29 June 2009

Daily Chat 29/06/09

Wow. There is virtually nothing that happened on this date in history worth typing. In 1613, the Globe Theatre burned to the ground. Beyond that, just really trivial crap, in my judgment. The only three living slebs having birthdays today that I recognise are Harmon Killebrew (baseball player from my childhood), Gary Busey (nutjob actor), and Colin Hay (of 80s Aussie group Men at Work). It's Independence Day in the Seychelles. I guess that's exciting if you live in the Seychelles.


  1. Well Montana, you've nearly managed to realise one of my ideal comedy situations; i.e. the day we have News at Ten & the presenter has to sit there & say, "Today's headlines - nothing happened" :)

  2. Since the news of old is thin perhaps it's time to initiate an award to fill the space.

    I know that there are some of the sharpest and funniest cif folk ever who frequent these pages. That is why I spend a lot of time reading here. It repays my effort in buckets. I often go away laughing out loud.

    Thus I think we should have an award for the line of the week.

    And I wish to nominate the stoat for what I consider is a classic high speed piece of wit and repartee.

    It arose on Saturday last (27/6/09) @ 16.34 and it reads simply:

    "You're on girl - is it too early in the relationship to ask what you are wearing?"

    Obviously context is all - but I near wet myself when I read the speed of the stoat in pursuit of a pixie. Fucking brill. Banter par excellence.

    So for me - for Frederick Furnivall man of the week it is the stoat by a good measure.

    Of course he couldn't have performed so well without the delightful encouragement from his accomplice sheffpixie another star to watch carefully

  3. That's not to say that there were not other star performers last week:

    Scherfig/MsChin 27/06/09 @ 19.03 another class double act each sparking the other

    and SwiftyBoys diligent reporting in bringing us the news of the Kush - 24/06/09 @ 11.25 had me in fits.

    just to mention a couple of others by way of example.

    These eccentric contribution along with many others from many others all help make up for the frustrations them fegging mods cause us. Thank god for the Untrusted

    Don't let the bastards grind you down! Albert Finney in...........?

  4. Anon,
    With respect and thanks, don't think it's the way to go.

  5. I think line of the week could be quite funny, though i havent been on cif enough lately to put anything forward. Maybe weekly might be too regular, monthly might be fun. Though ideally we'd have a separate thread where people could post their nominations.

    29th June, what a boring date, nothing of note has ever happened on June 29th. Rubbish date. Across the whole world, with around 2,500 plausible years to make an entry, June 29th has consistently failed.

  6. On refection - monthly if at all. Separate thread sounds sensible - individuals can decline nomination etc.

    Doesn't have to be an award simply a separate thread that collects together pointers to the funnies. eg 12/12/09 @ 8.00am * or ** or *** etc

    As ever Montana can veto or promote the idea as she sees fit.


  7. Greetings all, I was given a link to this place by someone called MFIShelfUnit on the 'What do you want to talk about' thread on CiF.

    I'm not sure why exactly. What's the crack here?

    PS: Gary Busey is a legend. Happy birthday Gary!

  8. Hello Czarny, welcome to our humble abode.

    The crack here is really anything people want to natter about, often CIF, often politics, often Hazel Blears and pigs, often music, youtube linking is a popular pastime, modding gripes, etc etc...

  9. Hi Czarny

    work your way back through the last few days threads - you will come across one from a poster named monkeyfish - he left you a greeting.

  10. Of fuck it - thats not much of a welcome I'll go and find you the reference.

  11. @ czarny kot

    Yea - see the archive top right of this page

    log onto yesterday 28/06/09

    scroll down to 13.47 Monkeyfish left a welcome there for you.

    The "Untrusted" house philosphy is clearly stated in the green banner at the top of this page.

    In essence you can say what you like to who you like subject to your own self control and a strong but tolerant collective will. There are no mods here.

    The site owner/conscience is known as Montana Wildhack - she is the only person who can tell you you are not welcome here. She is strongly and rightly supported by the collective of CiF folk who drop in and out from time to time. Only one person as ever been asked to leave.

    Most who post here use the same monikers as on CiF (where possible!)

    I add my small welcome - if you were welcomed by monkeyfish (an old cif moniker now moderated away )you will have interesting things to say I am sure.

