27 October 2009

Daily Chat 27/10/09

The Saracens invaded Sardinia in 710.  Amsterdam was founded in 1275.  Philadelphia was founded in 1682.  The British government deregulated financial markets in 1986 and in 1999, gunmen stormed the Armenian Parliament, killing Prime Minister Vazgen Sargsyan and seven others.

Born today:  Erasmus (1466-1536), James Cook (1728-1779), Niccolo Paganini (1782-1840), Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), Oliver Tambo (1917-1993), Roy Lichtenstein (1923-1997), Sylvia Plath (1932-1963), John Cleese (1939), Lula daSilva (1945), Roberto Benigni (1952), Peter Firth (1953), Glenn Hoddle (1957), Simon leBon (1958), Scott Weiland (1967), Kelly Osborne (1984) and my nephew Eric (1988).

It is Independence Day in Turkmenistan.


  1. I could have used this in today's post, you know.

    Or this. (No, really. Don't let the first one scare you off. Different birthday boy.)

    Another birthday boy when he was much younger.

  2. Happy Birthday 'nephew' Eric.

    Dylan Thomas allegedly died of an insult to the brain...

  3. I think there is a mad chicken breeder on the loose in East Yorkshire.

    A few days ago I stopped at a roadside stall and bought half a dozen large free range eggs for £1. Great value I thought so I put me quid in a box and helped myself.

    I've just had the last two for breakfast - astonishingly all six eggs turned out to be double yolked.

    I haven't come across a double yolked egg for donkeys years and then six one after another?? Freakish or what..

  4. Andysays come back all is forgiven - your new self discipline is wearing thin now.

    Let's see if we can tempt you with the famous Dylan Thomas semordnilaps from Under Milkwood - Llareggub...

    For anyone who never heard it may I recommend the Richard Burton recording of Under Milkwood. A fine entertainment for an autumn or winter evening, with mulled wine or a large wet or two of Whiskey - bliss, I love the absurdity and delight of milkwood

  5. ps. BBC Radio Collection recording of Under Milkwood (think Burton narrates??) available on Amazon for around £8 great Xmas gift.

    I've just bought myself one!!!

    Well my old LP's were about worn out anyway and I don't have a record player in the van - so its not really an indulgence. That said it could be a post hoc rationalization brought on by the thought of a warm winters evening...

  6. Montana - I had noticed that Eric is 21 today.

  7. 1.37 and nobody out to play - was it something I said...

  8. 'ight deano - have been good today and actually done some work. Although have now been distracted by the dinner party thread, so will probably get damn-all done the rest of the day.

    farming friend thinks that factory farming brings down the incidence of the double yolker, due to pressure on the hens. I have been known to cheat and just put an extra yolk onn when frying eggs, to get more goo to dunk the chips in.

    hmm. hungry now.

  9. Hi Deano!

    I'm fascinated by Tanya Gold's Michael Jackson article. It would seem that Michael Jackson fans (apparently there's something called the 'Michael Jackson Truth Army') have a better internet megaphone operation than the Israelis. They also have the writing skills of your average 10-year-old YouTube commenter. LOL!!1!

  10. For a bit of light relief, Jessica Reed's posted an Asterix 50th Anniversary thread

    Seems WDYWTTA ideas are occasionally taken up.

  11. oh deary me yes on the TG / MJ thing. interesting that the person clearly wanting the handle 'michael is king' has been somewhat flummoxed by poor typing skills and the lacking of spacing available...

  12. Phil - I tells ya, these people are loonier than Troofers. Caps lock keys are wearing out.

  13. Thank God somebody came out to play - I was just about to post on the following obscure site from 2002 - see what you have saved me from:

    27th September 2002, 11:51
    Was at the gym today and German MTV was on the TV screen thingies. In and amongst the various videos broadcast was one by Celine Dion in which our heroine was dressed in a slinky dress that was being blown by a wind machine causing it to ripple over her body.

