10 October 2010


From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.
-Edvard Munch


  1. Sorry, I'm a bit late.

    My deepest sympathy to Bitterweed and the family of his friend.

  2. Beautiful, beautiful lily of the valley and some wise consoling words from a Nordic.

    Blessed are the Wiki:

    "...Munch also received his father’s ire for his relationship with Hans Jæger, the local nihilist....."

    That's where I'm going wrong ...where or where is me local nihilist when I need herm?

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Bitterweed.

  4. Am so sorry to hear about your friend, Bitterweed.

  5. Terrible news Bitters - have emailed you

  6. @deano

    Be your own nihilist! It's easy enough, I've found...


    As ever, there's nothing to say except that I feel for you and all concerned.

  7. And thank you for further poppies, deano - some great material there (lilies picture is also beautiful, but probably too complicated for my limited skills. foliage laughs at my efforts).

  8. Sheff - re your question for Hank yesterday - I think I heard on the news that they are looking at the collective / individual limits, but at present I think you're right.

    Thing is, changing it might be a bit complicated - by what constitutes 'a household' - now, married or CP'd couples, fairly easy, but unmarried / CP'd couples - would they get the individual or combined threshold?

    the french system works on the basis of 'declared resident partner' on an annual basis - that could be a goer. But...i think that the (UK) benefits system already pokes its nose in on this kind of thing (not declaring a 'resident partner' being something that can cut benefit). that problem could then extend to this.

  9. I posted my condolence to you BW on yesterdays.

    I think your often read UT in a continuous stream way, but many do not. They should not think me indifferent to your hurt.

    For those caught up/incensed by the latest frictions with waddya I can only add that I think that a great deal of the heat could have been dissipated if folk recognised that business of honest communication requires......

    careful and considering readers, as well as careful and considering writers.

    Many who put effort into the writing put rather less into the reading.......and thinking.

    Too many wannabes with too little to say elbowing around in pursuit of the blue badge for my liking.

    Personally I prefer to read UT than waddya and I like to read it as a continuous/stream of consciousness thread.

    In my book you are for, or are confused and afeared about, freedom of speech. If you are for it you ought to post here on UT, accept the benefits and limitations of the process but above all enjoy it.

    Thank you Montana for persevering and giving us a vehicle for our efforts in the face of the spittle of the fucking nutters.

    BTW gaylurker - I am glad that you are not all alone in the world and that you have the capacity to enjoy the contents of another human being's knickers. I too like the contents of lady's knickers so we have something in commmon.

    If you were to spend a little more time in joyful discourse here on UT you might find some unexpected pleasures in the minds of others too. I do.

    If I have misread your passion from your free choice of moniker please forgive me.

  10. (thauma - if either of your mates is interested in book, list price is £325, I'll take £250 if the rich one is interested. heheheheh. it's really a handbook for lawyers so I'm not sure if it would be helpful for the person actually at the charity - if they needed such indepth stuff they would prob be needing a lawyer anyway, so no point shelling out on the book first...)

  11. Sheff - did you clock PeterJ's link for you on the taxation question? Interesting commentary.

  12. Hello and welcome visitor from Cyprus good to see you again. All are welcome to comment here.

  13. PhilB I especially like the silvery sheen on P6150320.

    Rapeseed in me field next year. Not looking forward to Mungo covered in the yellow ash which drops when the plants mature.

    PeterJ - I'm minded to encourage me mate to complain that Atos failed to properly assess his propensity to nihilism. That is plainly unjust for the innocent decent working people they would have him cast amongst.

    I need Sheff to get some support from the Civil Service unions (it's the Sheffield office that's dealing with the claim)

    It would be good to have the workers protesting outside the Incap Tribunal ...banners with "We are not working with fucking nihilists" ...."Fucking Nihilists disturb your equilibrium and are unwanted on voyage"...."Feggin nihilists are H&S hazard" might be helpful. Can you organise it Sheff?

  14. deano - hehehehe, remember Minty (of blessed memory) getting into a field of rapeseed and looking like a bee when we finally tempted him out of there...

  15. Bitterweed

    I am so sorry, more than words can say.

    Thinking of you. xxx

  16. So sorry to hear about your friend BW she sounds like an awesome woman.

    I hope that you and her husband can comfort each other over her loss.

    Thauma I will email you later this week (once the exam is done) about the November do.

    I hope I will be up to the meet up, this exam stuff has really fucked me up, I was really getting better but apply a little bit of pressure and I am a gibbering fool.

  17. Philippa - have e-mailed friends, will let you know if they want it.

    Jen - good luck with the exams! You'll need a good piss-up after that.

  18. Leni - I may need a minor assistance from your accumulated wealth of experience gleaned as a class act (lady librarian of excellent and distinguished childrens lit). That, coupled with your compassionate expertise in helping folk make bids for grants/funds for the would be self employed.....is what I'm looking to tap into.

    I've reassured me mate that his possible IB toasting should not deter him from thoughts of future self employment. He shopuld prepare himself for the worst. That said I think he would make a fine ghost writer.

    I have offered him first refusal on my intended memoir. The work is in the vein of that Adrian Mole thing and is to be called:

    "..The Secret pubescent diary of deano30 aged 62 and two thirds.. " - a story for young boys of ambition is how I thought we might market it.

    BB Since you deprived your son of red setter, against my advice, can I put you down for an advanced copy?

    You owe your lad, he his never going to write a musical called "How women threw themselves at me 'cos of me pet rat" now is he?. Be honest with yourself the lad will benefit from a copy of me book.

