17 July 2009
Daily Chat 17/07/09
Busy date in history. In Russia, Sophie Friederike August became Empress Catherine II in 1762 and Tsar Nicholas II, his family and several retainers were assasinated in 1918. The Spanish Civil War began in 1936. Disneyland opened in Anaheim, California, in 1955. TWA flight 800 crashed off the coast of Long Island, New York in 1996, killing 230. In 1997, F.W. Woolworth closed after more than 117 years in business. In 1998, an earthquake in Papua New Guinea triggers a tsunami which killed more than 3,000 people and in 2007, a TAM Airlines flight crashed in São Paulo, Brazil, killing 199 people. Celebrating birthdays today: Donald Sutherland, Spencer Davis, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Camilla, David Hasselhoff, Angela Merkel and Jaap Stam. Today is the Yamaboko Junko in Kyoto.
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too many dead people... like wot I'm feeling after going to the JJ to watch the cricket... Not seen a first day at Lords like it in ooh donkeys...
ReplyDeleteHung over kiz?
ReplyDeleteCricket? surely not.
ReplyDeleteI have always thought that bottled oxygen ought to be made available for ladies who have problems with numeracy - it's such a fine a line between being fine the next day and the one too many. An small error of judgement by a lady is quite understandable to me, as indeed it always was to Frederick Furnivall.
ReplyDeleteIt's not something I would ever countenance for a chap but for a lady's pleasure to be interrupted by a simple lack of oxygen coursing around in the blood is really not on.
deano therefore sends Kiz a magnum of gift wrapped oxygen...............the only assured overhang cure
Which reminds me how I nearly killed myself by attempting to take the oxygen cure when I was much younger and still suffered from hangovers.
ReplyDelete(One of the few advantages in getting older is that hangovers become very rare or even non existent no matter how much you drink. The body simply gives up on the nonsense of trying to teaching an old dog a new trick)
At the time of my near demise I was working as a metal sprayer. Friction renders certain moving precision metal bits and pieces (like printing rollers) worn beyond tolerance. The answer is to rebuild them by spaying liquefied metal dust onto them.
Metal wire of the appropriate grade of stainless steel or copper etc is forced through a very hot oxygen acetylene flame. The resulting vaporised metal being directed at the object to be rebuilt.
It is a filthy job and the worker is protected with a divers type of full head helmet through which externally piped compressed air flows for breathing whilst he works away in a special confined cubicle.
Having once read that Spitfire pilots in WWII didn't allow the prospect of the odd dog fight to get in the way of sessions down the pub. They claimed that you could near instantly banish a hangover by breathing pure oxygen - I thought I would give it a try nothing ventured nothing gained so to speak.
It used to work well - I simply dismantled the oxygen pipe from the spray gun and stuck it up my helmet. Saturating the blood with higher than normal concentrations of oxygen always seemed to work a treat.
One day I turned up for work the worse for wear dismantled the pipe and nearly suffocated myself - you disaster movie aficionados will have already got it.
In my haste I stuffed the acetylene pipe into my helmet in error. Breathing deeply on the vile stuff I was just about to pass out when I realised my horrible mistake and just managed to rip the helmet off............a fucking close one I kid you not.
It will come as no surprise to read that it's a rainy morning up here in Yorks.
So wet and confining that I even read Thauma's suggestion last night of Tuesday's G2 article on the aged in old peoples homes - now that really is a grim read...
deano
Bet you could have won a fart lighting contest after the acetylene boost.
ReplyDeleteEvery cloud has...........a lighter side.
ReplyDeleteClass one Stoaty.
@ Montana
ReplyDeleteI read that F W Woolworth's in the US became "Footlocker". I can't quite imagine a younger Kiz working at a Footlocker store!
I also saw that Barbara Hutton's (the last Woolies heiress for younger readers) occupation was given as philanthropist in Wiki.
I guess with seven money grabbing husbands (Cary Grant excepted) to your name it's a fair enough description.
Ah at last it's stopped raining. I'm hoping it's going to damp things down - Mungo has developed something akin to canine hay fever. He has had endless fits of sneezing since last evenings walk.
Check Mungo's nostrils, those grass heads that look like barley can sometimes get up there. They are horrible things and work their way in.
