05 December 2009

Daily Chat 05/12/09

Cicero read the last of his Catiline Orations in 63 BC.  Christopher Columbus became the first European to set foot on the island of Hispaniola in 1492.  Prohibition was repealed in 1933, with passage of the 21st Amendment to the US Constitution.  Big day for modernisation in Britain in 1958:  Subscriber Trunk Dialling was inaugurated by a phone call placed by Brenda, in Bristol, to the Lord Provost in Edinburgh and the Preston Bypass was opened.  In 2007, a gunman armed with an AK-47 entered the Von Maur department store at the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska.  He killed eight people and injured four others before killing himself.

Born today:  Christina Rosetti (1830-1894), Fritz Lang (1890-1976), Walt Disney (1901-1966), Otto Preminger (1906-1986), Jos√© Carreras (1946), Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards (1963) and John Rzeznik (1965).

It is National Day and the King's Birthday in Thailand.


  1. The only way I can think of to disseminate festive cheer to all the untrusties:

    Can't remember how to link. Really don't care that much (heh heh). Am in the Christmas spirit. May go out later and buy sweeties and put up the tree.

  2. "May go out later and buy sweeties and put up the tree."

    That's a pretty good way to start the day.

  3. scherf

    You asked me what the fuck was I talking about last night. I haven't the faintest idea. I was very drunk so probably complete bollocks.

    Am now taking my hangover back to bed.

  4. Hangover ?
    Have a sachet of Resolve in cool clear water, then and a big mug of hot marmite. Then eat some oranges. All good.

    Either that or a big dirty fry up. Also good.

  5. MsC

    You get my drift, thank christ someone does. This too.

  6. Nice one, sheff. Have some tea and buttered toast, and then later on you can explain to us the 'Wandering Rocks' chapter of Ulysses through the wonderful medium of interpretive dance. I look forward to your terpsichorean explication. :o)

  7. You bastard scherf - I can barely type this and you want me to do an Isadora Duncan so you can have good laugh. Pulls duvet over head.

  8. There appears to be some dissent over on Swapshop.

  9. Morning o hungover ones. I have remarkably little hangover considering I guzzled a quarter of a bottle of Sailor Jerry's last night. Jeez.

    Already got my tree and most of my decs up, Pip. I still need to get some new lights for outside though. Sod the ozone layer.

    Just had a lovely big fry-up cooked by my beloved - egg, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, toast and two cuppas. What more can a girl ask for?

    Sheff - last night... the quote should have been "If I can't dance I won't be a part of your revolution".

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Ciffies = Swapshop. UT is Tiswas. Far cooler

    Ha ha ;-)

  12. LOL, BW.

    Have you seen the plumber thread? MAM says (s)he's worked for the govt for years and wishes (s)he'd had a real man's job instead!

  13. Wasn't it Frank Zappa who said "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture" or something?

  14. MsChin
    Really ? Bizarre, but I must admit I can't fathom the interest in MaM. Pantomime baddy for the latte generation.

  15. Zappa was great fun and people forget how much fun his libertarianist, ant-Californian rants often were.

    Just watch his Live in New York (1985) DVD for an insight into his comedic genius. People always go on about the, granted, great musicianship (often showcasing gifted new talent), but he also put on a great stage show. Makes me titter he does.

  16. Well, the monkeyfish all star 11 just notched up a 3-1 away win against the league leaders. Brilliant performance all round, especially the impromptu touchline rant or seventeen by their grizzled and hunger-over manager and man-for-all-seasons tactical maestro. I know it's not like me to blow my own kazoo but fuck it why not.

    Just had a quick glance at the ciffie and it turns out billythemule was all just a dream...how odd! One thing though..Rexmundi..you snivelling little lurker..


    I have got a nomination, the ironic one from your master which the mods have allowed to stand. Ironic or what?

    Not the same without Jedward is it? Joe to win I think as people have got tired of Stacy's imbecile act. In much the same way they are tiring of yours.
    Must go now, see you soon.#

    You've really gotta sort yourself out Rexmundi. You and your DI are hardly the brightest detectives down the yard are you?...for the fuckin umpteenth time..billythemule was not Mr Scorpio..stop going with your 'hunches' they're just pure shite. I recommended you because I felt sorry for you...cos you're so fuckin pointless.