    See Leni with a bit of luck we will be able to tick the box that says have you done any market reserach on your idea? Possibly two boxes if BB gives us an order, we could then tick the advanced orders box with truthful confidence.

    Where do we go to apply for a grant?

  19. Jen Good luck, go gently and I'm sure you'll get there.

  20. jen - hang in there. when are the exams?

  21. jen

    My mate gets so agitated about exams she farts all the way through them!

  22. I only have one exam and it is on Wednesday but the pressure of it has made me realise how tenuous my recovery from a breakdown is.

    I might or might not pass it depending on the questions but to be honest it isn't worth it.

    So many bad behaviours have come back, and I can see it all happening but am powerless to stop them.

  23. Cross-posted there.

    jen - my post seems flippant given your anguish. I was hoping to make you smile. Sorry.

  24. The autumnal mist has lifted and it's now a beautiful day in Yorks so I'm away with Mungo.

    For our undecided lurkers .....my role on UT is to help establish the Pavlovian response and to stimulate the scroll on by finger.

    Loads of folk see my name and just scroll on by without dissent or comment - that's healthy and to be expected. Nobody has to respond to that which they don't like or find stimulating.

    It's not compulsory to engage with nutters on UT. Sensible advocates of free speech always carry ear plugs.

  25. Not a problem Ms Chin and your post did make me smile.

  26. Thanks for the messages, they are appreciated.

  27. Jen "...but to be honest it isn't worth it..."

    Rare for me to disagree with your edge and take on life - but my friend it is worth it.

    Difficult as it is, and I can understand how hard it really is, it's about your future and that we all hope will be better than your past.

    Your a star - hang on in there. (I nearly said young miss but I recalled you said you'd prefer I didn't for you)

  28. Thank you Deano for your kind thoughts.

  29. jen - good, good luck. know a bit about the powerless thing - just recognising that some things might be coming back does make it different this time. and that's the first step (please excuse chirpy AA-style language, have trouble putting it any other way) towards taking a bit of power back - remember, this is not a 'binary' thing, there is a stage, many stages, called 'better'.

    and just signing up for the course and doing the work and caring about it is a positive step.

    good vibes in your direction.

  30. Good article from Robert Fisk in the Indie

    Injustice in three dimensions


    I'm in the PCS if thats any help. Is your friend in Sheffield? Sun's just appearing through the mist here too. Think a walk in the Peak calls.

  31. Thankyou Philippa it does make a difference knowing that I am not the only one.

  32. Very sorry to hear your news, Bitters, hope you're doing ok.

    My offering: youtube's first martyr, reposted by a fellow believer.

    Good luck for the exam Jen, they're really not too bad, just spew out everything you know for 3 hours and you'll do fine.

  33. Jen Think of the post exam bonus - I promise that you really will enjoy the companionship of those who get to thaum's for the next get-together - they are excellent folk.

    You can tell your sister that she has nothing to worry about - you have a secure five star recommendation from a nut that those you are to meet are classy people.

    The number of times I failed exams before I got through is nobody's business. Take some pressure off failure is not the end it's a temporary inconvenience....no more ...I should know, look where exams got me...............said the tramp from a field in lovely Yorkshire.

    When I finally grow up I'm going to.......

  34. jen
    Get amongst it. Good luck !

    Two tunes for a Sunday lunchtime



  35. That is the problem though Deano.

    Passing the exam means nothing to anyone other than me, it has, however, given me a clear example of how I will react to external pressure.

    I don't even know if I will show u

  36. Show up I meant.

    Fecking hell my head is totally gone.

  37. jay - are your exams done or upcoming?

    jen - thing is, the external pressure of an exam is, to a certain extent, chosen, so while it's damn hard, to be sure, it's a sort of power that you've actually had the balls to sign up for it. again apologising for schmaltzy language, but just the process (not the result) could be valuable. try to stay as calm as poss and say 'i know more about this than i don't know' and just do your best.

    (and start with the questions you know most about and time yourself - always my problem, getting carried away on the ones I was confident on and leaving no time at all for the other ones. and bullet points if you are running out time, which have employed more than once as i can't even take my own advice...)

  38. @BW

    I just heard on the radio that we've lost Solomon Burke today. So these are for him and for you.

    Cry to Me

    None of Us are Free

  39. @jen

    You'll get there. Trust me on this.

  40. I read it as show up.

    Show up and if the question is a disagreeable one to which you feel you may not know the answer...pause and fully satisfy yourself that you reall do not know the answer. You may be surprised to find you actually know a lot more than you think you know.

    If on the other hand you reall can't find sufficient answers for the questions posed then have this starter for 10

    Select a question at random and begin an answer as follows:

    "I have a nihilistic tramp of mate who lives in a field Yorkshire who advises that an appropriate answer to this question should begin................."you fucking bastards how dare you ask such an ill considered and misguided question what do you take me for a nutter!..............the question you should have asked is..... and the appropriate answer to that is.........you feggin tossers"

    My friend Jenyou may not pass but your day will not have passed unanswered and your deserved digity will be that little bit more.

    As you can tell I'm fucking useless at advice but I am sincere in sending my best wishes to you.

    Gotta go Mungo has dragged a trouser leg off.

  41. Thanks Deano that is very sweet advice.

  42. BW


    Just thought I'd say that again.

  43. Top Scottish scientists to bring intelligent design to Scottish pupils.

    The Centre for Intelligent Design or C4ID in woeful ‘down with the kids’ text speak is campaigning to promote intelligent design as a scientific theory and not religious. Although the founders claim to be scientific, it is backed by religious fundamentalists.

