14 December 2009

Daily Chat 14/12/09

In 1287, a dike in Friesland broke during a storm, causing one of the worst floods in history -- killing 50,000 and permanently flooding some areas.  Mary Stuart became Queen Mary I of Scotland in 1542.  The Glasgow District Railway, the third oldest subway in the world, opened in 1896.  Roald Amundsen and his team reached the South Pole in 1911.

Born today:  Nostradamus (1503-1566), Tycho Brahe (1546-1601), Aphra Behn (1640-1689), Shirley Jackson (1916-1965), Jane Birkin (1946), Chris Waddle (1960) and Michael Owen (1979).

It is apparently not a holiday anywhere in the world today, but it would be Quartidi, 24 Frimaire CCXVIII, if we were using the French Republican calendar -- Oseille (sorrel) day.


  1. Ha, Ha, the good old Glesga subway 113 years young today.

    If any of you ever visit Glasgow, allow me to take you on the sub crawl- get a multi journey ticket, get off at each stop (it's a 16 station loop) and go to the nearest pub for a beer.

    If I remember rightly (Edwin may correct me) but the only stop you can't get off for a drink at is West Street as there's nothing nearby. Or it may be Shields road, I can't remember.

  2. Only one comment! I have never been to Glasgow your Duke - would love to go when I am feeling up to travel.

    Hank - apologies if I caused offense last night. I was only joking around - and of course the reason I like Notts is not because of the Piano and Pitcher - I was being flippant. Sincere apologies for any offense caused - none was intended at all. Anyway hope you accept my white flag.

    Had an awful experience this morning. Still cannot eat properly and back off to docs tomorrow - with a heavy heart because they told me if it did not clear up would need to go and have a camera down my throat and that idea somewhat terrifies me. But this morning made me see the error of my ways. Felt a bit faint when I got up and my heart was racing and I fed the dogs and let them out and was stood in the yard when got a rushing in my ears and dots (like an out of tune tv) in my eyes and had to crawl back into the utility room. Where I sat with my head between my legs for five minutes before daring to go back upstairs.

    So I am going to bite the bullet and go and find out why my stomach is in such a state. Feel better now after a bit of chicken sandwich and a bottle of lucozade!

  3. Princess - your poor thing! good luck at the doctors - better to find out what's up, suffering in silence no fun, apart from anything else. And take it slow until then...

    Was wondering why it was so quiet today! Had a lovely 'pre-Christmas lunch' yesterday with five friends (so a good job I'd bought two chickens - and I've nicked the carcasses, soup tonight!) which, as my oven doesn't have settings appropriate for roasting a bird, meant carrying two bags of food plus another two containing half the utensils in my kitchen (the boys really don't cook...) across town, to the amusement of the woman in the tobacconists when one of the chickens escaped and in trying to retrieve it, three oven trays clanged to the floor...

    But it was a really good day - following on from some fine posts yesterday about sharing being a natural human instinct, I'm glad we decided to go with a home-cooked meal rather than a lunch out. It was much more fun playing 'oven tetris' trying to get all the things to fit, and getting slightly sloshed while overseeing peeling, and having to time all the cooking because their fusebox gives up the ghost if you have more than two items 'on' in the kitchen...

    Then we played pass the parcel, ate cake, and got more sloshed.

  4. Princess that sounds awful - let us know how it checks out. As Phillipa says take it easy dear. Dog and cat owners are supposed to be healthier in general than those who don't have them as companions - less risk of high blood pressure I believe (think our children cancel out the cat).

    Your Grace there is - mirabile dictu - a Glasgow 'subcrawl' with West St and Shields Rd sharing the honours for the bleakest locations. Think the pubs are closer to Shields Rd (and best to wear something blue).

    I went out to Bridgeton Cross last month to photograph the area before the renovation started. Can't mind seeing so many union jacks (and saltires) in one place (apart from Ibrox). I believe the locals stoned a parked green car a few years ago.

  5. Edwin,

    I liked the comment below on your link with the step by step guide to the areas. Completely true.

    Princess- hope everything goes well for you and you're welcome up here any time.

  6. PCC,
    Hope it's not too serious, but you must get it seen to. All the best.

  7. Oh my, princess, sincerely hope you'll get better soon, and that the camera will go down another one's throat (or better yet, that this camera will never be needed again ...). I am notoriously bad at swallowing pills (although, thank Deity, it has been many years since I last was forced to swallow one), and I really can sympathise with a terror of a camera shoved down your throat, and out again.

  8. PrincessCC

    I hope you are feeling a little better as the day has progressed. I join with all above (and below) in sending my very best wishes young miss.

    My sometime (wife) had it done and she said " !8**/! ...not the most pleasant experience in life but nowhere, nowhere as bad as I had imagined it..!!!!