    The question is why? Celine has a face that is simply not in the least bit attractive so why bother going the whole hog and try and look sexy? Sure, she has the voice of a nightingale but she has a face like a yak's backside.

    Meanwhile, Mick Jagger has shagged more beautiful women than I've had hot dinners yet according to Mrs BALIX he is one of the ugliest people on the planet.

    Any other famous people who think they are good looking but aren't?"

    Thank you friends and comrades I almost lost there.

  14. Ew, am staying away from the Uganda thread, I think this one could get nasty....

  15. ooh, thauma - one's bucking the trend and just bolding everything and anything in sight...

  16. Sheff (3) - and all my other female friends and comrades on here on UT I need a little advice.

    I’ve just got back from the vets. And I don’t want to be overly swayed by professional advice, as you know that’s not the Yorkshire way. However, truth be known I did take a view from the dog nurse and receptionist as well and she wasn’t too impressed either.

    I am sure that Scherfig approached the task with good intentions – but when I showed the vet a print out of the following:

    The Scherfig Bench

    There was a sharp intake of breath. I did explain that comrade Scherfig had been living in Denmark for some time now and that perhaps, just perhaps, he hadn’t fully grasped the importance of the bench for the future of art house cinema.

    Veterinary got it at once. He pointed at the picture of Scherfig bench and said “that ain’t a Victorian bench”. I conceded but I also pointed out that there is no evidence to suggest that Furnivall didn’t spend part of his fortune on summer training camps on the Nile.

    I personally think it would be difficult to light. And there is a suspicion that Furnivall trying to instruct a Sheffield lass like yourself on such a bench on the finer points of rowing would have a certainty incongruity about it.

    I think the clincher may be the veterinary’s parting words “ .. get that bench and you’ll have Mungo in therapy – he’ll spend half his life trying to shag it”. I think he could be right but I’ll take your, and all the other crew members, views into account before I reach a final decision.

    What do you think??

    Stopped raining time for a quick dash with dogs....

  17. deano

    Three of the tails are definitely 'up' - possibly suggesting invitation to Mungo. So i tend to agree with the vet - it would be exhausting for the poor old thing to go through all that unsatisfactory and fruitless effort.

    As to furnivall - I don't think he'd have been seen dead on a bench like that.

    By the way - have you seen that piece about AA Gill shooting a baboon dead? Apparantly he:

    shot the ape to see what its like to kill a human and for him it was just a bit of naughty fun

    What a total arsehole.

  18. Yea I saw it earlier today - sadly it wasn't a comment piece. Absolute tosser and shit.

    As Chief designer of suitable treatments and tortures my mind turned to the problem at once...

    I haven't finalized it yet but the story so far does involve giving Milne a five minute start from the baboons all of, except Milne, which are armed with AK's...

    Milne gets AA cards and copies of last years unsold restaurant guides to defend himself with.

  19. After a bit of nagging I finally got the following email from OFSTED re the childminding fiasco

    Please note that the laws regarding childminding and the definition of reward are not set by Ofsted, but by the Department for Children, Schools and Families. Ofsted is the Office for Standards in Education, Children's Services and Skills in England and our role is to inspect schools/children's services and adult learning facilities and report on the findings. We do not have the power to set laws; we are there to implement those laws set by Parliament that are already there in existence.

    The law sets out that childminding requires registration where a person cares for one or more children for reward and at least one child attends for more than two hours in any one day. Reward is not just a case of money changing hands. The supply of services or goods and in some circumstances reciprocal arrangements can also constitute reward.

    So anyone looking after a child for up to two hours a day does not have to register. If someone looked after a child for, say, an hour in the mornings and an hour and a half after school then registration would be required as the total period of childcare in that day was more than two hours.

    We are looking again with the Department of Children, Schools and Families, the government department responsible for the law relating to childminding at the definition of reward to see if there is any scope for change.

