02 June 2009

Daily Chat 02/06/09

The first Siege of Antioch ended on this day in 1098.  No word on if they had to use the Holy Hand Grenade to achieve this.  In 1780, Diomed, a horse owned by Sir Charles Bunbury won the first ever Derby.  And in 1896, Guglielmo Marconi received a patent for the radio.  Celebrating birthdays today:  Norton Juster (author of my favourite children's book, The Phantom Tollbooth), Charlie Watts, Lasse Hallström, Tony Hadley, and Freddy Adu.  Italy celebrates the Festa della Repubblica today.


  1. I used to have Freddy Adu in my Champ Man team (thats probably the most trivial bit of information i have ever shared).

  2. Would it help if I pretended to find that vaguely interesting?

  3. Just a little factoid I've come across with the European elections coming up on Thursday.
    MEP's wages (excluding 'expenses') per annum:

    Italy £125,000
    UK £73,000
    Denamark £62,000
    Bulgaria £10,000

    So a Bulgarian MEP earns less than a call-centre worker, while the Italians earn more than Polly Toynbee. Love it.

  4. Montana - no i think that would just confuse me, its such a hugely dull piece of information that if anyone showed interest i would just reel in shock and disillusionment. What you doing up at this hour anyhow?? Well past your bedtime by my reckoning.

  5. I reckon Montana's sitting up late getting smashed and is planning on taking a sickie tomorrow. Wont you think of the children, Montana?

  6. There's been a few rumblings about Freddie Adu's age. There's a bit of a whispering campaign that he's actually quite a bit older.
    Four sunny days on the trot, you'd think it was summer around here


  7. And now Patricia Hewitt's stepping down at the next election, totally unconnected to the expenses scandal and totally connected to rats jumping like mad off the sinking ship SS New Labour.

    Hoon and Darling should also be sacked. Right now.

  8. This is the worst thing about the whole sorry spectacle, none of them are being fired - they think its enough just to say they are stepping down at the next election, on full pension. They really are unspeakable - there literally arent the words for them.

  9. I'm on summer hols, Jay. The only child I have to deal with from now until 25 August is the one I gave birth to. I'm up because I've been trying to sort out my &#%*&# security software. I'm too cheap (and broke at the moment) to pay for it, so I'd been taking advantage of the 90-day trial for McAfee. That expired a few days ago. It may be wholly unrelated, but Chrome crashed about a dozen times on me yesterday and it had never crashed on me at all before yesterday. So, I downloaded a 90-day trial of MS One live and it's all just taken so long to deal with, that here I am. 3:24 am and wide awake.

    Aren't you sorry you asked?

  10. @Jay:

    Unsurprisingly, David Chaytor's now saying he won't be standing as MP at next election, and will spend the next few months explaining his expenses to his constituents.

    Might need a new guillotine blade and basket for scherfer's infernal MP-decapitating contraption at this rate.

    There IS a word for these cunts, but I won't use it in polite company, obviously. Oh, OK then.


  11. there literally arent the words for them.Yeah -- you call them cunts and mine will be offended.

  12. Dammit - why doesn't this allow for hard returns after html tags?

  13. Swifty, what the hell did I just say? Okay, so we were commenting nearly simultaneously. Just don't do it again.

  14. @MW:

    Now that's a damn good question Montana.

    Why DOESN'T this allow for hard returns after html tags? It's been bothering me for a while now...

  15. @MW:

    Sorry, left my gift of foresight at home this morning, mind you, it's not all it's cracked up to be as a gift, bit of double-edged sword really.

  16. Summer holidays, im very jealous - that must be the best thing about being a teacher, i have even thought about going into teaching myself recently, the slack life of the public sector, the pensions, the holidays, the smugness, i could see myself doing that, i really could. I am too lazy for the private sector.

    "There IS a word for these cunts, but I won't use it in polite company, obviously. Oh, OK then.


    Like it, Swifty.

    You are right though, Montana, to call them c*nts is an insult to decent and law abiding genitalia the world over.

  17. Swifty:

    "There IS a word for these *****, but I won't use it in polite company, obviously. Oh, OK then.


    I think you're on to something here, we need to be redefining our insults according to what's truly offensive, rather than involving innocent body parts, people born out of wedlock, etc. etc.



    very recently ex-American presidents

    anyone got any more?

  18. @Dot:

    A "hoon". That part of the anus which itches on a hot day. A very nasty insult, which is incorrectly thought to be synonymous with a "blears", although technically, a "blears" only affects feline anal glands.

  19. Anyone else fancy a bit of Charlie?


    Check the end of “Little Queenie”

    “Charlie’s good tonight, innee?”