    You could always try a variant of me dads cure all approach to ailments - its called deferred illusion therapy. If I went to him as a kid and said I had a headache he would jump on my toe and then say " ..bet your headaches gone now"

    Of course he was always right. Headache gone in an instant replaced by a throbbing fucking toe!

    Grim as the idea of the investigation is, and I do not wish to make light of your natural concern (I would feel the same), try to put it up against an even more unpleasant alternative. How about:

    a) tummy investigation or

    b) cut your husband's toenails..

    I know you are very strong lass (you prove it by your contributions here when you not feeling that great) and I hope you sense my wish to bring you a tiny bit of relief by way of a small smile.


    PS - don't worry about that HankScorpio chap. He's on our side, and even if he wasn't his sting is no stronger than dilute gnats piss..

  9. For anybody with a passing interest in Silkstone Row which we chatted about over the weekend:-

    I have located another 3 photo's of the Row. They were taken in the 1970's just before the longest terrace in all of Europe was demolished.

    Two of them are close up's of the backyards and show some of the last people (and a dog) to have lived there. They show a sorry state of affairs as some of the nearby cottages had been bricked up as they had been abandoned.

    There is a 50:50 chance that I may have a picture of me mam's backyard and 100% chance that I have a picture from which I can pick out and identify the actual front of her and thus my grandfather's house.(He had died before I was born)

    Andy asked me about the length of the terrace yesterday. Typical Andy, but it was a question I have long wondered about.

    Andy et al I am still trying to find out the answer to the query!

    When my enquiries are finished I'll post a link to the three pics.

    For those of you who can't wait (or are totally pissed off of hearing about Silkstone Row) I can tell you that my latest research indicates that the Row was of at least 51 houses, and possibly 53 or more.

    I know for example that the school register had a kid living at No 51 in 1897 (two houses were lost for the entries cut through so poss 53 etc)

    laters all.

  10. Princess - I do sympathise; I've had similar problems the past few months but luckily it's being controlled by medication. Hope they can manage something similar for you.

  11. Edwin

    Thank's for the guide. I'll forward it to my granddaughter who has started at Macintosh's School of Art this year.

    It can stand as something for her to aspire to.

    She is, as yet a lightweight, having recently got very drunk and fallen down a flight of stairs and broken her arm. Her mother is disgusted and lives in fear that I will go up to Glasgow and teach her how to drink seriously.

    I noticed that you couldn't resist a final post as bagpuss? recently.


    PS. It has not escaped my attention that since I have rejoined UT the number of posts by other, new and most welcome posters, has over the period declined.

    I can only hope it's the pressure of Christmas parties, shopping or year end workloads.

    Perhaps it was something I said - if so worry not I can go away again.

  12. deano30, it's Monday, and Chrimbo is looming, so my guess is that folk are either clearing their workloads (aye,right)or using their time online shopping like crazy.

  13. Hi all. Thanks very much for the supportive comments. Deano - you always make me smile! Thauma - I am sorry that you have been ill like this too. Are you on Omoprazole? That is what they put me on but they said it would work within two weeks or so - been on them much longer and still cannot eat. Keep feeling really sick when I do.

    Yeah Colin it does need sorting. I am normally quite brave - I have bad luck and have broken many bones - including my jaw and my nose and smashing my cheekbone up. And have had a fair few medical procedures related to that and other stuff. But I am just really freaked out by something being shoved down my throat. But I will ask for a lovely sedative I think.

    Got even angrier about the whole welfare thing now. Some poor chap with a terminal brain tumor has been told by an Atos robot that he should be ready for work in six months. But he is fighting them and has set up a web page detailing it all - including the insanities written on his medical. What an amazing person. I will try and re find the link to his blog.

    Phillipa - your meal sounds lovely. Much, much nicer than going out. That sounds in fact like my perfect day!

  14. Hi Princess, nope - Mebeverine. Eating no longer a problem - and funnily enough the dizziness and all has gone away now that I've started eating normally again.

  15. Deano,
    You chaps were speaking of miners yesterday. Did you know that I was one? See blog.

  16. Stoaty

    Your photo is plainly a fake. Far too distinguished looking!

    No I've never read anything from you that made me suspect you might have had a mining background. I knew you had worked in engineering.

    Are you Rhodesian/Zimbabwean? or just out there to work for a bit.

    Fucking blaster Stoaty - I loves it my friend! Tell us more about it if you please.

  17. Hi All--deano30, nice to meet you sir, this new poster has been in andd out of town, but will continue to both lurk and post when opportunities arise. At times a bit awkward with the time diff.

    princess--Best wishes to you on your health problem.

  18. Deano,
    Brought up in SA. Worked on copper belt in NR then as shot blaster on quarry.
    I've been around a long time young fella, I had to be doing something.
    In England mainly union biz in engineering.
    Now, don't give a damn. (You noticed the Clark Gable influence I take it?)