    Generally mums who look after each other's children on an ad hoc basis are not providing childminding for which registration is required, as there are other exemptions that apply to them, for example because the care is for less than two hours, or that they look after each other's children in the children's own home. Where such arrangements are regular and for longer periods then registration is usually required as the 'reward' is free childcare.

    Relatives of children, such as grandparents, do not have to register with Ofsted to provide childcare as the law specifically excludes them.

    Close relatives do not have to be registered to look after children. A close relative is someone like a grandparent, brother, sister, aunt or uncle.

    Care which takes place in the home of the child does not require registration, although childcarers who provide this type of care may choose to register with Ofsted if they wish to do so.

    Arrangements for children to play at each others' houses or have a sleepover does not require registration. Nor does transporting children to and from school.

    For further information regarding when registration is not required, please see link below, which will take you to an Ofsted factsheet entitled 'Registration not required':


    If you would also like to raise your concerns regarding the law with the correct Governmental department, please see the following contact details:

    The Department for Children, Schools and Families

    Webpage: www.dcsf.gov.uk
    Telephone: 0870 000 2288

    I hope this has been of help to you; however should you require any further help or assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us.


    Christian Lofthouse
    Customer Service Advisor
    Ofsted - National Business Unit
    TEL: 08456 404040

  20. It's a somewhat radical concept, I know, But I was sort of thinking that the bench would be for deano to sit on rather then for Mungo to fuck. However, we don't want any psychological damage to result from this, so sincerest apologies. Perhaps a Swedish hand-crafted copy of Napoleon's bench on St Helena would be more appropriate?

    Napoleon's bench

  21. That is one nice bench Scherfig.

    I can't see any possible damage to man nor beast from any conceivable angle, as with the unfortunate gentleman from Honk Kong and his stuck member.

    In any event should it all go unexpectedly wrong and a visit to Accident & Emergency become necessary one could well imagine it winning admiring, if not understanding, looks from the nursing staff.

    I could well imagine the odd whispered " you can bring that round my place anytime" I have had the occasional liaison with ladies of a nursing disposition who I could well imagine being pleased to receive 'an invitation to sit awhile' on a bench of such magnificence..

    In any event when the film of Furnivall is in the can we could I am sure use that bench in some yet to be dreamed up film involving Napoleon and/or Helena.

    It is certainly a serious contender for next years European tour of "the tramp and the bench" which I am penning this coming winter.

    Thank you for your vigilance comrade.

  22. AA Gill needs an HGV driving through his arse. Twice.

  23. Sheff - "A close relative is someone like a grandparent, brother, sister, aunt or uncle."

    Do they not know that a lot of pedophiles like to be called "uncle". Out of the mouths of innocents and OFSTED....

    The dreadful reality as I understand it is that an awful lot of abusers of children are family members.

    It looks to be a minefield for legal draftsfolk. Guess you can keep your chequebook in your bag.

    Come to think of it that's both you and BB with spare time on your hands and spare cash too.

    Have you ever thought of............plainly a wonderful investment .....opportunity.................chance to spend quality time with 'A' list people like..........tax deductible.

  24. Sheff (and Deano) - it's madness! They're protecting children against the people who are much less likely to abuse them than the ones who are not being protected against.

    AA Gill - not sure who he is, but read the piece and I reckon he ought to be tied up in a baboon colony, naked, with baboon pheromones spread liberally on his arse.

  25. Thauma
    He's just a gigantic cunt who writes about restaurants for broadsheets and is fond of casually offending various nationalities, using quite amusing prose sometimes. Apparently he's sensitive to criticism.

    Poor thing. He's going to have a very sore bottom.

  26. Thamua - Nice one for Gill - I think baboons are the one's with the large very red and voluptuous genitalia.

    Perhaps we could get someone with an artistic bent like Philippa or Stoaty to 'make up his arse' in a suitably deceptive way which might pass in a poor light - then apply the added baboon pheromones.