  20. SwiftyBoy
    Hewitt has directoships in Bupa, Boots cinven, (PFI hospital dispensaries) and BT. She is the best example of New Labour using an incredibly privilegd upbrining, then ministerial portfolio - health in her case - to A) part privatise the NHS, and then) B make an enormous personal gain from it, a perfect example of the absolute utter tory bastards who have f@cked labour for a generation. I hope she loses everything.

  21. Hewitt is now officially #15 to stand down. Btterweed, I doubt that Perky Pat will be doing much work next year. She says that standing down has 'nothiing to do with expenses', but rather is 'in order to spend more time with her family'. It never gets tired, that old line, eh?

    And we all believe her, of course.

  22. @BW

    Re. the odious Hewitt, yep, Private Eye has held her firmly in its SUSATs for a good while now.

    Also, I predict there will now be an enormous number of politically-pragmatic young careerists just setting out in their political lives making a beeline for the door of Mr D Cameron. They don't care about the politics, they just want to be associated with success and power.

    Plus ca change, and all that.

  23. SwiftyBoy: I hope you’re right in your prediction.

    Maybe the Labour Party might then be able to start throwing off the abomination of the last dozen or more years.

    It’s about fucking time.

  24. Oh, the old "spending more time with family"! So that's a trans-Atlantic thing, is it? I thought maybe it was just ours who did that.

    Over here, a 'hoon' is usually called a 'cheney', whereas your 'blears' is usually a 'rice' over here.

  25. I am not completely down with this youth lingo Swifty but i was under the impression a "blears" was someone so callous and amoral that they could continue grinning innanely even whilst skinning your first born.

    The Hewitt case just makes me feel ill. These unspeakable scum sell off the nations assets to the highest bidder then go and cash in with the same firms themselves. Why is there no rules saying Ministers and MPs cannot get employment with any firm that they have had dealings with?

    What we let these parasites get away with is just mindblowing. If the public ever turned "french" on these people and dragged them out of parliament and literally tore them to shreds with their bare, proley hands, i would not stop smiling for years, i really wouldnt. There is no brutality so inhuman that i wouldnt enjoy with all my heart in the case of these people.

  26. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8078159.stm

  27. @Jay:

    Re: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8078159.stm

    Were you one of the "don't knows"? :-)

  28. I was undecided for a few moments yes. What shocked me most was the admittedly smallish amounts of people who thought MPs werent at all corrupt and worked mainly for the benefit of their constituents, and told the truth. How anyone could think these people are honest folk free from corruption is just mindblowing.

  29. @Jay:

    Presumably, to get a representative cross-section of society in those polls, there must be at least 100 or so people out of the respondents who directly or indirectly benefit from MPs splashing the cash around? I'm thinking sales assistants in Comet, soft furnishing salesblokes in John Lewis, kitchen fitters from Magnet, ironmongery and plumbing girls from Homebase etc.

    As they might say in the Wire, follow the money trail bunk, follow the money...

  30. I watched two episodes of Wire season 3 last night, brilliant. Still cant believe Stringer and McNulty are english.

  31. @Jay:

    I'm still on series 2 - utterly engrossing. It's one of those programmes where me and MrsSB are sitting there at the end of an episode saying "well, one more episode won't hurt, it's only quarter to midnight etc"...

    Still have the odd quibble about some of the acting, as previously mentioned, but it really doesn't detract from the series as a whole.

  32. Oh dear. Beverley Hughes to step down, due to "family circumstances", nothing to do with expenses. Weird coincidence, though, what with the timing and all.

  33. PS Hughes standing down at next election, so presumably these "family circumstances" are the sort you can plan ahead for?

    That's handy.

  34. Yeah, those “family circumstances” sure are a bitch.

    I’m using “bitch” in its metaphorical, detached from its literal meaning, sense here, Montana. You’re an English teacher, you should know what I’m talking about.

  35. Hey, I ain't correcting nobody's grammar here!

  36. Indeed, P.Eye Swifty, best subscription i took out since New left Review in the 90s ;-)
    - they noted last year that "our Patsy" started out as a conservative, changed sides and in the 80s "became" a 'radical' feminist. As a very piss poor health secretary she helped oversee the $12bn NHS IT fiasco. And all that while she has made a fortune out of her greasy extralegal business contacts, made through ZanuLabour politics. She has now reverted to type: A true blue utter tory b@stard. I really don't like the b1tch.

  37. Hey no spoilers guys - got the last three episodes of the Wire Season 2 backed up on my freeview...
    On the Waterfront...

  38. So...

    That's three Labour MPs standing down at the next election. This is a fairly toxic brew our elected reps are supping these days - voter disgust at expenses, mixed with a good slug of electoral annihilation, means we'll be seeing a good deal more of this in the coming days and weeks.