  19. Great to meet you too Boudican - I enjoy your posts, Sorry to read about your dog my friend.

    My oldest dog was run down a few years ago but with happier consequences - after 12 days of paralysis in both her rear legs and a poor prognosis she suddenly got up and staggered about! It took a bit longer before she walked but what a happy day that was for me.

    Two Canada dwellers here now you and 3p4, both your contributions are appreciated and enjoyed.

    Allowances for time differences have to be made 'cos of our lead correspondent from Cowpat Junction, Iowa, so it's no great problem for us..

    My oldest dog (14+) is now coming to the latter part of her life and I'm dreading her leaving. Not that she is going anywhere just yet!

    I'm going to do a few words about her 100th birthday when I get around to it. I have another 'mad monk of dog' called Mungo who is still full of beans at 5+. They are both ideal tramps dogs.


    Stoaty my dear sir you could easily have been a film star.

    I always say me dad was a miner but he was never a simple coal digger as such. He wasn't educated but he learned a special and highly paid skill from his father. Only taught to the eldest son - his brothers all had to become coal hackers.

    As I understand it - It was all about the splitting of rock to make the underground roadways/ventilation shafts etc and even to open up the new seams. I don't pretend to understand the half of it but it wasn't only simple explosives that he worked with.

    Something to do with lime and the family's extra added secret ingredient that they mixed with it. Then something about 'touching, feeling and listening to the stone face" and then slowly drilling holes of different sizes and angles into which the 'mix' was put.

    Add water, close your eyes and stand back - if you got it right the rock split and`fell where you wanted it. If you got it wrong it came down on top of you and likely killed you. That's roughly how he explained his job when I once asked him about it. He worked freelance and moved from pit to pit as needed for special jobs.

    I think you once said you did some shop steward time, you then move up to AEU full time officer sort of thing?

  20. I've been doing a bit of work on my soul. Nothing major, just a bit of routine maintenance. A couple of architects sent in some designs but they were a bit pricey and right out of character with the rest of the neighbourhood. Sent out a party of surveyors to look for the pitch-black pit of bile that people keep hinting at but they failed to locate it; turns out it's just a 'myth'.

    You can imagine how relieved I was...it means when I opine about someone being lightweight, boring, thick or just full of shit, I'm not being driven by bitterness and self loathing..it's because they really are lightweight, boring, thick or just full of shit. Who'd have thought it! Cheered me right up.

  21. Deano,
    Interesting that about your dad, had to be pretty careful eh? On a copper mine there were less risks I expect.
    The thing you describe seems a hangover from the good old days when a skilled worker 'owned' his job.
    In the union I was a mere trouble maker, works committee, that sort of stuff. Communist party then trot. Then redundant. Then hack painter.

  22. Hi, PCC - I've just written a lengthy response on why the Miners' Strike has always been problematic for me, from a purely selfish, Forest-centred pov. But it's got lost in the ether somewhere, thanks to an iffy internet connection.

    In short, no offence taken, obviously.

    What's important is for you to screw your courage to the sticking post, get the examination done and get yourself well, soon.

  23. @ Monkeyfish. That confirms what I'd suspected. No deep-seated pit of bile, sound structurally with suitable coatings of caustic comment entirely appropriate for the prevailing conditions.

  24. Have you thought about getting Kirstie Allsop round to just make the place look a bit prettier, MF?

  25. Alistair

    Indeed. I read an article about tinfoil cladding. Any thoughts?

  26. #Have you thought about getting Kirstie Allsop round to just make the place look a bit prettier, MF?#

    Unfortunately, I put her in the lightweight, fluffy bullshit camp some years back...she may well bear a grudge. Thought about the Dalai Lama but the smell of meat would put him off and he wouldn't pass the dress code.

  27. MF - Any more news about your possible redundancy?

  28. deano30--I've read the tales of Mungo here, very humourous, I like a dog with an attitude. Good to hear that your older one recovered. Are they small terrier types? We've had a couple that lived to 14-15 years, and the larger breeds seem to go sooner.

    Not spoken with 3p4 as yet, but will as the chance arises. I think he lives in Vancouver, not far at all. Interesting fellow.

    Off to walk the beastie while the sun is out. Expecting some snow later, but nothing like our Montana got.

    Bye for now.

  29. deano

    None; other than there's nothing 'possible' about it. Waiting til after Xmas to start looking about. I'm not worried as such..just fuckin bored to tears at the prospect of replacing one soul-destroying, shit-filled way of passing the day with something equally mind-numbing. The hardest bit is trying to convince people I want to work for them in the first place.

    I'm given to yawning and checking my watch in interviews. A guy asked me if he was boring me once and I told him that it was a strategy to cover my extreme nervousness. He congratulated me and said it was very convincing; so convincing that I was in danger of appearing genuinely bored.