    Before strapping him to the 'unsuitable' scherfig bench (see 17.06 above) that bench really could excite a troop of baboons;
    then we have him run over by an articulated five axle HGV beore we arm the babs with the AK47's?

    Might have to clear it with the RSPCA first though.

  27. Hey BW - you remember when you/we/all rounded on some troll like person who inadvisedly suggested that Montana might be running an internet scam to divest Yorkshire tramps of their innocence?

    I forget when it was - last couple of weeks or so.

    He was plainly misguided but I had a sad thought when I heard recently on the local Yorks news that some sadly unhappy lady had been relieved of £46,000 in an internet dating scam.

    It was sad cos the lonely heart had remortgaged her home to send the money to what she thought was a USA military gentleman in Iraq to help him pacakage and transport 'his property' to the UK for their intended future together.

    She had never even met the guy - when the police were finally called in 'cos he didn't show, they gently explained that the photo he had sent was of a very senior American General who had only been to Iraq very briefly....once to inspect the troops. They did agree that he did look a splendid gentleman and that could not be denied

    A sad story I must say and the money apparently was last traced as far as somewhere in Africa.

    Now then Sheff about that investment opportunity in film.......

  28. Deano
    Indeed, there is as the cliche goes, sadly, one born every minute.

    The troll had it coming though. No one disses Montana.

  29. No one disses Montana. - Too true Bro.

    I guess you'll know that I've got a bit of cabin fever at the minute. Clocks back/forward/changed and several near constant days of wetness.

    The usual recipe for mischievous flights of fancy on my part....

    Happily for everybody I don't think even my new blutac connection is going to keep this machine running too much longer. It gets tedious when one person posts dis-proportionally in any one day.

    Most folk seem to have had a busy day elsewhere today...

  30. Deano I do think the bench may 'inflame' Mungo a tad too far. Best stick to more ordinary - yet stylish - fare. Did you manage to look up the artist with a whole calendar devoted to benches? Stay Awhile - love it!

    Btw - how do you all do that really clever thing where not only do you do a link but you call it what the hell you like. I.e. 'a bench'. If I try that I get www.abandqgardenersbench/saleitem/twelvepoundsonly/html/blahblahblah.... I am most intrigued.

    Deano - re Burton's reading of Under Milkwood - it is wonderful. But then he has the most amazing voice, makes one feel all overcome as it were...

    Re AA Gill - Jesus honestly. What a twat. Oh and Sheffield has been roundly dissed on the North/South thread - and by a northerner who says it is 'grim'. Not happy.

  31. BW - indeed, and you were superb in her defence.

    Deano - Funnily enough, someone I know has just been importuned in a very similar scam - although she was clever enough to be very suspicious and alerted the police (who were basically uninterested).

  32. PCC - the easiest way to do these things is to open a Cif window, have your way with it using the Link function, and then copy and paste in here. But the proper way to do it is as follows. Wherever I use a square bracket - [ or ] - use an angle bracket instead: < or >.

    [a href="website address here"]the text you want to use here [/a].

    Include the double quotation marks - they are necessary.

  33. PCC - I did look up your recommend. I enjoyed it a great deal but thought it an expensive (for a tramp) calender.

    My unstructured lifestyle means that really I don't have much use for a calendar - or a diary.

    Truth be known I haven't worn a wristwatch for about ten years. Not really an essential for a wild hippy (Gurdian reading) tramp. The last timepiece I had I wore for two years after it stopped at twenty past two. The bracelet then broke and it seemed silly to spend money on a repair.

    I very much loved the idea of benches in different settings/seasons and lights - in fact when everybody on here gets pissed off about me going on about benches in films/on tour/in litigation with supermarket managers etc etc..........I'm going to blame you.

    The responsibility for getting the final chosen bench into my Furnivall film is of course - all mine.

    I don't think you had joined us when I started allocating seats in the Furnivall boat - Sheff/MsChin/annetan42 and several others can explain the procedure - but it was my intention, having spent some time reading your posts, to offer you a seat there amongst the eight most magnificent women in Victorian Britain in my forthcoming film.