ReplyDeleteIts another dull day on CiF.
ReplyDeleteYou know that its going to be crap when the thread attracting the most comments is one in which the merits of Graham Norton are being hotly debated.
Looks like I am actually going to have to do some work.
Sigh.....
@Vari:
ReplyDeleteNot even the Bea Campbell OBE op-ed on protecting the little kiddies from those nasty diddlers in the publishing industry?
With her (and her girlfriend's) background in fearlessly protecting hundreds of children from their evil, satan-worshipping parents, she's obviously exactly the right person to be penning that particular piece of mindless tripe.
Or indeed, if you're short of laffs today...
ReplyDeleteCheck out Stephen Hughes' picture here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/stephenjoseph
I think his dad was Herman Munster. Or Lux Interior. God knows what his mum looked like.
Cheers Stoaty - I was thinking if it starts up again I might take him down the vet for a more careful examination. Trying to hold his head still whilst looking through a magnifying glass is not too easy as a single handed activity.
ReplyDeleteHe had been in pursuit of a smell near barley when it started. Barley looks wonderful when ripe and moving in a gentle breeze in a field - but it really is the most itchy of the cereals.
Holy shit!
ReplyDeleteMum might have been Mrs Doyle...
That threads just pissed me off, her argument is no better than the one on ID cards which says if you've got nothing to hide you've got nothing to fear.
Actually, though Swifty, as far as laughs go '(barley) really is the most itchy of the cereals' will probably take me through lucnhtime!
ReplyDeleteVari - if you ain't tried a shag in a field a barley don't it's no pleasure my friend.
ReplyDeleteIt looks romantic - but folly pure folly!
deano.
Actually, I got his name wrong, it's Stephen Joseph. Which makes me think he must be somehow related to similar horror face Sir Keith Joseph...
ReplyDeleteJay, here's a nominee for one of your monthly awards
ReplyDeleteOn Adam Rutherford's Alpha thread:
disveteran
17 Jul 09, 12:36pm (15 minutes ago)
Does Love exist? If the answer is yes, then God exists; and all of the Holy Bible is true.
Does Sex exist? If the answer is yes, then Aphrodite exists; and all of the Greek myths are true.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just love a convincing, logically sound argument? (Thanks for highlighting it, thauma)
If the answer is no - then Frank Harris was a Saint and all was not in vain.... and perhaps part of the bible was true
ReplyDeleteIt's astonishing, isn't it?!
ReplyDeleteDo rubber duckies exist? If the answer is yes, then Bathtime exists and my dog's darkest nightmares are all true.
ReplyDeleteThat one is great, thauma!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea, where this string of thoughts could possibly lead, until it all makes sense in the end. Classy!
@ Thauma - I think it was while you were away. I actually found an opportunity to post the name Frank Harris on some obscure literary thread on CiF. and I even got three 'recommends' for it too much to my amazement.
ReplyDeleteThat had been a dull CiF day too and out of the blue I recalled Frank's name and became determined to find a place/reason to post it.
A book from a brown paper bag of my childhood in the late 1950's to a line on CiF more than 50 years later - what an odd place this sometimes is...
For those who have not had the pleasure of Frank - purv par excellence.("My Life and loves..") A formula for assured sex based on the Pareto rule.
He's on my reading list to be left for a grandson should I ever have the pleasure of having one.
deano
Stephen Joseph looks like a refugee from Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased). Or like he's being grilled by Earth's alien overlords.
ReplyDeletePeterGuillam has said all that needs to be said in response to Campbell.
ReplyDeleteI’ve just given his comment its 300th recommendation (do I win a prize?)
@Fencewalker:
ReplyDeleteIf he came lurching into the room with his bushy eyebrow arched just so and demanded "Better Transport or you die, Earthman", you'd listen wouldn't you?
@ Swifty
ReplyDeleteHe does have that 'mad monk' look about him now you mention it. Apparently Keith Joseph did have a son from his first marriage but I can't make a direct link.
deano.
Listen? I would very possibly wet myself.
ReplyDeleteBless Imogen Black over on the Bea OBE thread.
ReplyDelete"when I do workshops in schools I am never ever asked to provide a CRB cert"
I may have to wheel out the Legz Akimbo! Everybody Out clip again...