    @scherfers: how are the numbers on the "beheaded" looking, o Keeper of the Stats?

  39. man with no name02 June, 2009 11:30

    @ mONTANA

    I have found the AVG anti virus software (free version) very good and have had no problems when using it for more than 18 months now. The latest free version is quite a fancy bit of gear

  40. Hughes makes 16 by my reckoning. My prediction was 137, so I've a way to go. However, there's plenty of time.

    A few titbits from today. Shailish Vara (Tory shadow deputy leader) was enterprising enough to claim expenses for before he was even elected as a MP. He then refurbished his 'second home' (owned solely by his wife) courtesy of the taxpayer, and sold it for £150,000 profit. And McNulty's at it again - having repaid thousands of pounds only last week for his dad's house, he's now been rumbled for £2,000 to a tax accountant and £36,000 to the Labour Party for rent.

    You couldn't make it up.

  41. Montana
    Avast is free, and works a treat.

    Also. the Phantom Tollbooth ?! I'd completely forgotten about that ! Excellent ;-)

  42. @ Montana


  43. I'll throw in SDLP's Eddie McGrady for his sheer brass neck and huge balls:

    "The fees office then wrote to Mr McGrady: "I note that you claimed £2,572 in total for food, telephone and telecommunications, laundry and sundries relating to eight overnight stays in hotels in London.
    "We are concerned that your claim may be considered excessive." He did not object and the money was never paid."

    Gotta love that - £300 a day for kebabs, Guinness and clean Y-fronts after he'd already claimed £315 a night for the hotel itself.

  44. I cant wait for thursday elections, just to see the pain piled on the misery of these venal little rodents. What you people voting?

    Swifty - yeah, like 24, its always hard to say no. 1 episode is never enough. I prefer season to 3 to 2 though to be honest.

  45. @BW:

    Wow, the Phantom Tollbooth. I remember watching the film/cartoon when I was a kid. I think I enjoyed it, even though I had absolutely no idea what a tollbooth was. Was the kid called Milo?

  46. Actually, I know McNulty/Dominic West and yes, he's English (Sheffield) and he did go to Eton and he's a really nice chap. I know him cos he impregnated my wife's neice...
    Love the episode in series 2 when he adopts that ridiculous English accent. He was also Julia Roberts' boyfriend in that awful movie "Mona Lisa Smile"
    BTW, there was an interesting discussion about alternative names for the cunt on Cif some time back (I suppose you were the cause, Jay). The problem is that 'cunt' is just about the rudest thing you can call someone which was why it was so appropriate for Blair and the rest of them. What we need is a better, more attractive name for an attractive part of the bod. I like QUIM, me.

  47. @DanP:

    Blimey, you're well connected mate.

    Re. "that word", I think we chaps should take the ladies' advice on that one and let the girls all use various words to describe their genitals, if that's OK with everyone.

    Now *that* would be a first for the internet, eh?

  48. Swifty, I hardly remember a thing except thinking it was great when I was nine or ten (the phantom tolbooth that is).

  49. OK, folks - a little fun guessing game. Who has just said this?

    'Many men, but not ones like bitethehand. Remarkable person: I only wish I had his self-control!'

  50. Sonofagun! I never knew there was a movie of it. Just looked it up on YouTube. Here's part one. It looks like maybe it's all there?

    I just love the way he played with words and the wisdom he was able to put into that wordplay.

    "My, my," the man mumbled. "I know one thing for certain; it's much harder to tell whether you are lost than whether you were lost, for, on many occasions, where you're going is exactly where you are. On the other hand, you often find that where you've been is not at all where you should have gone, and, since it's much more difficult to find your way back from someplace you've never left, I suggest you go there immediately and then decide."

  51. @scherfers:

    Erm... Jay?

    Only joking. Are the winter nights very dark and long and cold where she comes from?

  52. god ultima is not back, surely? Who said this? What thread??? Link!!!

  53. @scherfig -- would this person have a native language other than English? Perhaps one in the Finno-Ugric family?

  54. She's in pre-mod, you know. Her posts keep popping up way late into places they never were before.

  55. I've just reminded myself of Noggin the Nog there.

    "Where the winter nights are very dark and very long and very cold" sounds like something Oliver Postgate might have said.

    I did love Noggin the Nog when I was a child. No doubt I still would.

  56. Pre-mod? I'm shocked!
    It's on the 'can a husband..' thread. And as predicted, bth came back at BB with a load of bollocks.

  57. Montana: it wasn’t my grammar I was concerned with, just thought you might not like my language.

    You’ve already had a go at Swifty for his today. Anyway, you’re officially on vacation until August 25, so put your red pen away ;-)

    scherfig: We don’t need to make it up; they’re doing all that for us.