  12. Deano slaps head and says sorry fish - have shit toothache waiting for dentist in 2 hours. If I have blown another cover it's cos I ain't thinking clear!

    There are times when I feel like pulling my own teeth perhaps the tossers won't see the mistake.

  13. No problems Deano, just read yesterday's thread and saw Monkey Fish's greeting.

    Monkey Fish, Olching and many, many others-- some with their own blogs.. I feel like i've found out where all the cool kids go for a smoke.

    Apologies to Mr. Fish if I have mistakenly blown his cover...

  14. You aint thinking clear slap head cos he left enough clues to blow his own cover!

  15. C K,
    It's a great place to meet women.

  16. It would never be my desire to see the "Untrusted"
    reduced to a comedy store.(or a one person sideshow)

    [A choice to post sometimes means filling a space/silence rather than a desire/need for audience.]

    One should never presume that cyber writing is always a call to look at me - sometimes it can be a way of saying fuck off mods. Traffic and volume affect the perceptions of others. Sometimes as an irritant sometimes as a threat or consideration at the least.

    Sometimes as just sheer bloodymindedness that says you will have to fucking read me tedious turd that I am else you will not know of what I speak.

    If there was no one here the mods could hardly give a fuck - and then they would have won by default. Another ideal of mine would have been lost. I should feel bad if I let it go without a thought or a care. I post here to help something I hold dear not because I give a flying fuck what the heck any of you think of me.

    Some of us are not at all obsessed with the sound of our voice. I'm just part of the chorus that's all. If I sing out of tune............fuck off.

    I think that what was nagging away in my toothache addled head whilst I was walking the dogs this morning was that this wonderful site is in danger of struggling under it's own accumulation of that wonderful stuff called flotsam and jetsom. That upon which it thrives must be approached with sensitive caution if at all!

    Some really interesting stuff (as well as the funny stuff)gets written here but with the passage of time it gets to be difficult to find it again or to point it out to others.

    We have had some really interesting special pieces atomboy et al. They are still there but not obvious to a newcomer.

    We are all I guess CiF conditioned by the archiving facility and the facility of recommend, which guide and inform us and help us just find our way around.

    If only we could have such familiar tools and devices here some of the problems would be solved at once.

    But we can't - so:

    Think of the *, **, *** funnies indicator as no more than work in progress (in a confused mind) But the issue of structure here is not likely to go away as the site grows in strength.

    If czarny stays it will be interesting to get her/his views about how the site "works" from the newcomers point of view - perhaps in a few weeks time.

    This is not to say that I don't like the daily thread - I do I think it's great idea. Perhaps I'm starting to think it needs adding to in some way/

    Its really only a problem of signposting - its not philosophy its not content etc etc

    Thinking out loud ends.

  17. message in a bottle29 June, 2009 14:54

    Mod - don't start thinking that he will code everything he writes with "thinking out loud ends."

    He might end some with - "mischief".

    and others with - "herm" has absented his/her/their sen.

  18. How about goodbye cruel world?

  19. Or up yours.

  20. C k
    Stoaty is a randy bugger. Up and down like the Asyrian Empire.

  21. Bitterweed,
    I prefer to think of myself as a romantic.

  22. Sorry Mr Stoat, my bad.

  23. Stoat Weed - *** -*** an honourable draw

  24. CzarnyKot

    Just saw your name yesterday. Remembered I used to like your posts. You seemed to be hitting the level of exasperation I was when the axe finally fell on monkeyfish. HankScorpio was around till yesterday. Hopin' he'll be back soon.

    Anyway, thought I'd make you aware of this place in case you one day lose it and tell Seaton what a bourgeois wank-stain he is and slag him off for dragging CIF into the gutter.

    Nice to see ya anyway.

  25. CK

    Oh don't worry about blowing my cover. I've been through plenty already...offhand monkeyfish, CaptainLard, monkeyshark, sherbetfandango, MFIshelfunit and another one I can't remember. (he was the best)

    MFIshelfunit was coming to the end of his shelflife anyway.

  26. One must be circumspect regardind IDs on this site
    for, as we know, most Graun 'writers' can't write I have come to believe that quite a few can read.

  27. There is the most incredibly irritating open thread on cif about MJ's doctor's "bad ass" lawyer.

    You guys really ought to get over there and liven it up a bit.