    C4ID is based in Guernsey for tax purposes entirely compatible with the teachings of the Book of Hypocrisy (between Leviticus and Job) which clearly states in verse 4:19

    And thou shall pay thy way towards the common wealth as the word of the Lord commandeth unless you can fucking get away with it.

    Extract from the news report:

    Its president, Professor Norman Nevin OBE – a geneticist at Queen’s University in Belfast – told a meeting in the city earlier this year he believed Adam was “a real historical person”. He also said: “Genesis chapter 1-11, which indeed many Darwinists and evolutionists say is myth or legend, I believe is historical, and it is cited 107 times in the New Testament, and Jesus refers himself to the early chapters of Genesis at least 25 times.” In these books of the Bible, the universe is created in six days, God makes Eve out of Adam’s rib, and Noah saves the Earth by building an ark.

  44. Bitterweed,

    condolences mate.


    exams- the very best of luck. You won't need luck because you'll bat the exam out the park it but the very best to you all the same.

  45. Mine's on Friday, Pip, not long now. Another week of soul sapping revision then all done.

    I dont know if yours is a 30 or 60 point module Jen but if its a 60 the format isnt too bad, your module was probably broken up into 6 books or so, and for each book there are always two questions to choose from (though check the stuff they sent you to make sure its the same).

    So in reality, if you have to answer say 3 questions, you only have to learn 3 books of the 6 in depth. Since you have a choice of two questions for each book you'll probably find at least 1 of the questions for each book you can do ok.

    Start with the question you find easiest, keep within the time limits, and even if you cant remember a name or date, whatever, still write about the idea in question, or the argument in question, etc. You get plenty of marks for understanding the arguments and themes even if you cant remember the name of the person that put them forward.

  46. Duke. Fuckinell. I had a teacher (in Belfast) by name of Nevin who was a complete religious nutcase and a sadist to boot.

    Wonder if they are related.

  47. thauma,

    I have no doubt he'll be from the fundamentalist presbyterian community.

    In fact, surely having a story printed about him on a Sunday means he's committed a mortal sin?


    best of luck also for Friday.

    Just remember your exam answers can't be modded.....

  48. "Wonder if they are related."

    Course they are, we're all related, pet - Adam and Eve. We're all gods children...

    (though Genesis does warn about "the Turgle, Satans earth walking apprentice", so perhaps not you but the rest of us are related.)

  49. lol, cheers Duke, though the thought of a Graun mod going anywhere near my exam papers is a worrying thought. You'd probably fail instantly for writing a proverbial "his" instead of "his or hers" or having handwriting that betrays a deep routed patriarchal mindset, perhaps one lacking in feminine "curve" and embracing the rigid edges of the masculine oppressive mindset etc...

  50. Duke

    In fact, surely having a story printed about him on a Sunday means he's committed a mortal sin?

    Heh heh, you're probably right. The bastards used to lock up the playgrounds on a Sunday.


    Satans earth walking apprentice

    Like it. Think I'll use it for my e-mail signature.

  51. render unto caesar that which is caesar's, keep what you can offshore safely to yourselves...

    not sure i remember it quite like that.

    their website is .org.uk but of course being CI based they don't have to worry about little things like charity law (although scots charity law is quite tight, having their centre of ops in glasgow could lead to interesting issues - particular;ly as they do in one case refer to themselves as a charity, here which looks like a typo that could cause them a world of hurt...) or company law or reporting standards, or indeed anything much at all.

    but they answer to god, though, so that's ok.

    [bing bong - lightning strike for professor nevin, lightning strike for a professor nevin]

    good luck to jay too!

  52. BW

    Couldn't work out what happened last night but stay strong mate...no justice..never was

  53. BW, condolences, we all know a bit about those events at our age, so feel we know a bit about how you must feel.

    Jen, I am doing an OU course myself, it is just a CPD thingy for work. I took off 3 days last week to read up on things. What I have discovered as my weakness is not reading the bludy question closely enough. Simple when I saw the answer but in my domain when the word 'inspection' comes up it is very different to the meaning of the word 'review' for example. Anyway just my bit to add to all the advice. Be calm, read and read again the question and do the easy ones first.


  54. There are some things I wish the Yanks would keep across the pond Yr Grace. Historically, some of the finest intellects have emanated from Scotland - lets hope there are still enough left to chuck this lot into the inferno where it belongs.

    Jen - good luck with the exam, some good advice up thread.

  55. Philippa - afraid the rich bastard doesn't want the book. I doubt the other charity would have a need / be able to afford it, but I'll keep my toes crossed.

    What a gorgeous day. It's October and I'm sitting out on my back patio in a vest top! Duck in oven, making some very lovely smells now.

  56. And to the person who emailed me...

    I'm as cynical as the next guy when it comes to educational standards in this country but...as a matter of fact, I don't believe for a second you're engaged on a doctoral thesis because

    1) Surely things haven't come to such a pass that (whether or not Leicester University has a media and communication dept), anybody can get on their "doctral programme" when they can't even spell doctoral..or indeed Leicester.

    2) I seriously doubt that a Media degree equips you to diagnose personality disorders from textual analysis, never mind physical stature.

    On this last point your 9 stone estimate is at least 67% short of the mark. Further, I have never made a physical threat against anybody online (plenty IRL, however) nor have I ever entertained fantasies of physically assaulting MartynInEurope...and no I don't think it would make an interesting 'thought experiment'...but, at your suggestion, I tried it..here's how it went: a short-lived episode ending with a blustering Welshman exiting stage left minus a few teeth.

