14 February 2011


Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced that we are loved.
-Victor Hugo


  1. As you can see, I didn't install Intense Debate. I don't see any point in exchanging one set of problems for another and shutting out some posters to try to open things up for others. And if we install ID and then find out it's no better than Blogger, we will lose all comments made on threads that were done on the ID system.

    I guess we hobble along with the spam folder for now and hope that whatever is preventing Cellarman from posting gets worked out.

  2. Leni

    You asked where I am and I'm in China - hence my strange posting time.

  3. .

    Sobering thought

    The BBC reports that number of people being treated in hospital in the UK for alcohol misuse has gone from 500,000 in 2002-3 to 1.1 million in 2009-10.

  4. @ BTH, I think we're at cross purposes.. My point is that the "meritocracy" we have is as Young describes, and the term is his. As a separate concept, of course it stands alone and has antecedents as do all concepts. What I was saying all the way through is that thanks to the slipperiness of the concept (who defines merit and how...), though it is appealing to damn near everyone, it can and has been used in an after-the-fact way to justify inequalities and to shore up bastions of privilege, as per Young.

  5. Alistair Cameron

    Thanks for the clarification and I think we largely agree. Sorry for being obtuse but I had been celebrating.

  6. Morning all

    And a happy Valentines Day ;)

    Atomboy/Atomgirl - split personality?

    methinks we all have one of dose !

  7. La Rit

    One? One!!?

    Oh, wouldn't life be simple if we only had to wield a mere one!

    Pah! Amateur.


    The phones have been buzzing, the telex chattering, the fax whirring and the emails forming a virtual avalanche under the e-letterbox.

    It seems Rupert Murdoch has finally been shown the pigs!

    He is closing down his global media empire in the face of MakeshiftInEggnog's onslaught.

    The global media mogul brought to his knees by some tosser republishing articles from The Guardian.

    If only we'd known it could have been that simple!

  8. My brain has been wrung out a bit this weekend.

    Very emotionally charged, first the loss of Sir C, then seeing the Philharmonia Orchestra on Friday with Esa Pekka Salonen - mind blowing performance of Rite of Spring and then poetry all weekend.

    I am currently horizontal typing.... first time ever I've been in bed with me laptop!

  9. morning all

    often find horizontal is good for reading certain articles/comments...you can't fall over can ya! good example is Lolz's last effort on valentine's day...

  10. Atomboy:


    You are very funny ;)

    How many more permutations of MartyninEurope can you get.....???

    In light of this, you might like this poem:

    The Names of the Hare
    translated from middle English by Seamus Heaney

    The hare, call him scotart,
    big-fellow, bouchart,
    the O'Hare, the jumper,
    the rascal, the racer.

    The wimount, the messer,
    the skidaddler, the nibbler,
    the ill-met, the slabber.

    The quick-scut, the dew-flirt,
    the grass-biter, the goibert,
    the home-late, the do-the-dirt.

    The starer, the wood-cat,
    the purblind, the furze cat,
    the skulker, the bleary-eyed,
    the wall-eyed, the glance-aside
    and also the hedge-springer.

    The stubble-stag, the long lugs,
    the stook-deer, the frisky legs,
    the wild one, the skipper,
    the hug-the-ground, the lurker,
    the race-the-wind, the skiver,
    the shadow-shifter, the hedge-squatter,
    the dew-hammer, the dew-hoppper,
    the sit-tight, the grass-bounder,
    the jig-foot, the earth-sitter,
    the light-foot, the fern-sitter,
    the kail-stag, the herb-cropper.

    The creep-along, the sitter-still,
    the pintail, the ring-the-hill,
    the sudden start, the shake-the-heart,
    the belly-white, the lambs-in-flight.

    The snuff-the-ground, the baldy skull,
    (his chief name is scoundrel)

    Sadly not the entire thing but a great poem all the same!

  11. Gandolfo - good morrow!

    Yes, it's strangely good - the horizontal technique.

    I have not ventured into Miss MoneyPenny's latest.... I could do with a good belly larf.

    Fantastic stuff from the women of Italy this weekend.

  12. LaRit

    yes in some way...but it really should have been a national march against the government rather than that of identity politicking and moralism...don't get me wrong i despise the way women are side-lined in Italy, but I don't think this march will change a mentality or culture that is so dictated by the image of women as soley mothers, madonnas,wives, lovers and whores. The march was predominantly middle class and as they call here radical chic and advertised as a non political demonstration......jeeze how can it be non political....

  13. LaRit
    BTW great poem loved it all but this bit especially

    "the hug-the-ground, the lurker,
    the race-the-wind, the skiver,
    the shadow-shifter, the hedge-squatter,"

    reminds me of me hound.....before anyone says the old adage of dogs are like their owners is rubbish......