@Vari:
ReplyDeleteEven if it was delivered in a sinister, soulless, metallic monotone? A bit like Michael Owen's voice, only slightly less robotic?
With fear, Swifty, not laughter. (A lady wouldn't crap herself now would she?)
ReplyDeleteAh I see. You are wise beyond your years, young warrior.
ReplyDeleteThen again, he might talk like Alan Carr.
Frankly I would find that equally disturbing.
ReplyDeleteIt has come to my attention that some people may have had comments moderated in error on the Beatrix Campbell thread.
ReplyDeleteWe are trying out a new system and would suggest that people re-submit comments that have been moderated so that we may reconsider them.
Please add the phrase 'Fuck you mods' to your comment so that we know which ones they are.
Regards,
Matt Seaton.
If he spoke like Alan Carr that would be hilarious, but I'm entirely convinced he would have the voice of a Mysteron. And possibly the lights too.
ReplyDeleteImogen seems to be making a rather pointless attempt to defend Bea against Jay on WDYWTTA. I'd have thought that even if you agreed with Bea's point of view, she's the last person you'd want to be making it.
ReplyDeleteAh my rainy day is fulfilled and now complete - a second outing on CiF for a deano hero the superb Frank Harris. (one of Oscar Wilde's mates)
ReplyDeleteAnd joy upon joy posted in a bed for Catholics and next door to a posting by ImogenBlack. What could be more perfect??
If I'm moderated away I shall retire. It's not rude and it's not off topic.
Mungo to the vets now.
“it’s not rude and it’s not off topic”
ReplyDeleteDoesn’t really sound like one of yours at all, Deano ;-)
Nice one Andy with the 'swine flue'. I was gonna go for that one but couldn't be arsed to do it on its own. Played a blinder.
ReplyDeleteImogen seems to be making a run for 'Arse of the Week' on Bea's behalf.
Your response to imogen wasn’t too bad either, Fencewalker
ReplyDelete(I tried to insert Jessica's suggested high-five emoticon here, but I'm getting a message about my HTML not being accepted)
Maybe she and Bea can both be given the award this week, though we’d better check with Jay. He’s the awarder-in-chief, and I wouldn’t want to step on his toes...
That high 5 thing is pretty neat.
ReplyDeleteShitty Ark-requiring downpiss going on here with lots of electricity so it's precautionary shot down time.
ReplyDeleteI have a real problem with people like lovemymod when they post absurd comments on domestic violence threads. It's not the place for levity and I'm well pissed off.
ReplyDeleteI feel like making some NOISE
ReplyDeleteVery timely that was, original! Nice one.
ReplyDeleteDon’t feed the trolls, MsChin, just give them a slap and move on ;-)
ReplyDeleteandysays
ReplyDeleteRight, I'll go & watch corrie then ...
Glad you enjoyed it MsChin.
ReplyDeleteI got stuck in a massive queue on the mway home this pm and put that album on really loud. Brilliant. Didn't exactly relax me but I was at least angry and enjoying it rather than just angry.
< not serious >andysays - I hope you weren't implying I was a troll!< /not serious >
ReplyDeleteThanks, Watson! It's not very good as a proper logical critique - yours was much apter - but rubber duckies always make me laugh as did the original quotation.
ReplyDeleteDeano - Frank Harris - er - must look that one up! Best wishes to Mungo.
Matt - thanks for the heads-up and I will be sure to do so in future.
*TOTALLY serious* I’ve never encountered you here before, Original, though I see you’ve been a follower since before I arrived.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t like to dismiss anyone as a troll on the basis of one post, but providing a link to RATM makes you a little suspect, in my eyes.
Can’t you raise the level of political critique a little?
Maybe like these guys *TOTALLY serious*
Oh for goodness' sake: if you want guitar music done properly, ask Eddie for help:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVHrvx-Ua68
[I'm too stupid to do links properly]
*icy stare* I see.
ReplyDeleteNo one does icy stares like Johnny.
ReplyDeleteSo anyway, Original, welcome back to The Untrusted.
When were you last here? Why are you back? And what have you been up to in the meantime?