    Fuck knows why the two of you bother...Lord Peter Whimsical and Inspector Clueless..you couldn't solve a friggin jigsaw.

    Incidentally...on the X Factor..I'm going for Ollie, but you're right..it's not the same without Jedward.

    and the irony in this...

    #I think as people have got tired of Stacy's imbecile act. In much the same way they are tiring of yours.#

    You seem to imply I'm boring...well, sorry to have to blow the kazoo again...but whatever you think of my posts...deluded..angry...boorish..rude...abusive (I'll take inspiring and incisive personally)..they clearly get a reaction...they obviously reflect what plenty of other people were thinking and they are manifestly not boring. Yours however...well..y'know...

    Also... there is now some proper debate on that thread, CIF has been forced to reveal its seamier, partisan, censorious side yet again, you and Sittingbull are left tilting at windmills since billythemule has been vaporised...too hot to handle apparently.

    Which means all sorts of people can pile in claiming how abusive he was..but I've got them saved..they aren't especially..at least no worse and far less provocative than plenty that remain. Still Billy's gone now and I'm nipping to the pub and then Morrisons...getting a few cans in for the X Factor. Might nip on CIF later in a new guise in case I have to defend Billy's reputation.

    HermioneWingnut called him a misogynist..who'da seen that one coming? Criticise a female poster for a lack of originality or spark and naturally you've gotta be misogynist...stands to reason.

    What do I get for laying into you btw...am I 'ablist' or something...

    And, finally, what do you see in little Geordie Joe btw?...he's pure 'school musical' ..there's nothing there once you get past the smile and jazz hands. Maybe you should nominate him as commenter of the year..he'd fit right in.

  17. Oh yeah..Changed me mind..commenter of the year..Peter Bracken

    Turned out billythemule was a one-trick pony

  18. Yeah, Peter Bracken was unexpected ! Looks like I missed all the fun pover there last night. Good effort 'mule.

    Here's Rory Gallagher again, in case any of you missed it last night.



  19. Peter Bracken is an ex-Rupert, financial market trader living in France.

    Hardly someone I would have thought you would be siding with, MF. Still, takes all sorts I guess. ;o)

  20. Rory G?

    Fancy a bit of Zappa myself

  21. 'Afternoon,
    Wasn't Deano supposed to be coming back early Dec?

  22. A'ernoon, Stoaty

    I thought it was around the 15th.

    While we are on the subject of Zappa, bought the hubby the DVD of 200o Motels last Xmas. Funny as f00k.

  23. I thought deano said he'd be back around the 10th?

  24. Thanks ladies, it's just that I have some animal news might interest him. Nothing queasy of course.

  25. WHOOPY!
    Just got a cheque for £100 for a painting.
    I intend to show you lot how to do that when I get the time.
    I shall blow it all on drink.

  26. colinthestoat
    Wa-hey. You are my kind of boehemian, you know that don't you ? Well done fella !

    That was lovely... nice one.

  27. Bitterweed,
    Just bought litre of export strength gin so I hope I don't come in tonight.

  28. Blimey mate, I didn't think you could get in here without one !


    Not really, on the wagon tonight anyways, as I was up til FOUR last night with these hooligans.

  29. Congrats Colin! Enjoy your gin...

  30. Afternoon all,

    Sounds like I missed a good barney yestereve! Was out at xmas do, merry times had by all. Which thread was this on, and does any of it remain? Hope they haven't vapourised all of billy's posts as the racing one was very funny.

    Going to have a look at yesterday's thread now....

  31. Who you calling a hooligan, Weedie?

  32. Thanks, Philippa. (How's that for spelling?)
    Bitterweed, rough was it?

  33. I have the merest rumblings of an idea and if there's enough interest, I'll make it the first post on my blog. If not, I'll make a start on that 'Should Mourninho Go Back To Chelsea' number that people have been clamouring for. So here it is.