    At least we’re getting some entertainment value out of these bastards.

    I’d like float a little game here, that I came up with a few hours ago.

    Think of suitable Dantesque punishments for the current Labour Cabinet (include ex-ministers as well, if you like).

    For those of you who haven’t read Inferno recently (if not, why not? it’s a cracker), the idea is that the punishment should be suited to the sin/crime. And, of course, it should potentially go on FOR EVER.

    Just to get the ball rolling, here’s mine for Jacqui Smith:

    Being banged up for 42 days without charge, then released, then being banged up for 42 days without charge, then released, then being banged up for 42 days without charge, then released, then being banged up for 42 days without charge, then released, then being banged up for 42 days without charge, then released, then...

    On your marks, get set, GO!

  58. Sky News is saying Jacqui Smith's going to resign as Home Sec, tho' not as MP.


  59. This government is falling apart at the seams in front of our very eyes.

    Any takers for a 3-1 wager on a reshuffle at the weekend, before Thursday's Euro votes are even counted?

  60. scherfig: “as predicted, BTH came back with a load of bollocks”

    Truly, you have the gift of second sight.

    Any predictions for Thursday’s elections, Oh Great One?

    BTW, do you have them in Denmark around now, too? If you’re originally a Brit (that’s a guess, hope it’s not an offensive one), are you able to play a full role in the political life of your adopted country?

  61. Yeah, I'm sure she's in pre-mod. A comment from her magically appeared where it hadn't been on Charlie's thread just a few up from one of mine.

    Andy, my only objection was the notion that my genitalia are anywhere near as vile as your MPs. (Not that ours are probably any better -- we're just living in blissful ignorance of it here...)

  62. "There's a long long list of brave, honourable, principled people...."

    All virtues entirely absent from BTH himself...

  63. Ah I see. When I was thinking about J Smith earlier, I thought to myself she had been keeping a low profile.

    Now the PA are saying she'd told the PM two months ago she wanted to stand down at the next reshuffle.

    Hence the low profile, obviously.

    There's some fig leaf or other being offered that she wants to devote more time to retaining her marginal seat in Redditch, but I reckon that's utter bollocks.

    She's incompetent and has jumped before she was pushed.

  64. Odious little fuckwit is sucking up to his queen on the 'can a husband' thread right this very minute...

  65. Great stuff. Going to watch that tonight MW !

  66. Totally off-topic, but there are two robins right outside my window that are either mating or fighting -- I honestly can't tell which. Scary as crap, though.

  67. This comment has been removed by the author.

  68. andy, I can vote in the Europeans elections here, but not the national ones. Rather amusingly, two of the top guys here (EU-wise) had a debate scheduled at the university today at 12.00. Only 4 people turned up, so they cancelled it.

  69. @MW:

    "either mating or fighting -- I honestly can't tell which"

    I struggle with that too, sometimes (there, corrected).

    PS I'm a bit new to BTH and Ultima, having previously given both a very wide berth, but the mutual respect they're showing each other over there is interesting, to say the least.

  70. Sorry, Montana, I was only teasing. I fully understand what you’re saying.

    Although I’ll probably never see your genitalia, I’m sure they are far more attractive than David Lammy (he’s my local MP).

  71. ultima may have been in pre-mod, but it looks like she’s out now.

    Either that or she’s getting pretty much instant moderation. Her comments are popping up as they’re being submitted, from what I can see.

  72. Bitterweed on the UKIP thread:

    'UKIP: The party for BNP supporters who shop at M&S'

    Terrific stuff! A triple-insult in a very short sentence. You could ghost-write for Tanya Gold.

  73. I've just broken a pledge but what the hell, it's not like I plan going back anytime soon anyway.

  74. Re ultima 'The virulent chauvinism seems to be in the majority, so the sycophantic ones should be the ones singing in chorus with them!'

    I wonder who she means?

  75. I wonder WHAT she means.

    I know English is not her first language, but that’s just gibberish.

  76. Lammy might actually be a good name for 'em...

  77. Somebody should ghost write for Tanya Gold, she sure as shit can't write for herself.

    'Fess up, Swifty. What'd you do?

  78. Still no response from the mods about my pre mod sentence, i think i have sent them 5 emails now, no response. Is it really so much to ask these people to even respond to repeated emails? The new talk policy seems to me to have been driven by the editorial team and completely ignored by the mod team.

  79. Oh, please miss, I know.

    Swifty just posted a comment to ultima on the husbands and wives thread, miss.

  80. "Maybe if you were a woman you'd understand..."