@ thauma
ReplyDeleteBit of a worry about Mungo - colinthestoat may have been right. It's looking 70/30 that he's got some sort of seed, possibly even a barley shard stuck in his breathing passages. Might just be possible that it could be a virus which is doing the rounds hereabouts - but my other dog is thus far sneeze free.
Vet can't see anything with his illuminated nose-scope. But he reckons that Mungo's sneezing fits which he has heard are pretty explosive by any standard! He shakes the van when he goes off on one.
A shot of anti biotic and a watching listening brief for the week end (max) then a general anaesthetic and a reverse saline flush back down his nasals to try and flush it out!
Frank Harris? - probably the most obscure author I ever read (a wonderful pornographer from the nineteenth/early twentieth century) Irish - a contemporary and alleged friend of Wilde. Only ever met one other person in fifty years who read him.
Nonetheless again tonight a mention of his name got three recommends over on CiF.
deano
Er well I have been about pretty much all the time, just didn't actually say much. I read this and cif at work mostly when running big 'ole database queries and so I can't actually do much else with my pc but web browse.
ReplyDeleteLast commented here when that cult thread went up on cif and every comment was premodded. I was annoyed as cif would not allow me to comment apparently (my user name is Scientologisacult).
Yea Original - I've seen you here within the last few weeks.
ReplyDeletedeano
I add my welcome too - not that one is necessary here.
andysays- never had a problem with it before but on that particular thread they preomodded everyone as they were afraid a certain cult who have a predilection for taking people to court might get upset if anyone implied that they may in fact be a cult. I submitted many comments, the first to see if they would let them by then a few more with relevant on topic points. None got through. *shrug
ReplyDeletedeano - hope that your dog is ok. had a rather stupid cat once that would eat pampas grass then try and cough it back up. it ended up stuck in her nose. 3 times the vet had to remove bits of the bloody stuff. it was fine going down but razer sharp on the way back up.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Jay should have called Tony Blair a cult, or maybe you should change your name to Scientologisacunt...
ReplyDeletei actually saw that andysays though i can't remember what she decided either
ReplyDeletehmmm is that a thinly veiled insult... or am i being touchy?
ReplyDeleteBlairisacatholiccultcunt.
ReplyDeleteFrank Harris's autobiography 'My Life and Loves' was probably mostly fantasy and lies. Did you know that Aleister Crowley, black magician and all-round weirdo lived with Harris for a while?
ReplyDeletePakichick is called ChicaM these days.
ReplyDeleteBlairisalyingcunt
@ anon - Yes I knew about Crowley.
ReplyDeleteWhat fantasy and lies though - my experience of the Frank Harris Pareto technique is that the yarn is more than plausible!
I have had more than one unexpected shag by trying it.
Cheers deano.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@ Montana
ReplyDeleteBlairisalyingcunt - fits nicer and looks finer on the page. You win the coconut dear young miss.
@ original - I liked the post you removed. Nothing wrong with a tin foil hat.
ReplyDeleteI failed the UK citizenship test
ReplyDeleteGot 13 out of 24 :-S
Something funny on CiF just now, I just refreshed the page on the domestic violence thread and I've got 2 post a comment boxes & no comments ... Anyone else seeing double?
ReplyDeleteNo? Well 6 minutes later and it's still the same ...
ReplyDeleteWould look MsChin but I can't remember my password. Or the password for the email I used to set it up... So I would need a new account and to be honest cif is so much less interesting to me these days.
ReplyDeleteMsChin
ReplyDeleteYou need to take more water with it, love... :p
Evening folks. I just realised I have been neglecting this place appallingly. Working like a mad working thing for the past three days, including loads of prep to do in the evenings. I am worn ragged and glad I get a lie-in in the morning. Phew. Saturday is breakfast day, as that nice Mr Rutger Hauer would say...
Got one eye on Shaun of the Dead at the moment too - god I love that film! Hot Fuzz was brilliant too. They make a great team.
I went to see Shaun of the Dead on my own as none of my girly mates wanted to see it and my blokey mates were away - was so self conscious going to see a film in a cinema packed with big groups of youngish men but laughed all the way through and soon forgot I was there on my todd.
ReplyDeleteYep - I just failed the citizenship test too.