    Nor to my knowledge have I ever called anyone a cunt on CIF (I'm even politer than Jay Reilly FFS)..this idea that I'm 'potty mouthed' and forever making threats is pure projection on your part. However, I take it as a compliment...clearly my posts have a power and resonance which transcend the text...maybe they're poetry since their producing all sorts of wild unexpected connotations and interpretations in the minds of casual readers.

    No..I am not part of an 'orchestrated campaign'. I do not have GIYUS's email address...I'd pass it on if I did..not sure if I've got Atomboy's...think I got an email from scherfig a while back..have Hank's and Bitterweed's..but I can assure you I have never emailed anybody suggesting a coordinated attack on CIF. Then again..I even noticed kizbot's in there...mind you, we only correspond on pies and gravy.


  57. Should clarify that the "rich bastard" is actually not a bastard at all - very nice bloke!

  58. Are you being stalked by an alleged media studies graduate MF? Must be terrifying.

  59. Also...

    I made no secret of the fact I despise the palce..would happily see the place closed down..it's a fuckin affront

    On Expat and Martyn...they had it comin

    Fencewalker..no..I've actually got a lot of time for him...he can at least make a case; I just don't get why he's so keen to defend something with no intrinsic merit...that said..he does so fairly competently.

    Killing Time...I agree..how could I have any knowledge of his financial situation? I've never made a comment on this. I've had the odd sideways swipe along the lines of the fact that I don't find him or his double act with Hermione particularly entertaining but I don't think I've ever said anything personal..and if anybody did..then..it wasn't me.

    Gogolo..never heard of him..nor Damneral

    English Hermit..became aware of him a couple of days ago...since you ask..I think he's a fuckin joke. He seems to have made one or two posts suggesting anyone criticising Waddaya is obsessive and psychologically damaged (he's not unlike yourself in that regard). How the fuck he claims to be a hippie when at the first sign of any bother he resorts to the ravings of a tabloid columnist is beyond me...pathologising the imagined 'enemy' (echoes of Germans bayoneting babies, raping nuns..Iraqis hurling babies from incubators etc) and calling for restrictions on freedom of expression, tighter security etc...stupid twat should be posting at the Sun or News of the World IMO.

    And as for you..I have to say...that was the single most clumsy, artless and cack-handed attempt at 'fishing' for damaging quotes, I've ever seen...thought at first, it might be Martyn but to the guy's credit..he's not that stupid. Please post any reply on here... I actually think it might be quite entertaining.


    1) No..I don't think it's a stupid name..in fact I think it rather apt

    2) But I don't live in the South East and, as a matter of fact..smartcunt...that happens all the time as I spend a considerable amount of time on building sites; up scaffolds and I have yet to be "ripped limb from limb" for my "arrogant, insulting insinuations"..and..you'll just have to take my word for this..I make "arrogant, insulting insinuations" on scaffolding about 150 times a day.

    How the fuck could one person manage to make such a range of fanciful assertions and not even get close?...even a 'stopped clock' etc...

    You're fuckin unbelieveable

  60. "Are you being stalked by an alleged media studies graduate MF? Must be terrifying."

    It was..but I've a feeling it was a one-off

  61. monkeyfish

    ..not sure if I've got Atomboy's...

    No, you would only have an old, disused one.

    Bitterweed now has it, though, as I sent him a note this morning.

    It has to be said, though, that I only tend to have a flurry of email checking about once a month, between which times, I never bother to look.

  62. @bw

    Sympathy, mate. Try and concentrate on the good memories. We all come and go, and all that matters is the lasting good or bad we do and the memories we leave. It sounds like the world's a richer place for your friend's life.

    Hope I don't sound too much like sodding "Desiderata". Take care.

  63. Afternoon all,


    Condolences and best wishes.

  64. no worries, thauma - will keep touting.

    have just cooked birdseye potato waffles (purchased from new hilariously insular 'expat' shop in town) and am disgusted to see there are no longer cooking instructions for frying the things. anti-obesity political correctness gone mad. humph.

    fried them anyway. they disintegrated. crossness.

  65. Jen,

    When I went to uni, I was bricking it before my first exam, mostly because it'd been years since I'd done one.
    It didn't go too badly, and by the third tear, I'd actually sort of grown to like/crave the adrenalin rush (that's what not drinking much will do to you....)



    Oh, the irony.....

  66. Sending as many good vibes your way as I can, BW. Losing a friend is a special kind of pain all of its own, and something you get through but never quite get over. Warmest hugs. xx

    Jen and Jay - of course you've got the exam jitters, but you need to remember how much better equipped you are as rounded human beings that all the spotty 20 year olds sitting the same exams at "traditional" uni. You will bloody ace it, the pair of you, because you are determined and serious about what you do - not just doing it because all your mates are. I have no need to wish you luck because you don't need any. The hard work and dedication you have put in will get you through, no bother. x

    I see our favourite manuphagus is revising history again on the Waddy Want to Talk Bollocks About thread. Tempting to bite back, but ultimately about as constructive as hitting yourself on the knee with a sledgehammer, so I will give it a miss.

    Much chanting will be done for the happiness of all today.

  67. I am politeness personified, my choice of words just occasionally fails to capture the gentleness and warmth of my intent...

    Email sounds interesting though MF, wouldnt mind having a read.