    You ought to be ashamed.

  81. gratuitousinnuendosays02 June, 2009 14:10

    Is that Lammy or clammy?

  82. That thread is getting to be such a hoot. I love this Gushing Polemic! Anybody seen him/her anywhere else? I don't think I have.

  83. "You could ghost-write for Tanya Gold."

    How about this.

    "I am a great big fat fucking joke."

  84. Don't forget the ex-alcoholic bit BW...

  85. Bitterweed, I like the way you're going with this. Can you extend the 'great big fat fucking joke' meme to society in general? Can you speak for all of us (also the non-fat!) in a convoluted half-arsed sociological sort of way? Can you speak for ME?

    1200 words by tea-time please (and throw in some boyfriend and chocolate stuff). Thx. :0)

  86. @Scherfers/BW:

    And the teensiest bit of self-loathing and insecurity as well, please, that should top it out quite nicely.

  87. Swifty, a tinge of self-loathing and insecurity will shine through anyway, although I'd be inclined to 'keep my powder dry' as it were, in that respect, and use this theme as the hard-hitting focus of next week's article. We'll need bitterweed's thoughts on this, and how this could function artistically. I'm sure he's up to it, and we do need to keep the punters wanting more, as they say in showbiz.

  88. And the teensiest bit of self-loathing and insecurity as well, please, that should top it out quite nicely.

    Especially when balanced with an air of superior contempt for the uneducated proles....

  89. Indeed, doohniboor. This is super stuff - we're brainstorming Tanya Bitterweed's next half dozen articles! But remember, we need to keep it fresh and real. You know what those BTL bastards on Cif are like.

  90. Does My Cheque Look Big in This ?

    Tanya Gold

    Last week I went dating some former horse guards in Cheslea. I rang Imelda for moral support, Imelda who is my AA buddy, confidant and spiritual healer. (obviously her name changed to protect the wicked this is the It girl who once sold crack to a certain Amy Winehouse - I'm right to say here, whose demise we are all responsible for, whatever you say)

    Imelda, like me has got a huge fat arse, but knows how to play the system, having been educated at Roedean (more like Ho-dean, ha ha ha!). We rang Ultima, but she's so off men at the moment. Cant's say I blame them. Why DO they like porn. Not their fault I suppose. But then in a way it's all our fault. Any way, after a few tapas and melon and apple spritzers (I don't drink any more. We are all victims of alcoholism), even the non drinkers. Even dead people) Anyway it turned out these horse guards soon wanted to get down to business had huge cocks on them, crikey they needed holsters, but they weren't interested in me in the slightest, the sexist homo bastards.


    Will this do ?

  91. Shit my boss is back, see youse later

  92. @scherfers:

    Yeah OK, fair point, there's more than enough Tanya to go round, I've just been idly going through some possible topics she could opine with authority on:

    1. Shopping for clothes - what's a big girl to do?
    2. Going for Gold... - where Tanya gets to train in an Olympic discipline of her choice.
    3. It's not easy being Daddy's little princess.
    4. Finding a bloke - an absolute goldmine that, she can shoehorn as much cod psychology into that one as she likes, AND self-loathing etc.

  93. Oo er, look what you've done now, Jay:


    #Just for the record ; I wowed to flag every abusive post from now on the day that Jay Reilly got reinstated. I always keep my word. That is one thing Finns are very particular about.
    It's very trashy to call people names.#

  94. I seem to have had a comment deleted on the 'husband' thread. I wonder who was responsible for that? If anyone can hazard a guess as to how this comment breaches the guidelines, feel free to help. Needless to say, the original comment from ultima to which I responded was not deleted and is still on the thread. Think I'll Email moderation.

    'I havent read all of the thread yet, I must go back to see it. Gosh, it's really worrying that someone like that is in law enforcement.'

    This is particularly impressive - the casual negative judgment of another commenter, and then scuttling off to read what the commenter actually said. Intellectual rigour of the highest standard!.

  95. Email the mods scherf - its deletions like that that make the place a joke. Ultima "flags" countless comments. Whenever she turns up on a thread the deletions always follow close behind.

    Thauma - jesus, quite simply a lunatic.

  96. scherfig: I thought when I first read your comment that it was entirely reasonable, and I think so now.

    I really can’t see what justification there is for it to be deleted, though they don’t actually need to provide you with one, do they?

    Just the fact that you’re in Ally/Jay/BeautifulBurnout/whoever’s today’s bogie man’s gang is enough for ultimatefool to report you, and her word is apparently law.

    She says “jump” and they say “how high?”

    By the way, Montana, you could be missing a great marketing opportunity here – The Untrusted merchandise. I’m sure there would be plenty of takers now that BTH and UT have done such sterling work building our profile. You can’t buy publicity like that.