ReplyDeleteI scored 16/24 circa 67% in 6 minutes off the top of my ill informed head.
Been 15 minutes now ..
ReplyDeleteoriginal
Don't blame you, times have changed on CiF
original: wasn’t supposed to be an insult, thinly veiled or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteMore like an oblique comment on the vagaries of language, cult/cuntdom and moderation on CiF.
I try not to throw too many insults about over here, but if I decide you’re deserving of one, I’ll try to make sure you’re in no doubt ;-)
Montana: yeah, ChicaM it was.
Haven’t seen her for a while though.
Deano
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about Mungo - hope he'll be okay. Here's something to cheer you up.
Bo Diddley
Ok andysays, I tend to over think sometimes and i'm in a funny mood tonight.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you don't like RATM (for shame) you would prefer love
Sheffpixie - are you Sheffpixie as you are in/from Sheffield?
ReplyDeleteMsChin - if it's the one about US immigration policy and bashed women ? It just allowed me to post a bit of (non provocative) nonsense. So BB could be right.
ReplyDeleteSheff - glad to see you on top of the flu/cold thing.
Mungo should be ok - Vet always says "this dog has the heart of an athlete." He is a very strong but gentle and an affectionate beast.
Had to buy an Itune copy of that pipe chap - liked it so much!
Well, I’ve never checked out the questions for that citizenship test before. Complete bollocks, IMO.
ReplyDelete“In which year did married women get the right to divorce their husband?”
I don’t know HOW I’ve managed to live as a British citizen for 44 years without knowing the answer to that one (1857, in case you’re taking notes, Montana).
But what I really want to know is, “In which year did UNMARRIED women get the right to divorce their husband?”
These people are the gatekeepers of British citizenship, and they can’t construct a simple question in the English language which actually means what they want it to mean…
deano
ReplyDeleteYep, it's back. And I don't drink, well, hardly ever!
Original: yeah I like a bit of Love, though my GF’s trying to sleep, so I can’t give it full blast.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don’t mind RATM either, TBH. I was just trying to get the measure of you after your *not serious* comment.
You may not have passed the UK citizenship test, but you’ve passed the andysays good sport test.
I’m sure you’re thrilled…
Amazing that 67% can fail the citizenship test
ReplyDeleteNot long ago it would have got you a II:(i) from an Ancient and a 2:(i) from something newer
Well andysays I got that one right but really by luck more than anything else. What did you get anyway? I am sure most native UK citizens wouldn't pass. I mean how many under 18 yrs olds are there? That's not a static number is it? Even if you knew from studying geography at school, the difference between say the 1960s and now must be huge and all the options are 1 million apart so you're still just guessing. And how does knowing that prove anything?
ReplyDeleteIf unmarried is what it says - well spotted andy I missed it.
ReplyDeleteA fucking nightmare - I can feel a new career as a citizenship coach coming on.
Deano: Master of the Crap and Obscure - for hire. (Cheap reduced rates to fans of Frederick Furnivall.)
I am the world's worst for retaining useless bits of knowledge - I blame an overdose of Trivial Pursuit at a young age - but I am pretty sure I wouldn't pass the citizen test.
ReplyDeleteWill they deport me?
Deano: Master of the Crap and Obscure, and spinner of fabulous and extraordinary yarns about life with a dog called Mungo - for hire. (Cheap reduced rates to fans of Frederick Furnivall.)
ReplyDeleteOriginal
ReplyDeleteYes - that is I am in Sheffield
Which bit? I went to uni there and loved it.
ReplyDeleteDeano
ReplyDeleteGlad you like my pipes man - am a bit pissed now so shall put him on and let him lull me to sleep
Original
ReplyDeleteHave lived all over the city - Netheredge, Hunters Bar, Broomhall, Walkley - currently in Pitsmoor.
Original: To be honest, I just read through the questions and didn’t bother attempting to answer them.
ReplyDeleteBut it’s lucky I’m not applying for citizenship because I doubt I’d have passed. Anyway, I’d probably have argued the toss over the meaning (linguistic and philosophical) of the questions and the right (moral and legal) of the questioner to pose them, and been immediately deported.
That’s just the sort of stroppy fucker I am.