    The Syphies/Whiffies/Golden Turds [Name To Be Confirmed]

    Rather than involve MW in such vileness, and disrupting the give and take of Our Daily Thread, I'll open voting for the worst of CiF in 2009 on a dedicated post. Note: by no means is this a cheap ploy to get hits on my blog. God, no.

    The first thing that I want to know is what should be the categories?


    1. Worst Article.

    2. Worst Contributor.

    3. Worst Commenter.

    After that, there are infinite possibilities. Worst Toadying? Worst Meltdown? Worst Persistence In The Face Of Facts (a.k.a. Worst Example of Blind Ideology? Worst Single Comment? Most Badly Modded Thread? Etc., etc., etc.

    Any takers?

  34. It's all got very weird over on the best commentator thread.

  35. Mind you, it's got weirder on 6Music - what's Richard Bacon doing on there?

    Anyway - well spelt, colin, that's the spirit! will be picking up €50 for one of mine next week, but sadly that will have to go on the washing-machine fund, rather than the gin fund. Boo.

  36. Well done, stoaty!

    RapidEddie - sounds like fun.

    MW & BW - looks like I missed the best bit of last night. That'll teach me to drink spiced rum... sigh.

  37. Philippa,
    Well done, remember: If you can flog it, it's art!
    Thanks BB.

  38. Ha Montana, not you m'am !

    stoaty, I stopped the vino when me guest left about quarter to midnite, but it was late late late before we finished. And the company here was good, as were the choons. I didn't bother with cif, lousy door policy ;-)

    Well certainly mate, give us the url. I won't queer the pitch here, as I can think of plenty, but I do have to say I find it very peculiar how their business model positively encourages bad articles, when, as I have said before, GMG persist in producing good news and analysis in the braodsheet (although nothing like the extent they did fifteen years ago), and sometimes great, but usually thoughtful stuff in the Review section. It's as if they choose to ringfence all the quality writers in the hardcopy. Like CiF is their snotty, brattish and spoilt kid brother. And as Georgina Henry said last February (I think JayReilly has the link) if people want to have a punt on pitching them articles, they are free to do so, but they "don't want analysis". End of. So. Fuck objectivity or facts.

    Baffling. And utterly frustrating for anyone with half a brain who knows more about the subject than the author. Which we often do, and then get modded for our efforts (and no - I'm not talking about rudeness - we expect that to get deleted - so many forthright corrective posts have been deleted so often in the name, it would appear, of solely protecting the feelings of the out of their depth author. So many - it can't be a mistake, lol! There's the rub I reckon. Anyway - your blog should be an interesting on, nice one.

  39. BB
    Spiced rum ? Try Ray and Nephew, jamaican overproof. It'll make you try to put your head in a speaker.

    PS, still haven't got the plug-ins - I removed all my vid ware last month because my version Vista won't let itunes run (grr!) Will sort it soon though- thanks again for the linkies !)

    PhilipaB also a painter eh ? Excellent

  40. Congrats Colin - what an artistic community we have here, eh?

    Dear Mr Selfmademan,

    Can I first apologise for not answering sooner? I was undertaking some stress-relieving activities myself at the time of your post, and these continued for many hours. You'll be glad to hear that the therapy seems to have been effective and I am feeling quite relaxed today.

    As someone in the import/export business myself (well, more import than export), I feel a strange affinity to your posts.

    As for the dress, I'm afraid that I borrowed it from an, er, friend in order to pose for my avatar picture. Perhaps it is, er, she that you might have met.

    Very sorry to hear about Mrs Selfmade's back and I do hope that it doesn't put you out too much.


    this is when it hurts the most. It really, really, really hurts.

    How the fuck do you think we Irish feel?


    That is to say, I am glad that I don't follow the round-ball sport and am delighted at our rugby team's recent heroic efforts.


    It would seem that there is much to discover yet on yesterday's thread, so I will post this and keep wading.

  41. Really good music last night, spent this afternoon re-listening to it. Thanks to all, you're better than any dj on any radio station.

    Another working night ahead, so if anyone's around later, I'll be hungry for more, play on!