    Then about 10 minutes later he asked me where I saw myself in 5 years time and I just had to get up and fuck off. He asked me where I was going and I said "I'm so ambitious I'm going there right now you boring fucker".

    Anyway..courtesy of Frank Fisher...this is very worrying. Seems all this 'peer to peer conversation' is worrying certain parties.


    We'll all be out of work soon, fed only with government sanctioned platitudes. No doubt if we want a bit of 'edge' with our news and comment we can go to CIF. I dare say it will be among the 'approved' media outlets which will still be allowed to host strictly monitored comment threads. It might not exist in its present form. There are a few more posters who need to be banned yet and possibly a makeover and name change are in order: "Progressive Punditry" perhaps or "Imogen Says".

    It's the first place all us angry Lefties will go when we hear about the new benefit 'reforms'...only to be assured the cuts are an integral part of a holistic package which will help us realise our dream of becoming part of a "World Class Flexible Workforce" ready to meet the demands of the 21st century.

  30. Evening all

    PCC - hope all goes well, hon. Best to get it seen to soonest. Hugs xx

    MF - you have a soul?

    I have just had a very odd day. Prosecuting locally and it wasn't until I was 10 minutes into reading my file that I realised it was one of my neighbour's kids, so had to swap courts pretty sharpish. Hope he made it out the other side OK. I remember her asking me about his case at the time it happened and I wasn't able to give advice directly, but warned her of the stuff to ask for and watch out for. Really odd - I only prosecute locally once or twice a year. Ah well.

  31. Hello

    stoaty did mention that he had worked in copper mining a while ago, deano, so you must have missed it, perhaps because of your dongle? And stoaty, I think there was always a certain 'reverence' amongst miners (and quarrymen too) for the blasters, because of the risks of it going fatally wrong, and because what the blasters did could make things safer for those who follow to the coalface.


    Thank you for forcing me to clean spluttered coffee from my keyboard & screen yet again! As others have said before, you really should be paid for your writing, mate.

    And I don't know what you & hank have got against Kirstie A. I mean, haven't you two commissioned your hand-blown glass sherry schooners yet?

  32. MF deffo needs to start sending sketches in to the Beeb for The Now Show and the like.

    Linky : http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/

    Oh, and I want 10% of your first fee for saving you the trouble of scouring the intarwebz for that link too. :p

  33. Oh Christ,

    the Graun's started it's full scale, 100% arabica bean, foghorn cheerleading for New Labour and an early election.

    In the space of an hour we've had Kettle, Whiteley and now an editorial on it.

    Guaranteed tonight there will Be a Toynbee special on why:

    ''I and millions of others have misunderstood Brown. It's time to get out there and take the fight to the Tories.''

    Labour HQ's been doing a whole lot of fellating down Graun way.

  34. MF - you have a soul?

    Yep Can ya dig it?


  35. hi boudican,,greetings from Mount Pleasant,,and the dog (DD,, age 12) says hi too,,i am mostly a reader rather than a writer boudican so you wont (often)see many posts from me,,

    are you an actual canuck or are you an import like me ?

  36. BB - MF has an irrepressible soul, protected and preserved by an indivisible tongue, and irascible wit. To say nothing of a fine turn of phrase.

    If we can't get him retrained as a lawyer or teacher then the world shall be a poorer place methinks.

    MF - class post tonight Bro! It looks like it might have to be script writing then. You'd be a winner, Bleasdale seems quite of late and Potter is no more. The world is there for the taking our kid.

    We need a play about that drunk/bully/wife abusing QC now long deceased(BB name please?) who was the leading brief on libel/slander and how he helped lay the foundations for the new libel tourism etc....

    Out of the mouths of drunks and shits cometh the likes of Maxwell and Murdoch and the foundations of a new world order etc

  37. 0/ - 3p4 & DD.

    If we don't get to see you again before the mid winter celebrations have a good time friend.

  38. PCC - so sorry you are poorly. Hope you get it sorted - sounds nasty.

  39. Farkinell, have just been ploughing my way through the bits of yesterday's Observer that I hadn't read yet. Dire. Ruth Sunderland and Rawnsley stick out as particularly deluded. But I've not finished yet....

  40. Chin - thanks for the local history post yesterday.

    With both mam and dad from fairly sizeable mining families I had loads of uncles and then cousins who mostly worked at various pits all over South Yorks as well as the Castleford/Wakefield area.

    The note about the Featherstone lads made me think of my Unc Pete a tiny man married to me dads (very large) older sister Sarah .

    He met an happy end when he had to leave mining for health reasons and got a job at the then still developing Ferrybridge power station as some sort of labourer coal shoveler.