    Just be careful that they don’t claim part of the proceeds in return for services rendered.

  97. There we go -- UT t-shirts could be my ticket outta here.

    The two of them just do my head in.

  98. Best check with Ally, he wouldnt want any serious competition on the merchandise market. The AllyF FanClub string vests are selling like hot cakes across Europe. You dont think Kiz makes a living out of being a drunken office worker, surely...

  99. Sorry, Montana, I obviously didn’t make myself clear and may now have spawned a monster.

    No one will want to buy an ultimathule t-shirt, well maybe one person (wonder what size BTH wears).

    What I was thinking of was a “The Untrusted” clothing range. If BTH thinks we’re a gang, surely we should have leather jackets or colours or something. I believe it worked well for the Hell’s Angels.

    Fancy yourself as Sonny Barger (was that his name? I think it was)?

  100. Sorry to get back to female genitalia but what REALLY ANNOYS me is that "vagina" is considered the correct term by certain persons for the visible female genitalia which of course it isn't. The vagina is the latin name for the birth canal and obviously not normally visible.
    OK, just thought I'd get that off my chest.

    And as for suitable punishments for erring MPs, I can't really think of anything more suitable than a day or two in the stocks. God, I'd LOVE to pelt Jack Straw (my particular bete noir) with rotten eggs. After that I'd simply boil them in rancid chip oil...

  101. Okay, that was me not being clear/intelligent - UT -- UnTrusted. My bad.

  102. andy, I was a target for ultima long before this place started, and indeed long before BeautifulBurnout joined us here. It's nothing to do with this place. I don't think she even knows the refugees site exists. She's always hated Ally and Jay, and waaay back Dotterel, Jay and I made the mistake of being nice to her. Kizbot tried as well. She's poison.

  103. Blimey, you lot have been busy today!
    Jay - trust me, it's not cushy in the public sector. Especially now that jobs are being lost.

  104. mschin - come now, i have heard stories from public sector friends that would curl the blood, 6 months off with stress (!)... full pay...

  105. OK, scherfig. I’m on your side in this.

    I don’t think your comment should have been deleted, even by the restrictive laws of CiF. I’m sorry if my attempt at levity wasn’t appreciated.

    ultimathule IS poison, I agree, but she’s not the alpha and omega of CiF.

    If you choose to engage with her, she will report you at times, as I’m sure she does others, and you may get deleted. Many of the other posters on that thread can see through her by now.

    Seriously, don’t let it get to you.

  106. Fencewalking to premod02 June, 2009 19:04

    In case anyone's interested, I have peremptorily demanded someone answer for the whole operation of the new talk policy on WDYWTTA. I'm sure it'll have an instant and salutary effect.

  107. Blimey, ultimathule seems to be the most talked about person EVER.
    And, as far as I can recall, I don't think I've ever read a comment by her.
    She gets everyone very excited. What a compliment...

    I hardly bother reading the comments on Cif anymore, anyway.
    The thrill has gone, as BB said...

  108. thanks andy, I know you mean well. But your advice is unnecessary, I've been there before. Though I can't resist a dig at her every now and then, I'd strongly advise anyone else here not to bother with her - it's a waste of time. btw, did you know that Jay used to be her boyfriend? :o)

  109. @Fencewalker -- I just chimed in over there with complete agreement. Maybe I'll be seeing you in the Gulag?

  110. Dan, it's not a compliment, believe me. It's just that she constantly writes the most personally libellous garbage about certain commenters and frequently gets away with it. She's an idiot.

  111. Has anyone seen "the Onion"?
    Someone posted a link on Cif- hilarious...


  112. OK, scherfiq- you mean she doesn't get moderated? Perhaps she's some sort of agent provocateur- a nom de plume for- fuck, forgotten his name- you know, the Cif guy we all love to hate?

  113. Fencenemyoftepeople02 June, 2009 19:19

    Perhaps a GRAUNAG? We could all collectively write a giant Russian bear of a novel while someone calls us lickspittles. The next Q?

  114. Thin ice, Scherf, thin ice...

  115. scherfig: maybe my advice, or my sympathy or whatever is unnecessary, certainly in the sense that you don’t NEED it, that you can obviously deal with all this without andysays chipping in his pearls of wisdom.

    But as I think I may have said before, I think it’s appropriate for us to give each other a bit of friendly support here from time to time.
    That’s all I’m doing (all I’m trying to do), and I’ll probably going on doing it from time to time, even if you don’t need it.

    I DIDN’T know Jay used to be her boyfriend, but it certainly might explain some of the obvious antipathy between them. I’m assuming HE ended it (the bastard), but maybe you know otherwise.