  14. La Rit

    How many more permutations of MartyninEurope can you get.....???

    I actually put together some code to put random "M" words together with random "E" words, with the "In" fixed between.

    Then I thought, "Fuck me! What am I doing?"

    Atomgirl says, "Hello!" by the way.

    (Or was it just me saying it in "her" voice?).

    PS Liked the poem.

    PPS Don't let the laptop overheat. You need to keep it clear underneath for the fans to keep it cool.

  15. AT, I said when they took MartynInExcelsis's big shiny 'C' away that it would all end in tears and so it's passed. Sod Rupe, the Scott Truss will be soiling their gussets and mopping it up with their pashminas. Trenchant political comment in two languages plus the inside skinny on bleeding-edge Iberian restaurant muzak? Put Polly in the poor house and send Milne and Monbiot down the pit. Game over. Or as we say in Spain, zee game eet is ovur.

  16. AB

    I actually put together some code to put random "M" words together with random "E" words, with the "In" fixed between.

    Wow, that's technical and also a little bit mad!! I am too techno-phobic to try any such thing :)

    Glad you liked the poem.... it also has the words "the gobshite" in the full version.

    "hello" to Atomgirl - it must be like being Richard E. Grant in 'How to get a head in advertising' - has she grown a mustache yet?



    It's an incantation.... if you read it out loud, you might turn into your pooch ;)

    Will discuss the Women's demo in a minute.. as Atomboy rightly pointed out, the lap top is overheating as wee speak.....arrrggghhhh

  17. RapidEddie

    Trenchant political comment in two languages plus the inside skinny on bleeding-edge Iberian restaurant muzak?

    I have to confess that I was too tearful with trembling admiration to actually see clearly enough to spot that, but I am sure it was there, along with...well, anything and everything that makes us feel like decent human beings and pioneers, taming the wild internet.

    Why did they take his little blue sticker way, do you know?

    Was it simply because they finally spotted that he was just a cunt, cunningly disguised as a, er, cunt?

    La Rit

    My avatar is actually Atomgirl and she does seem to be wearing a lipstick moustache, doesn't she?

    Perhaps I should put one up of me and see if you can spot the difference.

  18. Morning everyone

    Love the new strapline. Who bequeathed us that? Haven't read last night - was it jolly or another scratching contest?

  19. wee speak??

    I do think that it's a start of a sort of insurgency against Berlusconi though, however, the labelling of it as 'non-political' is really wet, in the true sense of the word. How can it be anything but? Are people as frightened of the word 'political' as they are of the word 'feminism'?

    Re: the march being predominantly 'middle class', it remains a fact that most revolution is instigated by or lead by the middle classes.

    An excellent take on this and the dysfunctional hybrid 'proletariat' is embodied in the Bulgakov book, the Heart of a Dog. Well worth a read.

  20. Melanie Philips sees Jan Moir, and raises her a call for homosexual stoning

    Melanie Phillips took an upper hand in the battle to become the Daily Mail’s most odious columnist by seeing Jan Moir’s suggestion that homosexuals can’t die naturally, and raising her a biblical stoning for all gays.

  21. Morning Sheff - thanks for pointing that out.... was it badpenny who coined that particular little gem?

  22. Bitterweed

    Or what lies in store for Lolz Penz and Bidashite once the glamour of youth wears off and they have to screech ever louder in order to be heard.

  23. hi sheff

    indeed LaRit twas badpenz....no doubt channelling the real penz...

    ....anyway coffee anyone?

  24. Blimey! I thought I was going to have to make it myself for a minute there.

    Got any biscuits?

  25. AB
    sugar, milk?

    no don't have propa biscuits ere lob a few digestives or choccie hobnobs would ya

  26. Gandolfo - just put a pot on.

    Am expecting no 1 son plus enfants masquerading as a platoon of mini commandos on a trash and burn mission at any moment, so need to be on my toes.

  27. Just milk, thanks.

    I'll just pop over to Antwerpia for some biscuits.

    It's the biscuit capital of the world, you know.

    Along with every other fucking thing, including, apparently, skips and rubbish distribution.

  28. AB
    i thought the biscuit capital was morrison's but i am a pleb.........

    oh and get ya skates on coffee'll go cold......book me in for the opera whilst you're there there's a love.......!!

  29. Penny has added another string to the bow, I see, after leading the student protest, and having been a burlesque dancer, we now learn she has Jewish ancestry. So, editors of the country, now you know another field that she can cover for you - anything Jewish or Israeli, call Laurie Penny!

    And, before you ask, yes she has Paelistinian ancestors too. And she used to be disabled.