    Also, if anyone wants a snigger, this bloke must really struggle with day to day life, bless him:


  68. brooklynowes to Montana yesterday evening:

    it's all very well you seeking a truce but your site has abused, scapegoated and pilloried CiF posters because you and your colleagues despised what they wrote on a wide range of CiF threads. And when these failed to provide the kind of sport the regulars on UT needed, you've turned on yourselves until you "needed to draw a line under all of it and start acting like an adult again." when the old scapegoats were brought out of the cupboard, dusted down and set upon once more. Until the next time. So I don't think your proposal is going to work because you won't feel you are able to resist starting old battles, as any cursory examination of your site will prove.

    If you host a site where over a period of more than a year, you record many accusations of paedophilia and child abuse against someone you've never met, on the basis of a few posts they made on CiF agreeing with one of The Guardian's mainstream writers that a 26 year old teacher doesn't deserve 15 months in prison for having a loving lesbian relationship with a shortly to become 16 year old student; and if that person's CiF identity becomes known to the authorities, as for instance might happen if their computer was stolen and recovered by the police, you might find that homilies like 'drawing a line under things and starting again' might be a little difficult for the individual concerned who is now subject to the wrath of the angry mob at her or his front door.

    The other day, bitey was saying he couldn't go on UT 'cause the Chinese Internet wouldn't let him. Now, he's apparently an expert. Is he getting reports, perhaps?

    About the teacher: is the "someone" he refers to him? Did he think defending the teacher was a good way of "humping the leg" of CiF feminists, as RapidEddie so neatly put it?

    Well, if he starts drawing poisonous "conclusions" from my posts again, I may draw the "conclusion" that he's an advocate of child sex abuse.

    I suspect that this comment and others will be reported back to him by his only friend, one particular regular poster here. Fine by me.

  69. Cheers BB and Pip, i'm more just excited at finishing the degree than worrying about the exam tbh, so quite looking forward to it really. Revision is painful tho, not like the politics stuff you can skim through in a daze, most of the philosophy is vile and completely impenetrable at the skim level. But nearly over...

  70. Bracken on waddya:

    Apols if some among you have read this before, but it is hilarious.

    It is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a U.S. naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October 1995.

    Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid
    a collision.

    Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North.

    Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
    the South to avoid a collision.

    Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

    Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.


    Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

  71. Comprehensive reply, Monkeyfish!

    No. 2 child departed at silly o' clock this morning for 3-week school building programme in Madagascar: with no. 1 child away at uni, it's going to be extremely quiet here for a bit. Hope he managed to negotiate the replacement bus service between Gare du Nord & Charles de Gaulle... his French is of a pretty minus quantity... Worry? Me? God no...

    Best wishes to anyone with imminent exams, btw.

  72. False


    Includes US navy denial.

  73. Shaz

    I am amazed at how calm you are. I get the heebie-jeebies if my lad is going out to Crawley for the day, ffs!

  74. @shaz

    Is the RER direct link from Gare du Nord to Roissy CDG not running?

  75. Aw Turm

    Shame it isn't true, cos it is bloody funny. Ah well.

  76. Don't be a prick, Spike. Or if you are going to be, grow the balls that go with it and name me in your petty merry-go-round of charge and counter charge.

  77. Apparently not, Spike -

    En raison de travaux d'aménagement des voies, la circulation des trains est modifiée sur la ligne B du RER tous les week-ends du 11 et 12 septembre au 9 et 10 octobre 2010 et le week-end de 6 et 7 novembre 2010.
    Aucun train ne dessert les gares de Sevran-Beaudottes, Villepinte, Parc des Expositions et les 2 gares de l'Aéroport Charles-de-Gaulle. La desserte des gares de Sevran-Beaudottes, Villepinte et Parc des expositions est effectuée par un service de bus entre Aulnay et Aéroport Charles-de-Gaulle 1. Pour se rendre à l'Aéroport Charles-de-Gaulle 2 TGV, nos clients sont invités à emprunter un train a destination de Mitry Claye où un service de bus directs à destination de l'Aéroport Charles-de-Gaulle 1 est assuré.

    BB - calm? It's as well you can't see me! :o)

  78. i don't care if the lighthouse story isn't true, it's bloody funny.

  79. It's a bit like the apoc... apocry....not entirely true story about the respective space programmes of the US and USSR.

    NASA spent years and millions developing a pen that would work in zero gravity etc.
    The Soviets, after about five minutes discussing it said, 'let's just use a pencil, innit!'.

  80. Loved it Jay/Braken - my sort of humour.

  81. @shaz

    Ah well, shouldn't be too hard to get to Roissy. You just follow the people with the suitcases.

  82. I used to have a print-off, allegedly from the official website of a particular US arms manufacturer, which was put up by an aggrieved sack-ee. it was one of those 'customer satisfaction surveys' that pop up when you buy something online, featuring such delights as:

    Q) How did you learn of our products?
    a) recommendation from business contact
    b) web search
    c) best-buy column (please state publication)
    d) heard loud noise, looked up.

    Q) How will you be paying for your purchase?
    a) credit card
    b) visa debit
    c) swap deal for US military personnel
    d) suitcases of cocaine

    etc etc.

    must see if I can dig out the full thing, made i larf...

  83. shaz - france will also be shut on tuesday, i believe, for a general strike. take it he is moving on before then, but just in case...

  84. Afternoon all

    I don't care if PB,s story isn,t true cos it made me laugh.And more worryingly it's believable.

    Hope you're feeling a bit better today Bitterweed.

    And good luck with the exams Jen and Jay.

    Right it's a beautiful day and i'm gonna enjoy doing that wonderful thing called SWEET FA.

    Enjoy the rest of your day everyone.

  85. Frm www.funnyandjokes.com

    Embarrassing Medical Exams (Submitted By Doctors)

    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
    One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
    I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
    A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her babyin the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive.'