  42. thaumaturge,
    Thanks Pip and I are going to set up 'Pipcol' a company to design avatars.

  43. heyhabib
    Cool, bring some choons, I'll be in and out !

  44. comments now closed on best commentator, and my hard drive any my sanity have written a joint letter saying 'and thank fuck for that'...

    right - off to the pub to provide moral support to a city supporter who will probably be mid-whinge by the tme I get there. then party! evening, all.

  45. Hank re 'nice' (yesterday's thread). We use the word to mean what its meant to mean down here. It seems you were using it in the sense of our so called betters being 'nice' e.g. Tories as the 'workers friend', the better to shaft us.

    In that sense of the word I agree but I don't think that's 'nice'!

    But hey that's just semantics!

  46. Phillipa - agree about the effect of long threads like the ciffie one on both hard drive and sanity!

    TBH I've stopped reading threads longer than about 350 posts - explorer keeps freezing and even when it doesn't its so f**king s l o w !

    I have e-mailed them about it(several days ago) guess what?

    No reply!!

  47. annetan42
    Have you tried standing on a chair and throwing slippers at the screen ?

  48. The Sloppy Slippers Project?

    That is bloody ridiculous!

  49. BB

    that story about the Michael Young fund has cheered me up no end - so thanks for that. :-))

    Now have to gear myself up for a big family knees up (Ma's 90th birthday), which means driving to London and back tomorrow - making sure I don't get pissed so i don't say anything offensive to the old girl but mainly so I can actually drive back and don't have to stay with her.

  50. Hope you manage to enjoy it a bit at least, Sheff.

  51. "Peter Bracken is an ex-Rupert, financial market trader living in France.

    Hardly someone I would have thought you would be siding with, MF. Still, takes all sorts I guess. ;o)"

    Well it takes all sorts and if he's the only one who's prepared to shout bullshit when he sees it then more power to his elbow..whatever that might mean.

    He reminds me of the little boy in the new "Bumper Compendium of CIF Fairytales"...(is 'fairytales' still OK btw, or is it 'Elven community folk tales' or something)

    Anyway...the little boy sees the naked princess waltzing down the street and he shouts "fuck me...she's naked"
    Luckily the rest of the crowd are all nice liberals so they convict him of a hate crime and he's sent off for re-education. While he's in the Redemption Unit, he shares a cell with a troll who was brought in by social services..he was found wandering the riverbank when his bridge was condemned by the council for its 'Imperialist tendencies'. Anyway, the troll is locked up and, eventually renounces goat meat and starts to discover just what a nasty, hurtful, goatist bastard he's always been.He is so sorry for what he's done that he helps little Peter and his stubborn friend billy overcome their issues and become nice boys.

    When they get out, the first thing they do is go on the internet and post lovely messages for the princess saying how horrible they were and how sorry they are..and how they realise that some of the silly vacuous things that the princess says are really quite profound and fundamentally lovely...

    and they all lived happily ever after

    Well until..

    ... one Friday when evil Baron Scorpio from Castle Greyskull got hold of some magic potion and drank it all in one go and....

    but that's another story.

  52. thaumatuge
    Blood postcode lottery ! We don't even get community Hemerhoid Creamers here.

    Speaking of which, my mate Mick, aged 64 now, barking mad, pugilist ex-infantry factory sprayer who doesn't mince his words, very funny at times, very old Labour and revels in being exceptionally rude: over a pint last night he tells me last Thursday he went put his false teeth back in and decided to put some bonjela on his upper plate. Wrong tube. Got the H cream.

    Man I was crying.

  53. Monkeyfish
    You've got a gift there mate. That was fuck-off funny.

  54. It won't be too bad - my kids and lovely brothers will be there - plus all the cousins and a couple of batty old aunts, so there'll be a big enough crowd to keep a decent distance.

    Now have to stay off the swally so I'm fit for driving at the crack of doom tomorrow. No alcohol shall pass my lips till I'm safely back tomorrow night. What a prospect!