    Before I get complaints from the other girls about my over allocation of seats - be it known I have to have reserves and in any event I'm thinking of crewing a second eight.

  34. thanks Thauma - I will experiment. Don't laugh but I never worked it out in Cif either. I followed someone - I think it may have been Philippa - learning how to do it on one thread but was still stuck. I am going to have a go on a blank word document before I subject you all to it.

    Deano - if your blu tack gives out is there no way you can get hold of a netbook. That is what I use - it is brill and loads cheaper than a laptop (which I kind of wanted because I am trying to write something but could not afford it being reliant on HMG as it were.) It is also small and very portable. It was a joint birthday pressie from hubby, mum and sis. You would be very missed.

  35. BY the way I'm not 100% sure but I think the BBC Radio Under Milkwood that I mentioned this morning is a digitally remastered version of the 1954 broadcast when Burton was still a young man with a voice that could get a lady to divest of her undergarments in the next county.

    When it arrives and I have played it I will post the full sleeve notes.

    Fingers crossed - I certainly have the idea that "the tramp and bench on tour" thing I am working on in my head will include some background "lure" sounds involving Richards incredible voice.

    That bloody Taylor women.....

  36. PCC - Worry not I have more than sufficient to buy another machine if when. But thank you for your kind regard.

    I like this place and those who hang around here very much. I would not wish to leave.

    My problem will only be getting myself of my arse and going shopping or making an Amazon choice.

    Since I was a small child I have hated shopping and I only go reluctantly when I have run out of necessaries - which I usually buy in bulk.

  37. Deano I sympathise. I love shopping but not for anything technical as I am rubbish with technology. So I just told the other half and my mum that I wanted a netbook and that i wanted it as cheap as poss (none of us are minted right now) and they did the rest.

    It is great - being so small etc - but only problem is that it has a bit of a rubbish battery and needs to be plugged into the mains every couple of hours. If we had spent a bit more it would supposedly have lasted a bit longer. But I love it and it means that unless really, really ill I can at least get online and meet up with everyone on here.

  38. Deano - I knew we were kindred souls. I would rather poke my eyes out than go shopping. I can just tolerate book shopping, and must tolerate food shopping but the screaming infants in Sainsbury's mean that I have to go and lie down with a wet towel on my head afterward.

    I like the sound of your lifestyle; I am a born hermit myself.

    Re: men's voices: Marcello Mastroianni is the king. Alan Rickman has a very lovely and seductive voice also.

  39. Ha, thanks thauma

    Has ANYONE watched The Thick of It yet ? Jesus it's so good, just watched #1 of the new series again tonight.

    Malcolm Tucker says unrepeatable, insanely imaginative and creul things to juniour Cabinet Ministers that we will never have the opportunity to say... which is why we all love him !

    It reminds me of Larry Sanders somehow... (my favourite tv from the 90s - very twisted, very, very funny, tightly written stuff)

  40. Alan Rickman - he was wonderful in Truly, Madly, Deeply - and I loved all his bonkers friends who shivered in bed.

  41. Nite all, hurly one for me tonight...

  42. BW - I watched three episodes back to back on iplayer - it was bliss.

  43. Thauma - I knew that. I wouldn't have reserved the place in the boat for you else.

    Voice - well I'll hold judgment till I get me new CD. If it's the Burton recording I'm hoping it is: ......black ....coal black ( Don't have the text to hand - it's in me daughters cellar in Manchester) then I may just have a bootleg CD copy recording to light up your Xmas in mind.....


  44. Sheffpixie
    Indeed, can't wait til next week !

    The sheer creativivity of abuse Malcolm Tucker spits out... puts me to shame... we can all learn from that man ;-)

  45. I don't fucking believe it - the BBC can't sort out what me Son and his wife sorted for themselves last year - how to get into China via the trans-Siberian railway from Moscow. (You buy your ticket together with the visa)

    Bum boys - what the fuck that blue peter dick (Mark) teams up with a delightful Julia Bradbury ( whose bench I would have considered for my forthcoming film)

    If I wasn't a tramp who doesn't have to pay for a TV licence I would really be fucked off and asking for me money back.