    Anyway, I can’t wait for when they next meet up. That should be a real humdinger.

  116. Jacqui Smith is going! God, I'm so happy...

  117. Dan: No, she does get moderated, allegedly.

    But she’s not an agent provocateur; that would require more intelligence than she seems capable of.

    scherfig is absolutely right, she IS an idiot.

    The only question that remains in MY mind is whether she might, in certain circumstances and on certain occasions, be a useful one...

    I’ve had enough ultimatefool for one night, can we drop her now please?

  118. And what a dreadful photo in The Grauniad!
    She looks like she's got a bun in the oven...

  119. Fencewalker -- you get started writing, okay? Just remember, fuck all ever happens in gulag literature.

    Dan --Matt Seaton is the name you're looking for.

    Andy -- Ultima does not believe in long-term monogamy. She thinks it's unnatural. I'm afraid it was she who ripped poor Jay's heart to shreds.

  120. Yep: The GRAUNIAG Archipelago
    Chapter One
    It was a Dark And Stormy Night, a door slammed, Matt Seaton screamed...
    (with apologies to BOTH Bulwer-Lytton AND Charles M Schulz).

  121. Am I the only one who thinks Charlie Brooker is about as funny as lung cancer?

  122. 'fraid so. Though I have to say his TV reviews were better than the comment pieces. If nothing else, the TV Screen Burn revealed the full enormity of Out Of The Closet to me.

  123. I take your point, andy, Support always welcome (needed or not) and appreciated. You shouldn't take me so literally, my style is a bit 'tongue in cheek'. Doesn't always translate perfectly to the written page, although there are enough cynical fuckers around here to give folk a few clues.

    Jay, thin ice? Please explain.

    Montana, you're ripping Jay's heart up again. How tactless. I'm almost tempted to believe that the Kiwi was a fling, and when he got a new telly out of it, his thoughts immediately turned back to Finland. (Much as Ignatius's thoughts turned constantly to the minx in New York.)

    Dan, maybe this cartoon strip you suggested could be a goer. What did you have in mind?

  124. Dan...you the cartoon man? To my mind the finest comic artist ever was Joe Colquhoun. Beautiful...belonged in a gallery.

  125. scherfig: I agree totally with you about styles etc not always translating well to the written page, especially with people you’ve never met.

    I suspect our little contre temps a while back was partly down to that, and I‘ve been a little wary since, but I’m glad to see we’re over it now.

    No need for a group hug though...

    I’m signing off for the night now; little thing called “real life”.

    Some of you may even have heard of it...

  126. #I’m signing off for the night now; little thing called “real life”.

    Some of you may even have heard of it...#

    That's the one with the talking giraffes and all the singing, right?

  127. Dan, she's afucking retard, but, hey, never mind that, has *anyone* hereread Jonathan Rose's 'The Intellectual Lufe of the Birtish Working Classes'?

    I've been reading it the last two evenings... it's stunning...

  128. Fuck me my typing's bad, sorry, meant:

    "Intellectual Life of the British Working Classes"

  129. Scherfiq:
    Do you mean the political Doonesbury type of comic I suggested for this magazine Phil Hall mentioned?
    Cos if you do then i think we need a team of politically sussed writers which I am not although I'd love to draw it. I'd like to get away from political caricatures, though. Also I'm happily out of touch with the UK political scene living here in Umbria. And I'm too busy to take on another strip which isn't going to pay me anything...
    So, any thoughts?
    Fencewalker- I've never heard of Joe Colquhoun- what did he do?

  130. Dan, I think it's worth discussing, I'd definitely be interested (like your drawings). I don't want to post my Email here, but if you mail montana, you can get my contact from her. (If that's OK montana?)

  131. Dan
    I love Doonesbury. Good luck with that.

  132. scherfiq:
    Easier to email me:
    and that goes for anyone else (no abuse or trolls, please)

  133. Thanks, Dan. I'll email tomorrow.

  134. BW

    Yeah. I found a copy in Oxfam a couple of years back. It's a cracker. Really good read...and well written too. Most of that kinda stuff is either holier than thou, right up itself or given a friggin, postmodern, mindfuckin' prewash and spin.

    Quite inspiring as I recall, specially the notion of the miner or steelworker clocking off from a 12 hour shift and sitting by candlelight into the early hours to get an education and then moving into political activism and occasionally making it to Westminster.

    Then you consider the modern equivalent: precious, middleclass, uberbrat strikes the odd pose in student politics, daddy gets them a researchers job, brown nose their way to a safe seat and then all of a sudden they're 'left-wing' radicals.