  55. BW, you're absolutely right and, as everyone suspects, the whole point of CiF is simply to keep the page hits rolling. A bad article is usually worth more than a good article to GMG, as the frothing hordes of commenters post and refresh to keep up with things and to check out their recommends tally.

    It means a Brooks' 'They're All Gagging For It' post or a Campbell 'It's About Me, It's Always About Me' post is online gold. I used to think that the appalling quality control on articles and the fact that the average age of the mods is about 14 were drawbacks, but they are the wobbly foundation stones of CiF's success.

    Not sure about 'pitching to' CiF though. There are various CiF ideological lines that won't be crossed. Save it for the UT or the pub.

    Nice to see as well that despite the unseemly kerfuffle over Rusbridger's nepotism last year, he still managed to find a sinecure for young Isabella in CiF. So £500,000 for Big Al and £20,000 and luncheon vouchers for the young 'un. Didn't MPs just have this kind of practice outlawed amongst their own ranks?

  56. annetan42
    Seriously - what browser are you running ? If it's Internet Explorer, ditch it.

    You can download Firefox for free, it runs much smoother.

    Gimme a shout if you need a link or anything. Ten minute job.

  57. RapidEddie
    Yes good spot. Rsubridger is proud of Cif, especially, I read recently, that it has over "200,000 members".

    On a macro scale I wonder if we're just validating their business model by posting here. The sad truth is we probably are. But at least here we can be openly honest about the fuckfaced little enemies of reason and goodness.

    Let me know when you're launching this thing - I'm sure our stunning hostess MW will shout it out for you...

  58. It's Satruday night, I'm feeling on song
    I think I'm alright, I know I'm all wrong
    The drink that I had three hours ago
    Has been joined by fourteen others
    In a steady flow
    So let me walk straight, don't let me feel pain
    I'm gonna scratch cars with my keys again
    Cos when I go home and fall on my bed
    If it doesn't leave my stomach it'll split my head.

    That's The Proclaimers, reminding me what Saturday nights should be about. God I hate sobriety, good luck Sheffpixie.

  59. BW - am thinking of applying for a pair as my current slippers are well past their use-by. Not sure how old you have to be to qualify, but perhaps I could go in after a late night.

    Am just getting to the bottom of the commenter Ciffies thread - farkinell. It's possible to be serious about politics AND engage in a little light-heartedness now and again ... isn't it?

  60. Nice to see our friends and neighbours from City doing the business today. Since they've no chance of winning the league themselves, it's jolly decent of them to put a spoke in the wheel of the London losers. Big brave lionheart will be gurning his lamps out again come the end of the season. Gracias Carlos! And a hat tip to the big Irish keeper who unfortunately won't be saving any penalties in South Africa because of that cheating bastatrd Henry.

  61. scherfig
    Eloquently put, eloquently put

    heyhabib, also eloquent... I saw the Proclaimers a few years back and they were 1000 times better than I expected. They're a great band, and very very funny and sharp too. Joy of a night.

    "It's possible to be serious about politics AND engage in a little light-heartedness now and again ... isn't it?"

    Hell yes. Sometimes it's the only way to handle it.

  62. BW thanks I will think about it -
    a) when I've moved and actually have 10mins
    b) have bought the new lap top I have promised myself!

    Expecting a 'completion statement' from solicitors but that doesn't mean I have a date!

    Packing books tomorrow! - big job!

    Then its the kitchen :-(

  63. And why not?

    Strangely, I found this on the jukebox in my local pub here in Copenhagen. Nobody had ever heard it before, but once I had given it a spin, it was never off the playlist. Lots of Danes happily trying to sing along when they couldn't understand a single fuckin' word.

  64. anne

    Best of luck.

    And try Firefox - it works for me!

  65. Mr Stoat and PhilippaB

    Congratulations, I hope you sell many more of your paintings

  66. Hehehehe - I love that tune. And I especially love the accent. :o)

  67. Yey scherfig! Have you seen "Benny and Joon"? That song's in it. Best quote:
    Joon: "You're out of your tree"
    Sam: "It's not my tree"


    Sam: "Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal".