  86. Sweet FA indeed - I am feeling a bit guilty though cos I should be doing some work, but this throat/chest thing is really taking it out of me so sod it. Lazy Sunday Afternoons

  87. Flowers from the Cuckoo's Nest for all the fine ladies of UT

    Hope they help add cheer to your day Jen and too all your fine sisters who blog here too...

  88. The lighthouse story is (as pointed out) apocryphal, but brilliant nonetheless.

    Fuck worshipping gods. I worship roast duck. Blissed out now. Kip coming on.

  89. Philippa - thanks for the heads-up - his flight to Antananarivo leaves CDG at 4.15 today, so he should be well out of it by Tues.

  90. Hello everyone; has anyone seen the film "Exterminating Angel" by Luis Bunuel.
    It's just that "wadya" reminded me of it!

  91. I'd heard the ship/lighthouse story before - shame it's not trus 'cos it's very funny.

    Have Exterminating Angel here chekhov - It came with a newspaper I think but haven't watched it for ages. Might this evening since you've reminded me I've got it. Do you imagine waddya folk sitting on lavs round the dinner table too?

  92. I dunno why ... on a sleepy Sunday afternoon ... but I've just had a strong urge to listen to this.

  93. no less funny 'cos it's not true

  94. Right - was going for a kip - but the dog wants a walk and I think she is right.

    Better Sunday afternoon choon.

  95. Thanks again for the messages people. Just taken the old boy out for lunch and left him in our local with some fine people. I dare say he'll be seeking oblivion again. And why wouldn't you ? His missus was a star. I'll shut up about it and stop making a fool of myself now, but suffice to say we all feel very, very robbed.

  96. BW - a friend of mine was killed in a motorbike accident week before last - we still feel robbed and I should think will continue to do so for some time - you're not making a fool of yourself x

  97. Leni/Montana - looks like we failed to secure an advance order for the forthcoming memoir. These things happen, but I'm not too downhearted. It could still be a runner as a tax avoidance measure for me mate the likely failed IB claimant

    Not to worry we can still say we have incurred costs to be set against tax.

    I have decided to talk to Sheff and ask her if she will accept appointment as publicity photographer and Montana will be approached about being US agent (since she too has library experience).

    Sheff will be contracted to photograph me at the book signing where I will be pictured autographing a personal copy for Joe Wildhack. I feel my book should help a young American man understand the dreadful pressures of growing up in the North of England. It may help the fine youngster see things from an Anglo perspective and help overcome the handicap/stigma of his mothers relationships with alcoholic drinks.

    When Jen has completed her exam I may approach her about a part in my forthcoming film it will always look good on her CV in due course...

    (must stop arsing around and get on with some work I'm off to check me Euro lottery tickets....laters)

  98. Thanks shaz, my sincere condolences to you too.

    I'm off to watch a western. Here's a great tune from a great movie.


  99. @deano

    It's not you that's won the £130m prize, by any chance? If so, we'll expect you to get a round in. ;-)

  100. Funny as FUCK


  101. BW - sudden or unexpected/unprepared for death is always hard. And I'm sure you and your mate will get some strength for your friendship with each other. I hope so.

    Sadly it can take some time. My brother in law went to bed to join his wife an hour or so after she, my much loved younger sister, had died unexpectedly in their bed. It took a long time for him/us to recover from the shock.

    Unexpected quick deaths are a blessed release for those who have them, but shit for the family and friends left behind.

    No time to say goodbye is an awful lament.

    Best W comrade.

  102. "It's not you that's won the £130m prize, by any chance?

    I know not comrade Spike but if I've got it right the odds are several hundred million against.

    Mind you there was once about 10+ years ago an unclaimed £10m+ ticket sold from a shop I used to buy my tickets from. My kids always claim they will be left impoverished in life 'cos I probably bought the ticket but lost it when I was on the piss.

  103. I liked Peter Bracken's story..but he must have known it was bollocks...everything's bollocks..all history..all science...It's all bollocks

    Reality is an illusion created by not getting all your information from the internet..only this morning I discovered I'm really a highly frustrated, borderline sociopathic 9stone inadequate 'probably working in a call-centre in Woking or thereabouts'.

    I wish someone had told me...helluva drive to work tomorrow

  104. and I'm often a bit abrasive on the phone

  105. If I have won you may safely count on invite to the piss up in a field to end all piss ups in a field.

    I proudly say that winning the lottery will make no difference to my life at all - I intend to go on being a retired tramp with attitude.

    It might make a difference to me mate - we'll turn up at the IB appeal mob handed - half dozen QC's to carry us pencils - fuck the bastards.

    We'll also have BW and his mates playing in the street as we process to the encounter, through banner ridden streets with the fucking cops on horses holding the hoards of cheering fans back...... And tickets for the showdown changing hands for a fortune...double Fuck the bastards.

    I really must get on with some research on his case...

  106. Monkeyfish 9st comrade - putting on weight?

  107. am just listening to some old football weekly podcasts (september 2009 - yes, it is boring being ill) and heyhabib got a mention! hehehehehehhe.

    (joke about bullfighting and the england team)

    so well done for that.

  108. deano
    "Unexpected quick deaths are a blessed release for those who have them, but shit for the family and friends left behind."
    god yes. suppose the best thing is to make sure your loved ones always know you love 'em.
    (hooks up the skype to call APs...)

  109. Just Fucking Brilliant

    Fucking loved it Fish I couldn't read the article I pissed mesen as soon as I read the headline.....