    On a warm summers evening he was nominated to go down the local to bring back some beer for the night shift. He was so pissed by the time he returned he took a short cut and walked into the river on whose banks the station was built.

    He drowned, but at least he didn't die trapped underground a fear which had always secretly terrified him as we found out at his funeral.

    As you say I must have had a dongle blackout when Stoaty revealed his past I don't usually miss things like that.

  41. Boudican - I'm hoping to get some pictures of the dogs on line in the new year.

    Good way to describe Mungo as a dog with attitude - I've been having hell with him about his Christmas present.

    He's got a right strop on cos I won't buy him what he wants.

  42. It's an early depart from me now - so night all.

  43. @thauma - I'm getting to the stage where I'm buying the Observer out of habit and making some small contribution to it not sinking. I read the Sports section, Cohen, Barbie and then skim the rest.

    Like the Guardian, it's suffering from the fact that the zeitgeist is against it, and the star writers can do no more than write apologia for their fallen idols, as Duke has referred to above.

    It says a lot that the two ATLs getting the most nods in the Ciffies are Brooker and Hyde, who are both satirists, and conspicuously more angry than the "proper" journos, who should frankly be ashamed of themselves for their complicity in the great corporate fraud of the last 12 years.

  44. Good points there, Hank, although I'm suspicious of your choices of what to read. In this week's sport section, there was no detailed account of Ulster's glorious victory over Stade Français, only a sidebar mention of the egregious eye-gouging incident. No match report.

    If by 'Barbie' you mean Barbara Ellen, well: that is obviously a questionable selection. Mostly focussed on celebrities. Unless she's excusing - what was it the other week? Child molestation, or am I getting her confused with someone else?

    Cohen I sometimes agree with but I am deeply suspicious of his motives.

    Sutherland's article was just luvvie vacuity, such as we are used to from the so-called feminist contingent, but Rawnsley's was so anti-democratic as to *seriously* piss me off. Apparently the actual voter is nowhere to be found in the audience for the PBR, or doesn't matter anyway. It's the bankers and the meedja who are important.

    I could go on, but I'll just bore everyone....

  45. Greetings 3p4 +DD. Ah yes, Mount Pleasant, been there a few times though not recently.

    I am a transplant from Aberdeen. Parents emigrated in 1957 when I was 4. From where do you hail?

    Not a frequent poster either, although I can be cyberverbose when in my cups. Seems to be well accepted with the UT. :-) Cheers.

  46. "...who should frankly be ashamed of themselves for their complicity in the great corporate fraud of the last 12 years."

    Not very 'nice' is it?

    You sure there isn't a deep well of pure black hatred occupying the grounds of your soul?...maybe behind the tool shed near the gates of oblivion? I can't think anything but bitterness and envy would drive you write something like that. I'm sure you don't really mean it. I know you want to say nice things...you're just totally fucked up mate...what else could explain it?

  47. MF - sorry to hear that the job thing is a certainty now. I'll add my voice to those who think you should find a new career in writing as you obviously have a great talent for it.

    Come to think of it, I don't know if it's a 'new' career as I've no idea what you do for a living. Obviously it's not making you happy, whatever it is. Even more than most of us are usually unhappy about our jobs.

    I will say, though, that one of the worst jobs I ever took in desperation (having been unemployed - in the US!!) led to some of the best things that have happened to me, such as being paid to move back to the UK. Fate moves in mysterious ways.

  48. Boudican

    Not a frequent poster either, although I can be cyberverbose when in my cups. Seems to be well accepted with the UT. :-)

    LOL - yes indeed, and welcome again!


  49. I'll drink to that too Boudican *slurps a slug of Marston Pedigree ale*

  50. I didn't say I read the whole of the Sports section, did I, thauma? (-;

    I read Cohen and Barbie because they are interesting, provocative and good writers. Rarely agree with anything they have to say, but they don't send me to sleep like Rawnsley, Hutton, the gurning idiot off Peep Show, and all the rest.

    I'm pretty sure there is a deep well of bile in my soul, MF. Proud of it too. Why are you bothered? Not entirely sure what comment has inspired your first response here today, but if you've been reading the rantings of mad Belgians on Waddya, you should just rise above it.

    I couldn't give a shit what she thinks of me. It speaks volumes that she feels the need to buy approval with cases of champagne. She'd have impressed me more if she bought me a pint of Stella and, just once, said something interesting.

    And yeh, I realise that there's more chance of her doing the former than the latter.

  51. Hank - true enough about the Obs. I don't buy it as religiously as I used to. I certainly don't make a special trip to buy it like I always used to. A shame really because I have no doubt I would miss it if it wasn't there any more.

  52. OK MF - what have I missed. What is the "black soul" bit all about?

  53. Not sure about the cyberverbosity on here when in our cups(-;

    BTH will be keeping notes of the Marstons' consumption, BB, to be taken down and used in evidence against you later...