  28. @monkeyfish

    I know what you mean about Mr. Seaton. While I have never had a personal run-in with him his general tone when talking to posters really grates.

    Could I ask you why you got banned (if asking so doesn't break some kind of unspoken etiquette)?

    I've had my fair share of deletions but looking at some of the people who aren't banned i'd be interested to know what you have to say to get the 'death sentence.'

  29. I see that idiot Brian Whit had to look up 'proctologist' I didn't and I left school at 15.

  30. Matt Seaton is a weedy line toer of the first order - he got quite shirty that the jaffa cake thread got so many posts and his humorous asides were pathetic. I've been deleted a few times but not modded or banned yet, have that to come I guess.

    Afternoon stoaty - got your shorts on?

  31. Czarny Kot,
    You can be pre modded if you repeat something the mods have deleted. Though it is harder to be banned completely, I have had an ID banned but I don't quite know why. I can only assume that it's because I spoke about it on here.

  32. CK

    Forget to be honest. I think it was just that I was put in premod too often. That was normally for pointing out inconsistencies in moderation, accusations of nepotism,hypocrisy, bad writing, pointing out that some ATLers were better protected than others (mainly Toynbee and Bunting) and so managed to put out drivel year after yaer without being called on it(or so it appeared once the mods had got to work) and basically anything which attacked the cif editorial line. (I've got particular issues with identity and single issue politics and blind relativism)

    I think in the end it was mutual. Dunno if you've been in premod but it's particualrly irksome as you're forced to self-moderate until they decide you've rehabilitated yourself. Eventually I just kept firing off what I thought anyway and they banned me. It certainly wasn't one post...more an accumulation.

    Of course it was also a change a policy from cif (though they denied this) as there were a number of bannings all at the same time. HankScorpio got zapped within a few days of me and WoolymindedLiberal. Those two also had a habit of attacking ATLers and liked to highlight cif's hypocrisy and inconsistency.

    They did offer an amnesty which involved an indefinite period of premoderation but I couldn't be arsed.

  33. That is just the sort of thing you would know stoaty..

  34. Sheffpixie,
    Drat! outwitted meself again.

  35. Is it just me or is Ewan McGregor a bit of a knob ?

  36. Czarny Kot: welcome to The Untrusted.

    Not really come across you on CiF, but a recommendation from Monkeyfish is good enough for me :-)

    This place started life as somewhere to discuss subjects originally raised on CiF, but has gradually morphed into something else, and continues to change as new people come along and add their little bit. It’s whatever we (and now you) want it to be. Hope you like it!

    Bitterweed: any reason for bringing up Ewan’s knob, or was it just the first thing that came to hand? ;-)

  37. Is it just me or is Ewan McGregor a bit of a knob ?

    Nah...he's a right knob. Decided when I heard him telling me what sacrifices and hardship he was enduring riding round the world on his new bike...with his equally big knob of a mate...all to bring me this life-enhancing, luvvie documentary. And the precious little fucker was being paid..well paid.

    Like half the fuckin country wouldn't be doin' the same tomorrow given the friggin chance. I know how long I'd be mulling it over if the Beeb gave me a call...fuckin limp wristed, self absorbed, little streak of piss.

    He was alright in Train Spotting though. Quite good actually.

  38. This comment has been removed by the author.

  39. andy
    No, just the usual stream of pointless bile...

    He was ok in Trainspotting. Robbert Carlisle can't stand him, thinks he's atalentless twat, which I always find a deeply gratifying thought.

    His scintilating bike exploits among sepia people summed him up perfectly, as well as the BBC, and the UK's sick little middle classed aspirations up in one go.

    Get rich & buy groovy experiences.

    Like Danny said, they're selling hippy wigs in Woolworths man....

  40. GP01 -- you have no idea just how close I came to realising your comedy situation. When I was looking for material and saw what there was, I originally wrote:

    Fuck all happened on this day in history, no one even vaguely interesting is having a birthday and, apart from saints' feast days, the only place in the world that has any reason to celebrate the day are a bunch of tiny, little islands.

    But then I thought I ought to at least put some effort into it and just because I don't find Harmon, Gary & Colin interesting, doesn't mean someone else might.