BB - not if we here have anything to do with it. But that time in France could go agin you if Blair fails in his holy quest. The Bastard may blame and yours and that questionable Kennedy woman may seek your removal.
ReplyDeleteHowever, on a more serious note - we all have a duty to offer what assistance we can to our noble lady Montana should the occasion ever arise that she sits for UK citizen (of the decade).
deano.
MsChin - your warm flattery is well received. I have rearranged the seating plan in the boat yet again.
ReplyDeleteDeano: if you try to rearrange the seating in that Loveboat of yours anymore, you’ll end up sinking the lot of you!
ReplyDeleteI don't see how cramming to learn the answers to those kind of questions helps or proves anything or whatever it is that test is supposed to do. And yes it is badly written. Which must really help if English isn't your first language.
ReplyDeleteSheff - was next to West Street for a while then in Broomhall. But I really do feel that the number of hills was bordering on the ridiculous. Conduit Row for example. Even my car had trouble getting up that one. Is the Tower of Arts - oh no that's discworld, Arts Tower still there? I thought I heard it was gone...
We need to find a way of getting Montana here for sure. With the latest fiasco with the new rules for highly skilled migrants, I am getting quite up to date with all the shenanigans...
ReplyDeleteNo chance Andy - a capsize is out of the question it's a matter of skill. And perhaps a little discipline and determination in the face of adversity. I am supremely confidant nonetheless...
ReplyDeleteSheff's pipe music of the other night does it for me. If you like the sound of the whales singing each to the other - you may like the sound of the music to which they dance. I adore it.
deano
original: I’m guessing it’s just another load of NewLabour bollocks.
ReplyDeleteScene: Whitehall, day, smoke filled office.
Home Secretary (or whoever it was) “We’ll claim to be tough on immigration (tough on the causes of immigration?) by instituting some sort of REALLY rigorous test, and hope that no one notices it’s an ill-thought out load of nonsense, just like the last of our wonderful new initiatives”
Sir Humphrey “Yes Minister…”
Scene: north London, night, darkened bedroom.
ReplyDeleteAndy’s GF “Are you still on that bloody Untrusted site? Turn off the computer and come to bed.”
Andy “Yes dear…”
Night anyone who's left...
ReplyDeleteLikewise - night all
ReplyDeleteI took that UK citizenship test -- got 14/24. Should've had 16, but I second guessed myself on a couple of questions. I've got to say that they were really effed up questions, though. I'd have thought knowledge about the way the government works, rights & responsibilities of a citizen and cultural questions would have been far more pertinent than some of the statistical minutiae they asked about. But what do I know?
ReplyDeleteStill, if any of you can come up with a way to get me over there, I will love you forever! :-)
Night night people
ReplyDeleteDeano - hope Mungo is ok. Take care, both of you. x
My dearest young girl - should I ever find myself wifeless.
ReplyDeleteI would never dream of offering my temporary hand to another. You naturally construe/misconstrue our language in way that no other, save my sometime wife, does.
You are a star I should be pleased to have teach any of my hoped for grandkids. And my services as citizen coach would, in your case, be entirely free.
The test looks like a shit idea based on a money spinning book with self learning cassettes and videos and dvds etc.
67% - That's two thirds. Or in old money two legs and one arm or roughly like what 75% looks like in dim light. I live in a land of wankers you and yours would be most welcome change were it ever in my gift.
Best W dear friend.
It would have been nice to edit the above to make it scan. I plead visual limitation and I care not a jot if you do not believe me.
ReplyDeleteHope annetan42 reads this tonight or in the morning. I've not heard or seen of her for a while?
Hope no flu or other bugs girl. Best W.
Thaum - thats a pretty serious challenger for Cretin of the Week. I was so confident as well, perhaps foolishly, that "my" cretin would remain unbeaten for the whole 7 days. This is a real two horse race now. Or can we nominate Bea C for her whole article?
ReplyDeleteDeano,
ReplyDeleteTruly hope Mungo is ok.
That's in an equally serious enquiry ? - You Ok anntan42?
ReplyDeleteCheers Bro - he has the stamina of something quite else.
ReplyDeleteOr at least I hope - else I be hurt.
Regards.
Animals trust us, the poor little buggers.
ReplyDelete