  54. Oh Hank, you know me, I *only* read the RU bits. I do look at the pictures of racehorses sometimes because they are gorgeous creatures, but I don't really follow it much. Mostly because I don't want to hear about them getting hurt. (Dare to call me a bleeding-heart liberal now!)

    Gah - I've really been trying to leave the Belgian topic alone because I'd really rather forget about the whole thing, but the boasting about one's generosity whilst deciding to keep all the fabulous jewellery one's bought to oneself is grating a little....

  55. There was a reference on here the other day, by Duke I think, to GIYUS bigging me and MF up on the Ciffies thread. I couldn't find any such posts, or responses to them. Was it all a figment of Duke's liquor-ridden imagination? Have the mods missed a trick in unpersonning us when it would surely pacify the people better if there were traitors to the cause of Niceness to be paraded in the Two Minutes' Hate?

  56. Hank, GIYUS in whatever incarnation gets deleted beyond oblivion in whatever guise he assumes. There are only remaining a few posts by others that don't make any sense given the absence of the source.

  57. I know, Hank, I know. Waiting for the soash to take my kid off me any time now (and the one I am informally fostering at their behest too...)

  58. BB - don't forget that your disbarment (if that's the right word) is hanging over your head too.

  59. Hank,

    drink sodden I may have been but it was no figment of my imagination ;)

    GIYUS whole schtick that evening was that the Guardian was no better than Pravda and did a 'hilarious' list of the Ciffy finalists by putting a '-ski' at the end of each finalists name and then inventing some role for them as part of the Guardian mouthpiece.

    He then went on to name you and monkeyfish as the true dissidents to the totalitarian party line. Fight it between you and monkeyfish who gets to be Solzhenitsyn


    chuckled the Duke.

  60. Ooh, looks like an anti-Blair article by Hans Blix has just been posted. Too bad I'm too close to bedtime to get stuck into it now.

  61. Thaum

    I have warmed to GIYUS lately. He has quite a sense of humour in amongst all that tin-foil-hattery!

  62. Says a lot about Cif, thauma, that the mods have chosen to persecute the wrong Belgian troll.

    And yes, I agree with your earlier post about Lady Bountiful. The one that made me laugh the most recently was the one about the wind in her hair as she cruised the boulevards of Brussels in her red Ferrari.

    It reminded me of the actress who plays Mavis in Corrie, who apparently also has a penchant for driving sports cars, and has a rich interior life.

    There's your next Cif incarnation, MF - Mavisexpats.

  63. Hank, have just had a look at Waddya, and said bounteous Belgian is getting a bit of pasting over her latest post.

    It's all pure class envy, of course.

  64. BB, I know what you mean,

    I know I take the piss, but I think he is one of the good guys. I'd rather read 41,286 of GIYUS posts to every one of MaM's.

    And he called me a third rate Ianucci. Can't say better than that!

    However, he has threatened an Xmas epiphany on UT and CiF.

    Now if I remember rightly from my scarred Catholic ubringing, epihany is the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the person of the Magi, so Christ (quite literally) knows what he's got planned for Xmas day.

    Maybe he'll hijack the Queen's speech or something.

  65. BB - TBH, I generally skip GIYUS's posts.

  66. Cheers for that, Duke. Sorry I missed it.

    Have had a look at the Ciffies tonight and see that Bitey has had a waspish little comment about kizbotski's failure to understand things being due to a surfeit of sun and red wine. Kizbotski has responded graciously. It would have been funnier and better if she'd reacted angrily, but then kiz only does "nice", which is why she's getting support.

    Other than when she's slagging off me and MF, and making excuses for her fellow shoes and shopping fetishist.

  67. Tony Blair bares his soul to Fern Britton. Is this a fucking joke? Of course it is! Half a million (insert own figure here) dead in Iraq. Why? Regime change, WMD, or just 'cos I felt like it and I could?

    Coming soon to a Murdoch TV screen near you - a 13 part series where Tony and Fern talk politics, morality, war and weight loss. Philllip Schofield follows the Blair/Britton plan to shed those excess pounds by jogging, healthy eating and extra-marital sex (with each other, natch). Final episode - live coverage of the dual gastric band operation in a BUPA clinic indirectly funded by the British taxpayer, staffed by moonlighting NHS surgeons, and paid for by the minimum wage.

  68. Oh thauma, she's getting an absolute pasting!! Great stuff. Daft old bint, absolutely lacking in class or self-awareness.

    No sugar for me thanks, Bru.

  69. "Daft old bint, absolutely lacking in class or self-awareness"

    Fuck.. who needs them when you're surrounded by well bred attractive people..interesting people...real extroverts, some of them...that nice old ex-Finnish Minister of Culture has goat's milk in his tea...and Baroness Schlumberger dunks digestives in her Cappuccino...Oh..the tales I could tell...