    The Ballses and Millibands of this world should all read a copy. They could claim it on expenses. Course, instead of shaming them into doing anything for the working class, they'd simply see themselves as part of a grand tradition of 'struggle'. Fuckin hopped up moisturised turds, the lot of them.

  135. By the way...I was in Oxfam shopping for a new identity.

  136. Bitterweed:
    Shame it was a typo: I thought it was a satire on the 90s BBC.

    He did Charley's War in the Battle in the early 80s. Graphic novely type o' thing rather than 'cartoon' Quite hard to find images..try this:
    Full of character and detail. Brought real life to a sometimes trite script, and formed most of my education on World War I.

  137. Yes but MF, the beauty is, what this book proves is that we've seen all this before. And *somehow*, it's reassuring. The chapter Down and Out in Bloomsbury, espceially, contains some absolute gems about culture, and the "weekend bohemians" of past generations.

    An absolute intellectual gold mine of a book...

  138. BW

    Yep. Always fancied being a weekend bohemian...never made it past the Friday night drunken gobshite stage. Still some people appreciate it, specially down the Kebab shop...although they've banned me from singing. They give me an extra large donner for the price of a regular if I can keep my 'gift' to myself...art for art's sake etc.

  139. Fencewalker:
    yeah, right, see what you mean- old school stuff. They really knew how to draw in those days- they had proper teachers who knew their anatomy. He's very like all those "War Picture Library" books I knew when I was a kid. Most of those artists were Spanish or Italian who had a traditional art school training. Nobody knows how to teach drawing any more.
    Anyway, thanks for that- pity there's not more of his stuff on the site. I don't think I've ever seen any other WW1 strips...

  140. My feckin post just got ate..!
    Try again...
    Oi Reilly I don't drink at the office...
    well except a wee bit on fridays..
    I'm thinkin of selling a new line of 'World's hottest spinster' t.shirts... anyone interested?
    Gotta sell better than the tin hats on the bilderberg threads... no?

  141. My posts get eaten EXCEPT when I copy them- isn't that weird?
    "World's Hottest Spinster" sounds good but might it not lead to trouble?
    I'll take one if the price is right.

    And Bilderberg tin hats sound intriguing. What is all this tin hat stuff, anyway? Don't I need one as a troofer?

    Don't you think that Scottish woman (I'm crap with names) who sings and came second and is now in a 'clinic' is a tragic story for our times?

  142. troofers definitely need a tin hat... and none are more stylish than mine... I have a range of designs with or without antennae..

  143. Dan
    Charley's War's been reissued - unfortunately it's in loads of overpriced volumes, but you can get them on Amazon.
    You're right about War Picture Library; learnt to read with those, I think...and Air Ace and Battler Britton. Never a Roy of the Rovers one, me. They got me interested in history - and drawing. I used to draw comic books like that all the time when I was a kid. Ian Kennedy was another favourite...very distinctive style (of which this isn't a very helpful example, but they're hard to find: http://www.britishcomicart.netfirms.com/kennedy/kennedy_battlerbritt_01.html).
    I occasionally flick through graphic novels and comics and, with a few exceptions, it's surprising how poor some of the artistry (unintentionally) is; I could quite easily match it.

  144. @Fencewalker:

    Did we have the conversation already about Panzer G Man? or was that someone else?

    It's late, I forget so easily these days.

  145. Mustha been someone else. Don't know Panzer G man. Is that the Japanese Panzer Grenadier thing which has nothing to do with what Rankin calls the Hitlerite War?

  146. No, it was my favourite character in Battle Action magazine. Kurt Slinger, ex-Panzer gunner, demoted to the ranks of the Panzer Grenadiers after being accused of cowardice in bad 70s comic book German by his Herr Kommandant Blucher.

    Set on the Russian Front - fantastic stuff, very gritty, sort of Sven Hassel with pictures and no shagging or "fanny holsters" etc.

    Anyway, it's late. Beddy byes for me.

    Schlaf gut, Panzer G Mann.

  147. Hey that rings a bell.
    Here it is:

    I liked that artist too. He used to do the SAS-Force versus Baron Ironblood in not-Argentina stuff (not terribly Grauniady, but fuckit). "Hell's teeth" as they used to say. Thanks for the reminder.

  148. Hilarious dialogue:
    "Mein Gott! He's being roasted over a Georgian fire!"

  149. I have a very vague memory that Carlos Izquierda of 2000AD/Judge Dredd fame drew some of Panzer G Man. Though I may be wrong there.

    Anyway, genug! Ich muss zu Bett, marsch mit Faehnen hoch, raus! raus! (usw usw).

  150. Oh well done. You must have graduaated to Victor. Schlafst ganz gut. Or suchlike.