  68. Scottish accents? Did someone call?

    A mate sent me this. Now I know everyone that puts a link on says you've got to listen to this. BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO LISTEN TO THIS. LOUD.

    Stevie Wonder does 'Superstition' on Sesame Street

    Recorded in 1972, 4 years before he should have disappeared in a plane crash and ended his recording career.

    Lean, mean and so funky he makes James Brown sound like Tracey Thorn from Everything but the Girl.

  69. Not seen it, heyhabib. It looks pretty good - I'll check it out. Thx.

    Joon:She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.
    Benny: The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.

  70. Hank If you reading - I see the EDL had their morons out in Nottingham today. See anjy of that ? A-holes.

  71. Superb Stevie Wonder clip, your grace.

    Yes, the EDL muppets were out in full force in Nottingham today claiming that the UAF were protesting against British soldiers. Eeejits.

    I found a really stupid video on youtube posted by someone saying it was "not a political statement" - then when you click on his username all his "friends" are the various BNP sites etc. They really are thick these twats.

  72. Good call, Duke. Songs in the Key of Life was the peak. Although this is good too:
    Jesus Children Of America

    Btw, ah didnae ken that Stevie Wunda wiz scottish.

  73. Great MsChin ! especially that last one.... rootsy...
    Back laters...

  74. well, there's nothing sweeter than seeing surprise and happy at the same time. have left city-loving mate to it and retired chez moi...

  75. scherf,

    I love 'songs in the key of life' but my personal favourite is 'Talking Book', not a duff note, never mind a duff song.

    And yes, he is Scottish, what about:

    - Ah wuz made tae luv urr

    - Ma cheree amoor

    - Ah dinnae ken why (ah love ye)

    - Dinnae ye fash aboot a hing

    - Fur wance in ma life

    and loads more beside those.

  76. Oh, sweet baby jeebus. I just read the 'Commenter of the Year' thread. All 1000+ comments of it. The thread was open when I started reading it and closed by the time I finished.

  77. Montana - the same can probably said of my mind...

  78. Ye havnae din naithin' (with the Jackson Five)

  79. Michael Jackson week on the X Factor

    ...bit of a let down to be honest...not a fuckin chimp or a kiddy fiddler in sight.


    ...the only bits worth reading would have been disappeared by the time you read it...a Stalinist revisionist history is all that remains...the genuine and heartfelt pleading of a put-upon and oppressed minority were deleted from the record.

    Seems a certain plucky poster had almost brought the whole corrupt and degenerate regime to its knees when Commissar Seaton called for the ice-axe...seconds later our brave proletarian son of toil had been erased and blandness and mediocrity once more ruled the glorious motherland...usual story

  80. monkeyfish,

    aah, so the mule man was you. I thought it was Notts Forest's number one supporter.

    I must do a crash course in the idiosyncratic differences between you and Hank's undercover CiF iconoclasm.

  81. Yep, Stevie Wonder should have retired before the end of the 70s, along with Van Morrison and Eric Clapton. Superstition is a wonderful piece of music.

    Colin & Philippa, congrats on the sales. You have any of your work online for us to see?

    Yez all saw mine a few days ago. Here's a link to the brand new website of painter and illustrator David Cousley, who as well as being able to draw rings round me and make absolutely anything, happens to be my cousin.

  82. Your Grace you missed out

    A'body an' aye Ronnie - a song worthy of Oor Wullie!

  83. 13th Duke

    It's...simple...the ellipses...I have forsaken the hidebound conventionality of received punctuation as a bourgeois..er...affectation. Plus I say beige more than him..and bland...ellipses are great..I recommend them to anyone...keep your fingers busy when you're deciding what to type next.

    Still...it all needed saying...even most of the "don't be horrible to Snow White" muppets conceded that much and it was by way of a retro-showcase..there was a time you could post that kinda stuff and it wasn't a problem...now it's just mindless boorish hate-mongering apparently. As I recall, it used to be par for the course.