  110. PhilB - you bet young miss.

    I've mostly been lucky and had intuitions that my loved ones were about to depart. (With the exception of my lovely younger sister.)

    I had a call from the inside of my head when me mum was about to die in hospital (unexpectedly)I dashed down there and was allowed in at 1am I was holding mam's hand as she went about 10 minutes after I arrived.

    When my older sister died last year I had a sudden call from inside my head to go to Leeds to see her. She quite unexpectedly died in hospital a few hours after I left and she had hugged me with a special love as left.

    Last time I saw me best man, a couple of years ago nothing was said, but he was ill and we both shed a tear as we parted for we knew we'd never enjoy the comradeship of each the other again. He died about six weeks later.

    I will miss all of these folk for tyhe rest of my life. They were all fine people and they continue to 'sit on my shoulder' and comfort me in dark times, so compared to many I have nothing to complain about when it comes to the death department really.

    Those nice blue flowers might make a nice painting when you've finsihed the poppies - enlarge the photo a bit they have those delicious hairs on their stalks.

  111. beautifully put

    (and i like the blue flowers a lot! - they look like they're talking to each other...)

  112. Chair the Equality Commission (Phillips) reported as saying:

    "...Money cannot always buy people fairness, he will add, giving the example of a billionaire in a wheelchair who cannot get into a restaurant because there is no ramp...."

    True but the bastard could buy the restaurant and install a ramp for the benefit of all other disabled folk. My heart do not bleed for the tosser nor my respect for Phillips grow.

  113. If anyone has the "Discovery" channel, check it out now. Crazy stuff you can do with gaffer tape!

  114. Philippa - thanks for the heads-up - his flight to Antananarivo leaves CDG at 4.15 today, so he should be well out of it by Tues.

    Knew I should have kept quiet. According to the CDG flight status page, it hasn't even landed yet, let alone taken off again - wish I hadn't checked...

  115. Monkeyfish 9st comrade - putting on weight?

    I'm saying nothing...

  116. MF

    Can we have some edited highlights from that email...sounds very entertaining.

  117. "....(Andy) Burnham spoke specifically of the way that young people from deprived backgrounds are frozen out of top jobs because they are not well enough connected, or rich enough, to accept unpaid internships – a culture that has spread from the media to every part of the workplace..."

    Too bloody true. The well connected always create devices to try to sidestep the spirit and the letter of the law if it does not advantage their kids..........yet they cry loud and bitterly when they finally realise that the Romanov solution had to include the children of the Czar.

    The free market nonsense that Braken advocates is all too likely to end in tears for the kids of the well placed but stupid parents. Paris Hilton & Co are for example a fine advert for all that is wrong with unbridled capitalism and its advocacy of inheritable wealth.

    Braken's alleged 'innovation' of today's free market is so plainly tomorrow's indolence of the idle and ignorant rich - fuck em.

    There is no virtue in turning a blind eye to an unstable society and then crying crocodile tears later.

  118. This comment has been removed by the author.

  119. 9 st is very fine fighting weight Sheff

    I fucking wish I could get a bit nearer to it.

  120. Chekhov - what's Discovery on? Sky or freesat?

    "Crazy stuff you can do with gaffer tape! " Sounds interesting.

    If it had been Crazy stuff you can do to Paris Hilton and her mates with gaffer tape I'd have rushed out and bought the DVD....

    Right enough of this blogging whilst note taking must get some cooking done and then....

    so laters all.

  121. "MF

    Can we have some edited highlights from that email...sounds very entertaining."


  122. Chekhov - what's Discovery on? Sky or freesat?
    Hello Deano: dunno about Sky or freesat. I've got a telephone tv and broadband package with Virgin Media. Most of the tv is crap but there is usually summat worth watching on the Discovery channel and there is another one called "Quest" which is quite good.
    We used to get National Geographic which was excellent but I think you must have to subscribe to that separately now.

    Oh, and Film 4 (not as good since it started lobbing its stuff out for free but still worth looking up in the tv guide)

  123. Leni

    Just thought i'd warn you that in his latest outpouring Glover has stated that 25% of Welsh people are illiterate.If you want i'll hold him while you knock him out.

  124. Evening all.

    Thread alert - Alice Maynard.

    Post of the decade from ArecBairin @ 8.16pm, to LoveLondon:

    'Is there anything wrong with checking whether people on Disability Living Allowance are Disabled?'

    I am Autistic. I was born Autistic. I will die Autistic. I am a 'lifetime' claimant of Disability Living Allowance. I have been assessed twice for it despite this and apparently I'm going to be assessed again, every three years or so. Every three years I will still be Autistic.

    A person with no legs is going to stay that way for a very long time. A person that is blind will not spontaneously recover sight. Limbs don't grow back, retroviruses are forever, brains are not 100% re-programmable and if checking your palms for hair makes you insane then what does checking all this other stuff make you?

    The idiot brigade doesn't distinguish between different kinds of disability, kinds that vary, kinds that stay the same and kinds that can eventually improve. The fact that they hardly ever show any recognition of this reveals their motive: they only care about the money. I would gladly give up the benefits I receive if such people disappeared off the face of the Earth, because then I wouldn't need the benefits: they're my only problem.

  125. Well at least some journalists are having a pop at interpreting what this "Big Society" really means.


    When David Cameron says, "we are all in this together" there are plenty of people who could be forgiven for thinking that he is not talking to them but to all those in Westminster who are prepared sell their constituents down the river and sign up to the new (us and them)world order.

  126. MsChin - I love Arec. And his big stompy robots.

    The article refuting the stupid one he was responding to should be written by Archbishop Rowan Williams.

