156. Mr Fish! Sir, you are in arrears of your assigned punishment, which was to write an article for UT2. Where is it?

    Don't make me wag my finger at you ... or worse.

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  157. If Mr Fish has to write for UT2, can it be a comedy piece, please? :)

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  158. Deano,
    You cheeky old git, I've joined you in abstemiouness until Christmas day.
    Bit of a doddle really, been two days now.

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  159. BB " Joint enterprise is used in a great many cases now."

    Yea that was the phrase they used - sounds like some common law overlap idea.

    I hope you decide/have time for a piece for us. I'm sure a lot of us (well at least me) are unaware of how/when this came about and where it is going.

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  160. Brian Ferry makes me go weak at the knees still. There was a retrospective on Roxy Music on Beeb 3 the other night. Drooooool.

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  161. Stoaty - your acrylic avatar looks the goods my man. See where discipline is getting you now.

    If only you could have cracked it 50 years ago Hollywood would have fallen at your feet.

    I'm gagging!

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  162. Go on thauma, get him, get him thaum ,get him and punish him thaum, go on......

    You weren't a librarian in a previous life were you?

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  163. I'll do one for you if you like, Father Christmas's little brother?

    I am going by your own past description here, I haven't got files or anything, much less an archive.

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  164. Yea - crossed with my hero Frederick Furnivall...

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  165. colinthestoat,
    I've been meaning to ask, should I address you in full, Stoaty, Colin, Mr Thestoat, Sir? Same to all, when is using a shortened term of address acceptable, here?
    Best regards, "habib".

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  166. Got that, (google). Do you wear a hat? flat cap? shagged out old trilby?
    I kinda see you in the latter.

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  167. habib,
    I actually prefer Col. Colin was the 'Darren' of the thirties.
    Stoat is more a description of my character.

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  168. BB

    If Mr Fish has to write for UT2, can it be a comedy piece, please? :)

    It most certainly can.

    Re Bryan F: Yes, drooooooool.

    For you:

    Mamouna

    Kiss and Tell

    Casanova

    I haven't included the drooliest vids which would probably be "Avalon" and "Jealous Guy", but you'll have seen those, no doubt.

    Actually the Casanova one has no footage of himself at all - just a shot of the album cover - but I like it!

    Casanova - is that your name
    Or do you live there?
    I know my place is here with you
    Tonight - but not together
    Ugh!


    Hesitated between the Roxy version and the solo version - they're both good - but went with Roxy in the end.

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  169. Deano, funnily enough, I have recently had to take to wearing glasses. The Mister claims that they make be look a bit librarian-ish. But he doesn't mind.

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  170. Thaum - The Roxy Music Story. Deffo worth a watch.

    I always wore contact lenses until I moved to France, where the attitude to wearing glasses is entirely different, and it is considered teh sexx. There is even a saying "Femme a lunettes, femme a quequettes". I will let you work out the translation ;o)

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  171. Hi habib friend (not had chance to say hello before)- you may call me anything you wish even old goat if you want.

    I've always found this place delightfully informal and I've never 'sensed' anyone taking offence. Mind you I'm fegging notoriously indifferent and skinned like a rhino so my views might not be PC or typical.

    I think you already regarded as a local albeit your working shifts may restrict your participation more than you would like.

    Stoaty wide brimmed shagged out 'Barber' waxed hat - tramps 'unpinched' fedora. Goes everywhere with me.

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  172. Col, it is then.
    Personally, I never liked "Hab", because Habib is already a shortened version - four syllables in a name is just too many - but I guess I still answer to even those who call me "H" (not without a camp Steps dance, first, mind).

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  173. I had to keep the glasses out of my 13.14 post but there were definitely in there..

    I always remove my specs when I go to the library. I find that if I can't see too well it takes them longer before they call the police to have me removed..

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  174. Deano, every time I read your name before a post, a mispronunciation of a Dexy's song goes through my head - I can't help it - but it is a good theme tune.

    Lovin' your work.
    :-)

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  175. Mine were steamed up when I typed 'there' for 'they' above.

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  176. Boys and Girls is the one that does it for me though. This is the only vid I can find of it. Sound is good but pic quality is rubbish. But apparently it was specially shot for The Tube in 1985 and has poor old Paula Yates in it.

    Poor cow. Imagine your husband topping himself, then finding out that Hughie Green was your dad after years of believing your real dad was the man your mother was married to... no wonder she couldn't cope any longer.

    I still can't understand how she could have done that to her kids, though.

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  177. Deano

    "I find that if I can't see too well it takes them longer before they call the police to have me removed.."

    This made me laugh out loud! :D

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  178. Ooo - fanks, BB, am having a perv....

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  179. evening all!
    BB that was a blast from the past!
    Poor old Paula in fact suicide is rarely a rational decision I guess she thought her kids were better off without her, poor thing.

    Hughie Green has on his grave stone:
    "You were the star that made opportunity knock"
    gaggy or wot..

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  180. True dat, gandolfo. Although when I was depressed a few years back and had some very black moments, the only thing that stopped me driving my car into a brick wall or whatever was the thought of what it would do to my son.

    There was a superb dramatisation of Hughie Green's life done by Beeb 3 a year or so ago, with Trevor "Waking the Dead By Shouting At Them" Eve in the lead role. He was an absolute sleaze by all accounts.

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  181. Finally... tree up & decorated... Christmas shopping (almost) finished... glass of red wine in hand...

    Optician friend persuaded me to try contacts about a month ago - can't get the sodding things in...

    Just played this on Buzzcocks - great stuff!

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  182. Shazthewombat, ever tried Malibu and milk? Very strange effects. Not one for a long night ahead, but weird dreams if you have it has a late night toddy.

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  183. BB :)

    I heard that about Trev "Shoestring, I love myself a bit too much" Eve from an ol acquaintence (god sound like you know who!!) said he was a real sleaze bag.......

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  184. Aww gandolfo. That has really upset me now! I loved Eddie Shoestring, and was prepared to accept him in Waking the Dead as a meagre alternative! Bah.

    Shaz - hehehe - Dr Feelgood. Real blast from the past that one, too. :o)

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  185. Habib

    Used to drink Malibu and milk when I was a young-un and didn't really like the taste of proper alcohol. Not bad, but waaaay too sweet for me now. Which is why I prefer ginger ale in my slammers, too :o)

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  186. Weird dreams - late night toddy?.

    Make mine a large one please and I'll have one for me parrot whilst I'm at it.

    Time to relax and enjoy the reward of your labours shaz.

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  187. BB
    sorry for the pre yuletide delusion but someone had to tell you sooner or later! just for you darlin'

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  188. habib - yes I have... but not since I was a teenager - interesting mix, as I recall. Defo not for a long session!

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  189. That is brilliant, Anne. I will share that with my lads :o)

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  190. Anntan - that was fab xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Stoaty looked magnificent!

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  191. annetan hi!
    bloody brill especially the mole and larvae!

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