  41. McGregor is Denis Lawson's nephew. And they were both in Star Wars films, albeit it about 30 years apart. That must count for something, surely?

  42. Robert Carlyle is a great actor-- equally convincing as cuddly Hamish Macbeth and as radgie Begbie. I believe actors call it 'range'.

    Ewan MacGregor has never aroused any strong feelings, positive or negative. He's a bit bland.

    Thanks Andy.

  43. Bastard

    Bastard fegging dog.

    Mungo 2 Deano 0

    I thought I would teach the sod a lesson after last nights antics. I kept him on the lead half way round the field of wheat. I let him off - no problem. All the way on the outward leg of the walk gold as good as.

    On the return leg we enter the home field of wheat. I see a broken birds egg on the ground I stop to look up into the trees to see where it might have fallen from.

    Mungo see's me take my eye of the ball so to speak - result? The bastard pisses on me boots and takes of for a lunatic lap of honour round and through the field of wheat.

    I Mungo play road runner!

    He really is a smug bastard when he's got one on him.

    If it were physically possible he's the sort of dog that would piss you off by doing two miles backstroke, and then two miles crawl, up and down the canal whilst you wanted to get to the pub.

    Thank good we are almost through the twenty days around solstice else it would be:


  44. Deano, I refrained from cracking this one yesterday, but now I can restrain myself no longer:

    It’s a dog’s life, mate!

  45. "The bastard pisses on me boots and takes of for a lunatic lap of honour round and through the field of wheat."

    Deano, please do keep these updates coming. That was great...

  46. Deano

    You're better off with a bitch - more loyal and a lot less frivolous.

  47. Andy - when he's good and civil he's as good a spare pension.

    For 345 days of the year I could sit outside any supermarket in England and (looking like a tramp as I do) the public would provide food for me and him.

    Not because of what I look like but because of what he looks like. He has winning ways but for twenty days around the solstice he's Barking!

    There is also the old saying - "every dog will have it's day". Bastard Mungo can't count and insists on at least twenty a year.

    How's the read on the Wobblies going? Imagine allotment time more pressing at minute?

  48. @ Sheffpixie

    I have a bitch too - Diesel she's 14 on July 5th I had her mum from a pup from the dogs home.

    She is very old now and this I suspect this will be our last summer together. She and I have had great times together and when it's time I will miss her.

    She had a stroke in Feb but has got her self back on her feet and she always walks with Mungo and I.

    I got Mungo when her mum died - the old story about a younger dog giving an added lease of life to an older one is true.

    Diesel could be equally headstrong around the solstice and so could her mum.

    Not quite the bastard that Mungo is though. Castrated he may have been but something got missed!

    To be fair to Mungo he knows who is top dog in the pack - he never pushes her around.

  49. Deano: I’ve read some of it, and it’s OK so far (bit too much of the old split and schism for my liking though).

    Allotment is more pressing, as you say, I was down there till almost eight tonight watering after working all day in the blazing sun, and I’m bloody exhausted.

    Even more pressing now – bath and bed.

    See you all later.

  50. "You're better off with a bitch - more loyal and a lot less frivolous."

    That was well gangsta, respect.

  51. Deano

    I still miss my old girl, although she died 10 years ago. Can't have another one at the moment as I couldn't take a dog to present place of work.

    It's a bugger - walking in the Peak simply isn't the same without her.

  52. Deano

    Mungo sounds like a right little bugger.

    "Bitterweed said...

    "You're better off with a bitch - more loyal and a lot less frivolous."

    That was well gangsta, respect."

    That made me laugh out loud.

  53. @ Montana

    I came across the following comment of yours - which I identified with completely:

    Cadenzas in a curriculum

    montanawildhack's comment 27 Jun 09, 8:57am

    I don't think it's any accident that the UK & US have become obsessed with national curricula and standardised tests to the point of stifling teacher creativity and student interest.

    Forcing such rigid standards and focusing solely on fact regurgitation produce kids with next to no critical thinking skills. Kids with no critical thinking skills grow up to be adults with no critical thinking skills and adults with no critical thinking skills are much easier to govern. They'll vote against their own economic interests because you have told them it'll be best for them. They'll allow you to restrict their civil rights because you've told them it will keep them safe.

    Most of the teachers I know would love to bin the fucking tests and just teach.