  70. Some words of advice from Nim Chimpsky

    * Apple me eat
    * Banana Nim eat
    * Banana me eat
    * Drink me Nim
    * Eat Nim eat
    * Eat Nim me
    * Eat me Nim
    * Eat me eat
    * Finish hug Nim
    * Give me eat
    * Grape eat Nim
    * Hug me Nim
    * Me Nim eat
    * Me more eat
    * More eat Nim
    * Nut Nim nut
    * Play me Nim
    * Tickle me Nim
    * Tickle me eat
    * Yogurt Nim eat


  71. She's surrounded by well-bred attractive people atm, MF. If I remember right that was her objection to slumming it on here with foul-mouthed bilious proles like you in the first place.

    Who can blame her? She'll be alright anyway, she'll always get a job, she knows how to say "Would you like fries with that?" in 3 or 4 languages.

  72. Anyway, you chippy old agitator, what prompted the "black pit of the soul" post? I don't read Waddya often these days, so it may have passed me by...

  73. "Would you like fries with that?"

    Is that from Carmen or La Traviata?..I'm such an airhead where librettos are concerned...all the high powered political shenanigans by the hotplate have been taking up most of my concentration just lately.

  74. Stuff the black pit of the soul - I missed the Ferrari post and I'm always interested in Ferraris. Have seen photos taken by local twokkers when they borrowed one after the owner left the keys in the ignition. And yes, it was years ago & yes, they did get their collars felt, etc etc - but they'll always have the photos ..

  75. Oh no it wasn't anything on there. Just a kinda general comment. It's either black mires of despair...(mainly when it's men whose razor sharp analytical skills and logic have confounded me)...or misogyny when it's a chick.

    These are the two reasons for me commenting apparently. When I look about and see shit and mediocrity that's just the badness in my soul throwing its weight behind my perceptions. You watch...there's gonna be more and more of this...my prediction for the coming decade...the Stepfordisation of the web.

  76. You chosen your outfit for the 21st by the way? Tricky innit...don't wanna slum it obviously..but I don't want to intimidate any of the little people by coming over too glam and fabulous.

  77. The wit and wisdom of our favourite European (and this is just the last few days):

    high-profile cases
    high-profile EU officials
    a bottle of champagne and a box of Marcolini chocs
    After scrutinizing my purchases I've decided to keep the lot for myself.
    But on the plus side I got some great clothes - pour moi-même.
    the family lived in a large beautiful home in the Lake District
    I had a large luxury apartment, drove a new flashy red sportcar to Monaco and partied till dawn in any number of hot night-clubs.
    did for my friend when we were on a skiing holiday
    The nearest I've had is being chased round Pompeii by a guard fired up by the scenes in the ancient brothel
    everyone tells me I wear red to perfection.
    I actually met Quentin Crisp on a number of occasions
    cocktails with a crowd of Hungarians
    We can spend our way out of recession? Well I'm doing my best

    And the punchline?

    but I still get called an airhead from time to time

    Can't understand that at all.

  78. You forgot the Ferrero Rocher scherfig..

    "Oh Mr. Ambassador..you are spoiling us"

    Right back to the fishcave...

  79. Oh, it was a Ferrero, not a Ferarri?

  80. am genuinely confused by that on WDDYA. was there something deleted before it? or did it come out of nowhere? weird.


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  82. The problem is that when people insist on providing a catalogue of their lives but are so socially inept and retarded, you tend to think that they probably live in a bedsit above a fish-and-chip shop in Skegness.

    There is a funny feeling you get that something is not quite right, not normal. It is like a shiver or frisson or shudder down the spine but not pleasant.

    It is like the tingle you get when you read in the local paper that the bloke you sometimes chatted to in the pub was actually an escaped lunatic who has just slaughtered the inmates of an old people's home.

    Here's a little piece of gushing vomit from earlier in the day:


    This one is for you.

    My beautiful thespian colleague has this minute told me that she went to see the English Comedy Club's performance of The Cherry Orchard and John Hurt and his wife were in the audience. Apparently they were very impressed with the production.

    So - if you are ever at an acting dead-end in London - there's plenty going on over here.

  83. hank
    Ferraris in Sheffield?

    I know, and there's all those speed bumps to consider - they already play havoc with the undercarriage of the Lamborghini as it is.

  84. "am genuinely confused by that on WDDYA..."

    What in particular, phil? There's a lot of confusing stuff on Waddya.

    Anyway, time for a song or two...


  85. Great post, Littleman. As I said earlier, you might want to try out the MavisExpats persona at some stage...

  86. 'Right back to the fishcave...'

    Steady on, fish. You'll have us all thinking that you're fucking Plato. Plato imagines a group of people who have lived chained in a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. That can't be right, can it?