    Besides, if anyone has suffered at the hands of CIF posters it's me...even in my high octane, anarchic deletion days, any adfish jibes were always fair game and allowed to stand while my considered musings were left scattered on the fuckin cutting room floor like so many malnourished Rumanian orphans who were too weak, ill or unphotogenic to smile for the nice fat guy from ITN news when the Christmas parcels turned up.

    I've been a martyr to that place...they should have a statue of me in the CIF reception area.

  84. Oh yeah..did I ever tell ya

    I had a piss in the toilets at Scratchwood services once...and who should appear at the next urinal..Chic Murray...he just turned and said..don't bother son, I'm havin a piss

    always wondered what I wasn't supposed to bother doing..I wasn't going to ask for the autograph or get him to say something funny,

  85. monkeyfish,

    Chic Murray. Don't know his stuff much apart from his small but perfectly formed part as the headmaster in the greatest film about football ever, 'Gregory's Girl'.

    I know that he's seen as one of the Godfathers of 80's alternative comedy. Maybe 'don't bother son, I'm havin a piss' was a catchphrase he was working on ;)

  86. Meant to add,

    Edwin, could you fill us in a bit more about Chic Murray?

  87. Ahhh... Gregory's Girl. Superb film.

    Although my all time favourite film is (and probably always will be) Local Hero.

  88. Grabbed some Chic Murray jokes from the web - fabulous. Billy Connolly once said he pondered where Chic Murray got his jokes from and then remembered an old shipyard worker looking at a photo of Mick Jagger and saying 'By Christ if that boy isnae on drugs he ought to be'. Pure Chico, and also pure Ivor Cutler!


    It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

    I made a stupid mistake last week. Come to think of it, did you ever hear of someone making a clever mistake?

    So I gave him a wave. Actually, it was more of a half wave, because I only half know him.

    What use is happiness? It can't buy you money.

    I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

    If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

    My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

    I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese.

    I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

    If it weren't for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.

    After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

    Kippers- fish that like a lot of sleep.

    The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

    It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

    I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

    Get into yourself to get yourself out of your self. Then try to lose yourself.

  89. Oooh my wife has just called - Tremors is on!

  90. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

    Either Chic stole that one from Steven Wright, or Wright stole it from him. Sounds more like Wright to me.

  91. BB,

    don't get me started on Local Hero. I'll never stop.

    The end of Local Hero is the greatest end to a movie of all time and brings a tear to my eye every single time I watch it.

    So many brilliant lines, but I love when a drunk Mac and Gordon are standing at the bar and Mac's trying to persuade Gordon to swap jobs and countries- ''I'd make a good Gordon, Gordon.''

  92. "My aim is to bake a cake that eats itself, because that is, in a sense, what the Fourth Sector is - a self-eating cake"

    In a way, my CiF posts, perhaps like yours, MF, are self-eating cakes.

  93. Chic Murray was a mensch

    Took comedy to surreal levels decades before 'alternative' was more than a gleam in in Ben Elton's mam's milkman's eye. A breath of fresh air through the dark days of Manning, Jim Davidson, Stan Boardman et al. Understated, self-referential and brilliant...not your archetype Glaswegian either...just way cool..if I had to land an analogy it'd be Marcel DuChamp..(admit I'm swayed by the urinal factor) but (and I'm avoiding the easy 'piss take punchline) he kinda came to the conclusion that he transcended comedy and could get laughs while pissing on the audience by giving them something else..like regular runothemill comedy was for fuckin low-brow saps..he went minimalist.

  94. MF
    I'd never heard of Chic Murray, so cheers for that. What I liked about Alexei Sayle - out of all that alternative comedy crowd - even when he had the room eating out of the palm of his hand, his attituded was "stop being sheep - think for yourselves !" The comedy was a vehicle.

  95. Oh fuckin hell BW..you misunderstand me

    My cakes aren't self-eating...I make my cakes with reinforced concrete; it's just that them fuckin mods got the go ahead to outsource to 'Semtex deletion solutions' once Seaton got top spot...er..we are talking Thick of It here aren't we?

  96. My fave line, your grace, is:
    "Gideon, are you sure there are two L's in 'dollar'?"
    "Aye.... and are there two G's in 'bugger off'?"