    What crap TV - 'round the world in 80 days.

    They have no idea of spatial awareness and relevant distance.

    FFS - Horizon = a long spit and two quick wanks. What a waste of public expenditure to employ tossers who don't know that.

    I'm normally a BBC fan.

  46. Montana

    Pleased to able to tell you that I have decided that I can quite properly exercise some artistic license in my forthcoming film of Furnivall.

    I have been studying the shape of the Thames and the speed in which it flows towards the unsavory parts of London.

    There is a point in which I can signal to Sheff and MsC to row for the bank. I will there find you, a USA lady of appropriate and considerable intelligence who perchance is in town to visit her brother Dr Minor.

    We will exchange pleasantries, I will give you a card, you will decide not to return to the USA and instead to commit to becoming a serious oarswoman...

    It will make more sense when you have read the book .........then ....

    It's all a matter of the Euro lottery funding. I just have to win it.

  47. Evening all

    Late to the party as I have just been out celebrating my 14th wedding anniversary at a lovely froggy restaurant. Mmmhhmmm!

    Laughing at Deano - did you know that it Scotland "All his eggs are double-yolkers" is a way of saying someone exaggerates (eggagerates?) and embellishes everything they say? :o)

    That happened to me in France a coupla years ago though - half a dozen large farm eggs, all doubles. Awesome.

    Haven't read much else yet so back in a bit. Saw Lichtenstein's exhibition in London about 4 years ago - bloody brilliant.

  48. BB - I don't lie to my girls.

    Honest to god six consecutive double yolked - upon Denning's Hampshire Soul.

  49. BB - Happy Anniversary young miss.

  50. PCC

    I "downsized" to a netbook too a while back. Wouldn't swap it for the world now. Took me about 5 minutes to get used to the smaller screen, but the keyboard is just as functional, and I bought myself an external USB disc drive at the same time. Couldn't live without it now, and no way I am lugging a laptop about the place ever again!

    Deano - you must get yourself one. You would be sorely missed if you ever disappeared into the ether. x

  51. Deano!

    Sorry - I wasn't suggesting for a minute that you were lying because I have had it happen to me too! I was just commenting on the Scottish saying, which is something my mum always used to say about my auntie (her sister) :o)

  52. I know you weren't my delightful young friend.

    I just have to 'appear' stern for my forthcoming film...and play ................and ;-).

    A moments inattention and the crew of girls are away. I simply must stand firm for my art.

    Can you imagine where Sheff and MsC et al would end up if I did not.

  53. In parts of Yorkshire BB - when we do not wish to hurt we say she/he is a 'romancer'.

  54. Hehehe. "Romancer" is far more charming.

    I am going to have to abandon you too though Deano cos I am dog tired and need to get to bed!

    Night night all. x

  55. Happy Anniversary BB! Yep the netbook is a beautiful thing. I got a disc drive too and got Office on it etc and good to go.

    Deano - I too had a double yolk last week. Only one though! Actually - and cannot believe I am admitting this here - I thought it was a bad egg- all wrong like. But my sister told me it was a double yolk and seen as good fortune. She reminded me that the mother on Little House on the Prarie always used to be able to sell her double yolks for more to Harriet Olsen.

    Only thing is how did she know they were double yolks before cracking them? But six! That is good fortune indeed.

    Anyway nite nite all. x

  56. Night all - Michael Caine(tax avoiding/evading tosser of Billingsgate porter's son) get's up my tits these days.

    For a bloke who had a brother committed to a mental institution 'cos he was slow Sir Mike has, in my view, little publicly demonstrated awareness of reality.

    He makes me uncomfortable.

    Night all.