  87. Unfuckingbelieveable! Did she really think she could tell people what they can and cannot post on the WDYWTTA thread and not get blasted? Have her delusions of grandeur gotten so out of hand that she thinks she's the Queen of Cif now?

  88. scherfig

    "You'll have us all thinking that you're fucking Plato".

    You accusing MF of necrophilia? Whatever next! The tone round here is seriously decining ...

  89. "Steady on, fish. You'll have us all thinking that you're fucking Plato."

    Heh, more like Pluto. And I'm Mickey Mouse, scherf.

    I have to keep him caged up but occasionally think that the time is right to let him off the leash....

  90. Wow, that was quite an entrance, Montana! Who are you talking about? HermaphroditeGingold? Brusselssexchange?

  91. hank

    Yep, stunned us into silence for er, all of four minutes before we both begged for an answer to the 'who' question.

  92. Thx hank. En nogenlunde god oversaettelse til dansk. The Jam are still better in English, though. Here's an appropriate Danish song in English:
    laugh'n a half

  93. Brusselspsycho. After reading comments here about it, I decided I'd look over there before posting here.

    And -- call me a thug, but I can't go along with the notion that Berlusconi didn't deserve to get slammed in the face.

  94. ha ha, ms chin. Those Greeks, eh? And their beautiful boys. BiteTheHand would approve.

  95. Thanks Hank, although I am going to have to embarrass myself by saying that I thought your reference to MF was MonkeyFish - and I am still not sure whether we are talking at cross purposes.

    I have to say that I have now used so many names that yesterday I kept trying to sign on under one which has been banned.

    As a character in one of Vonnegut's short stories says: "Who am I this time?"

  96. D.A.D - originally called Disneyland After Dark. They had to change their name because Walt sued them. True story. So easy on the Mickey Mouse and Pluto references, Hank.

  97. scherfig

    I see he's still fighting his particular good fight on the Porter thread. Ad nauseam.

  98. Yeah, mschin. Homoerotic paedophilia as 19th century romanticism. It's a blast. Where's Browning and moral relativism when you need it?

  99. Littleman

    The multiple identity crisis thingy sounds like a bloody nightmare. Respect for keeping going though!


    Waddya was a bit of a jaw-dropper. Hope your blood pressure returns to normal soon!

    Must away to me bed or it will soon be time to get up again. Night folks.

  100. scherfig

    "Homoerotic paedophilia as 19th century romanticism. It's a blast. Where's Browning and moral relativism when you need it?"

    I think we might have to return to the subject in hand tomorrow, when (hopefully) I will have time to peruse the Porter thread properly & do a bit of Googling on Browning (after I've taken the Ferrero for a facial).

    Definitely good night from me.

  101. I'm stunned, mschin. Not to mention perplexed. If we're voting for the Queen of Cif, the field is wide open....

    Early favourites:

    Her Grace, my Lady,IsabellaMackie of Rusbridgershire
    La Vicomtesse Jessica de la Bile, des les champs des merdes, ou sont les hypocrites kiss arse toujours.

    For those who might not have been following Cif as closely as those of us who have been banned, I am happy to flag up Jessica Reed as a fucking sanctimonious hypocrite with an acid tongue and a very small brain.

    If she was a poster BTL, she would have been banned by now, more than once, given her thin skin, and the fact that her limited intelligence means that the option of arguing rationally and intelligently isn't open to her.

    BellaMackie has a little more about her, but we're starting from a very low base anyway.

    Quite like Isabella in a way. She seems to be quite opinionated and interesting, much more so than the wet liberal wanker who edits the paper these days. I'm amazed that he's got the balls to father a child. Less amazed that, having fathered a child, he'd give her a job on the paper. Whether she deserved it or not.

    I'd like Bella even more if she had the guts to stand on her own feet and get a job on her own merits, rather than relying on nepotism.

    But then that would imply a genuine belief in social equality.

    And that's not really what the Guardian believes in, is it?

  102. Blood pressure's fine, MsChin. It was mostly an amused "unfuckingbelievable". I seem to have missed a comment somewhere though, about keeping all the jewellery for herself?

  103. "Social equality and the liberal media..."

    I'm looking for a volunteer to write something on UT2. RapidEddie, the Duke, MaxGogarty....all invited. One thousand words by next Thursday, guys....

  104. Hank, I think that you're wrong about BellaM. She's just as stupid and vacuous as JessicaReed. She just doesn't embrace the usual trendy issues quite so vociferously or with such hypocrisy. And she's a lot more comfortable with the fact that she's a spoilt brat in a sinecure because of her dad's position. Her sense of entitlement is well developed, and she's not even ashamed of it. There is a certain honesty there that might be admirable to some, but to me, it's despicable.

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