    Too many good lines.

    "Aye, but you'll never get your winter ewes into a Maserati."

    (Re: the rabbit stew)

    "That rabbit had a name! It had two names!"
    "Well I don't think there's much we can do about now, Mac. Would you like me to call a vet?"

    And yes, that last scene makes me greet like a bairn too.

  97. BW

    If you get a clip...watch it 3 times..then look at the date, then bear in mind..it's probably '78 or thereabouts (and consider what else was about..."It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it." was practically Dostoevsky back then)..he was years ahead of the game..guy's an acquired taste..but SEMINAL...in BLOCK CAPITALS

  98. MF
    Nice one, I'll check you tube. Yeah... it was the Thick of It. I've just literally watched last weeks, am recording this weeks now and will watch it after match of the day now in a minute. Why the fuck I'm bothering to I don't know, just to see that twat face Wenger make even more of a fool of himself than the spanish plum. Congrats on the yoof win today by the way... I take it you and this ref got on better ??

  99. Ach she's watching Spooks on iplayer instead damn it.

    Pondering on the way here I think Chic's true heir is not a Scot, but John Shuttleworth - and in parts, Neil Innes. I've seen Neil Innes perform twice and each time he called the great Chic to mind.

    I saw Neil Innes do a gig two years go - someone heckled him and he sighed resignedly and said - 'Ah Glasgow, the Sparta of the north'.

    I could hear Chic applauding from the Elysian fields.

  100. Edwin/monkeyfish,

    cheers for the info on Murray. I'll definitely be doing some further investigation.


    Local Hero. Forsyth's masterpiece. And like all of Forsyth's oeuvre, it's what's left unsaid and what's left to the audiences own imagination that makes it magical.

    It's big money verus small picturesque village but Forsyth turns it on its head- the small village is desperate to sell! ''You can't eat scenery''.

    The biggest capitalist in the whole film is the Soviet sailor Victor. The parish priest definitely does not look local, nobody knows who the Punk Mary's daughter is, they all take turns to look after the baby. What do Happer and Ben discuss in Ben's hut? Who IS the 'Local Hero'?

    I also love the fact the two main female characters Stella and Marina represent the sea and the stars.

    And the end ***SPOILER ALERT- LOOK AWAY NOW*** Forsyth leaves it up to you- is no one answering because of the time difference? Has everyone forgotten the 'Yank'? Or has the village been sold and there's no one there anymore?

    And Mac's sense of loneliness and emptiness at the end back in Houston is almost tangible, it's heart wrenching BECAUSE it's underplayed to perfection by Peter Reigert.

    And Peter Capaldi doesn't swear once!

    That's my afternoon sorted for tomorrow.

  101. Bill Forsyth is hated by some members of the cultural establishment in Scotland because he sees people as essentially good, and good sometimes wins - much to the chagrin of those who see Ken Loach's Sweet Sixteen as the only possibly true Scotland.

    Improbably (of course) the plot of Local Hero has been played out in real life by the Trump - no happy ending there I fear.

    Night guys.

  102. That's funny, your grace, because it never occurred to me that no-one would answer the phone. I just really related to that feeling of being back to the "real world" and yearning to be somewhere else.

    The Priest is hilarious - "Murdo".

    "I'm as discreet as the next man, Mr MacIntyre" - then Danny looks over to the church and sees the whole village trying to sneak out unobserved and says nothing to MacIntyre about it.

    And the bloody Yellow Rose of Texas alarm on the watch!

  103. Bw

    Just clocked tonight's

    "the only vibe you've gotta worry about is the one in your wife's knicker draw"...sublime

    "You're Special K, you're the moody fuckin blues..you're background music sunshine"...now there's an arrow to have in ones quiver.

  104. Ok UT'er. Time I wasn't here. Busy day tomorrow (after a day of relative sloth today)

    Night night xx

  105. Poop. I wish I could see Local Hero or Gregory's Girl again. Or that other Forsyth masterpiece -- That Sinking Feeling.

  106. monkeyfish,
    Ollly was crap tonight the same way you are crap every night.