  127. MsC

    There are some really unpleasant fruit loops on that thread. ArecBalrin is a great poster though!

  128. (Should add that I haven't read said article - perhaps only the comments are stupid.)

    Still feeling sentimental.

  129. Chin - tried to support don't know how long it will last. I modified me language about Blunket the vile little two faced Tory shagging tratiorous creep.....

    "Fine article Alice - thank you for putting the case so eloquently.

    The problem is that the ignorant tossers who attack the weak are themselves feeble minded and can't think complex multi variable problems through to a reasoned conclusion.

    It is careless thinking to conclude that because the unfortunate (but nontheless disagreeable) blind man David Blunkett can work ,that it follows that all the totally blind can work. What the ignorant Mail ranters fail to take into account is the level of support given to Blunkett.

    There are many, many blind and other disabled people who would be delighted to work if they only they were given a tiny fraction of the assistance that the unpleasant Sec Of State Blunkett was given.

    The nation should understand that the fecal incontinent can work. The Nazis demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that people sitting in shit can be forced to work. This vile nonsense was latched on to by the turds in Nu-labour and is simply being accelerated by the current shower of shits.

    Most Disabled people want to work - it gives them what it gives to others dignity and independence.

    I wish a plague of the shits on all those who advocate or support the vile and cruel hounding of the week and disabled in order to save the rich and the banksters from paying fair taxes.

    The things I do for you Chin I even had to correct me spelling of week to weak.


  130. Cheers, deano!

    Much appreciated.


  131. The things I do for you Chin

    MsChin is well worth any effort.

    Meanwhile YouTube suggests this one.

    Hm. I think someone once told me it described me perfectly.

  132. This comment has been removed by the author.

  133. Silly clothes, heh! Very amusing.

  134. Nice one, Shaz, haven't heard that before.

    Here's one for my mates on here - that's most of you. The meet-ups just reinforce the idea that there are a lot of very decent people hanging out here.

  135. I'm not complacent though but it's looking promising for Montana's team.....

  136. Here's a lullaby for those (like me) who are off to bed: it's just the motion.

    NN all, sweet dreams.

  137. Enjoyed those thauma If we are into sentimental.....

    Since I mentioned my late and much lamented best man above I thought I'd have this: miss you my dear friend Steve which was played at his wedding and his wake.

    Tambourine man was playing all the weekend he met his first wife at RH Bay and later all the week I was on their honeymoon/piss-up at Robin Hoods Bay too. In those times it seemed natural that as best man I should be on the honeymoon as well as .principal cheerleader on his stag do.

    He too died young only 61ish he never had kids and was always a very popular man. You couldn't get in the Crem when we came to toast the bugger and there were about 200 folk in the pub afterwards. He really was excellent company and a fine comrade.

    Bless the tosser I shall miss him evermore

  138. Here's to friends we have lost, deano. It was a pleasure to share their journey while they were with us.

    And NN from me.

  139. Just been over on the Alice Macdonald thread. bloody MAM...trotting out his usual pile of shite. And as for that Happhazard freak....

    I think I'll go to bed with Anita Rau Badami (The Hero's Walk), she'll calm me down.

  140. I don't think THIS SONG is sentimental but since i first heard it has been a song that has made me think of people and places from my past for reasons i can't fathom.For when i was younger i had no idea this song existed.

  141. I've no doubt this isn't the first article to suggest that we are all pissing in the wind and that the www hasn't delivered on its promise of globalising democracy.
    On the contrary, it seems to have factionalised us as never before with splinter groups proliferating exponentionally and let's face it, this is one of them!
    Anyway make your own minds up, here's the link:


  142. Hi chekhov/deano

    The Boho Dance

    Thanks for your link chekhov.I'll read it later.

  143. Too tired to think tonight - so here's another lullaby. May I?

  144. BTW: todays date is 10/10/10 Don't really know why I felt the need to say it because I'm not superstitious but I'm interested in people who are!
    Does today have any significance in the grand scheme of things?

    Paul: great stuff from Joni Mitchell. If it weren't for her politics she would have been up there in the mainstream with Karen Carpenter.
    Not that I know much about her career but from what I can gather she didn't "sell out"

  145. "I wish a plague of the shits on all those who advocate or support the vile and cruel hounding of the weak and disabled in order to save the rich and the banksters from paying fair taxes."

    Bears repeating Deano and well worth the effort for correcting your spelling mistake!

  146. @Leni/Moonwave

    Have heard of another nasty ploy the DWP and ATOS are subjecting the sick and disabled too.Apparently some people who successfully appeal against the decision to deny them ESA are then called in soon after for another ATOS medical.So someone can fail their ATOS medical,spend months getting nothing whilst waiting for their appeal,win their appeal and get their benefits reinstated and backdated but then soon after receive another summons from ATOS and the whole procedure starts again.You can imagine the added stress this game of cat and mouse has on claimants especially those with MH conditions.Makes me so angry .What the fuck has this country come too?

  147. @Paul:I've said this before but I wonder why we went to all the trouble of going to war to defeat the forces of facsism only to adopt them at a later date!
    Did I miss something?

  148. @chekhov

    It may be coincidental but the generation that lived through WW2 is dying out now and the agenda is being set by the post war baby boomers who are now edging towards retirement and the baby bust generation which followed them who are currently flexing their muscles.And bit by bit the post war ideals of the 'common good' set by the generation that lived through WW2 are being dismantled.And what we seem to be heading towards is a neo-Victorian model of society with all the built in double standards and hypocrisy that entails.

  149. This comment has been removed by the author.