    Recommended (27)

    All of my teacher friends would have identified with your point of view thus the recommended should have read at least 27+10 but I can only recommend once! On the other hand most would have said they were already included in the 27!

    For me the master on critical thinking skills has to be Bertrand Russell. I used to have a copy of his principles of a critical/liberal education above my desk but I misplaced it. I still keep trawling the net to find another copy - to no avail he wrote so much that the search engines cant find it!!

    I must say I liked your comment on swearing too - as these young people around here would say LOL stuff or as I would have said "greatly".

  54. I have a hedghog living in the front garden.
    When I'm out there killing slugs, his job, I can hear him in his hut crunching cat food. They're fucking animals.

  55. Stoaty,
    You are a true Natureboy and I salute you.

  56. @ Sheffpix + BB

    The dogs are an important and fun part of my life. We are together 24/7/365. To grow old disgracefully with thoroughly disgraceful dogs has always been a dream of mine.

    The reality of life in a caravan is that in the end its not far from a man living in a kennel with the dogs. It's a delight and I'm now pretty sure the dogs can read my mind and vice versa.

    I can get up and move around in the van 100 times. The 99 I dont think "dog walk" they don't move. The 1 in 100 that I think walk they wake up instantly! It's not just about the rhythm of the clock - I live an unstructured life.

    I haven't worn a watch for more than 10 years. There is no structure beyond ..........that was agreeable ........what shall I do next.

    I sleep when I am tired and I eat when I am hungry and these don't have a precise pattern about them at all.

    I'm very close to my family too. My lifestyle is a choice I don't have to beg with the dogs but I'm sure I would do well if I ever needed to.

    My Diesel dog is a 95% bearded collie - an eye catcher for the public. She's an old biddy now but she can still charm when she wants.

    The great thing about Mungo is that he is morphing. I have since I was 18 always had a full face beard.

    Diesel has a white beard I now have a white beard so feg me he started to grow one when he came to live with us!

    As I guess you know I adore him - he maketh me laugh. Diesel choose him from lots at the dogs home. He came home with us sat down in the van and carried on as though he had always been there.

    All is very well except for those twenty dam days

    Sheff the day will come when you have another I am sure.

    BB I enjoyed the pics my family and I holidayed in the Vendee many times.

  57. Bitterweed,
    Found him on the front path during a cold snap in December. Put him on the scales and found he weighed to little to make it through the winter so I bought a damn great cage and took him in. He lived indoors till early May. Bit of a problem with the smell and noisy eating but he soon got used to it.

  58. I like the one about the 'hog stoaty

  59. colinthestoat
    My tortoise (greek) is at least fifty and tries to hump my foot all the time when its hot.

    On the other hand my girlfriend (when single)used to be menaced by a mental/randy hedgehog that used to bust in throught the cat flap and crawl upstairs and try to get in the sleeping bag with herv every night.

    I kid you not.

    Fucking scaly/spiny rapists, the lot of them.

  60. deano30,
    Thinking of blogging about it. Trouble is now I'm connected I dread seeing his flat little bod in the road.

  61. Bitterweed,
    Didn't have any of that nonsense with Dave.

  62. Stoaty - you could always ask Sheff's advice for a remote location in the Peak in which he could released with a good chance of survival!

    Night all.

  63. deano30,
    Unfortunately he's an urban hedghog, yes it's true they exist.

  64. Stoatman
    Tag the bastard. It's the only way forward mate.

  65. On the Boris / Dave Hill / football blog

    - Mandlebars

    How come London gets a weekly column"

    - To satisfy all the cunts there.

    Oh dear..

  66. Bitterweed,
    Look mate, your girlfriend was unlucky enough to come across one bad apple. They aren't all like that. Besides he might be a girl, I never looked as it was none of my business. Night.

  67. Night stoaty, cheers for the appraisal.

  68. I have an early call so really cant stay but if ever we come across each the other again and have nowt to talk about remind me to tell you the one about:

    Deano and the field mice or how deano became involved in battle to re home 5 field mice - and lost! The bastards kept coming back (from 2 miles away).

    I know urban hedgehogs exist I once had cat that could eat them - it is true. How the fuck it did it I know not but we used to find the spiny skin minus the insides in the cats box.

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