  30. Atomboy
    Indeed - Bidisha was on usual form on Saturday - shit. She's looking more and more like yesterday's tempestuous youth I'm afraid. Lolita Peewee's defintely after her tiara.

  31. gandolfo

    They've got some special offers:

    1. Opera and ballet at half price with an all-you-can-eat pie and chips meal for two thrown in.

    2. No opera, no ballet but a jellied-eel throwing contest.

    3. No opera, no ballet, no jellied-eels but an all-day dwarf-throwing contest.

    4. An all day piss-up followed by a quick shag.

    I'm torn between 3 and 4 at the moment, but I don't want to influence you in any way.

  32. Jay

    She was also a black Chinese midget.

    And a man.

  33. Atom - I think she was also Kaiser Wilhelm II, Catherine the Great and Ghandi in former lives.

    And Jesus(who was, naturally, a woman).

  34. I heard she was also in 80s soft-rock outfit Styx.

  35. AB
    well funny you say 3 and 4........2 for the price of ! maybeez

    dwarf throwing could come in handy considering half the cabinet here are vertically challenged....

  36. penz it starting to sound like...... dare i say it the female incarnation of monotonousinespana

  37. We'll have no throwing of diminutive men round here thank you very much....

  38. gandolfo

    OK, I've booked us for their Big Whopper Super Society Saver - which had been missed off the original leaflet.

    You go to a new sushi bar, called YoGi! Blair! which features a full opera and ballet circling you as you eat. You then stuff a dwarf with pie and chips, jellied eels and beer. You then throw the cast of the ballet and opera at the dwarves, which have been lined up like skittles and you can shag the last one standing.

    Does life get any better?

  39. meerkat

    you wouldn't say that if you lived in italy and had berlusco and brunetta governing you.....

  40. we now learn she has Jewish ancestry

    Oh FFS! Not the old 'Jewish ancestry' line.... christ, it's so fucking predictable. Is she going to do a La Burchill and convert?

  41. ...Stop Press...Stop Press...

    Lolz Penz has just announced that she is actually Lord Lucan

  42. More hypocrisy and double standards from the Lowlands no 1 peroxided arsehole.

    One of the press and artistic freedom’s most trenchant supporters during the Danish Muhammad cartoon uproar a few years ago was Geert Wilders. Artistic freedom should be allowed to flourish and to poke fun at anything it wants. This was the bedrock of freedom and liberty said Geert.

    On Friday this cartoon was published on VARA’s (a national broadcaster) website. It takes the piss out of Wilders “Scum town” plan. The ‘T’ label refers to ‘tuig’ the Dutch for ‘scum’ and it’s clear how the cartoonist views Wilders.

    Suddenly Geert is no longer in favour of press and artistic freedom. After demanding that the cartoon be taken down which VARA refused to do, Wilders has since declared he will boycott political discussion shows and debates on VARA. As the regional elections approach, it’s clear he’s trying to play the victim card again.

    Free speech and artistic freedom is only universal when it comes to taking the piss out of Muslims, Immigrants and Brown people. Just so that everyone knows.

  43. "Lolz Penz has just announced that she is actually Lord Lucan"

    It gets better, on twitter 3 mins ago:

    "I am in fact Allah (PBUM). Memoirs still up for grabs. Offers welcome."

  44. AB, I have to admit I don't know of any other contributor who's had their big shiny Cunt [© lolpenz 2011] sign taken away from them. You could speculate that he kept pitching naff ideas to Jezzabella and wouldn't take "Fuck off and die" for an answer so surgically removing his contributor status remained the only option.

    Marty's problem is that this is identity politics land, and he's a middle-aged white male. What can he know of the suffering of poor people, lesbians, Jewish people, students and women in the media unless he actually is one of them?

    If there's a story du jour about impoverished Jewish lesbian student writers, whoyougonnacall? Probably not Marty. But if I was Bidi, I'd be looking over my shoulder. There's a pretender to the identity politics unicorn's crown.

  45. apparently Lolz had a masturbation bit in her valentine article that was edited out....rwadical or what.....

    she got 2 valentines from "radical left groups inviting" her "to join the struggle" jeeze don't they realise she IS the struggle.....

  46. Gando, yep, there's a distinct whiff of 'will this do?' about lolpenz's searching examination of Valentine's Day. Take away an obscure reference to a long-dead revolutionary and diplomat, and what you have is "Valentine's Day: it's all commercialized and stuff, innit?" Stunning.

    Mind you, she still has a long way to go to beat Simon Jenkins on an off (for-a-long-lunch) day.

    Money for old trope.

  47. Duke

    it's a similar story for the Northern league here they hate the EU because of their desire to split italy and the EU's "liberal" attitudes but when nasty terrorist, criminal illegal immigrants start landing off the shores of italy they start demanding help from them to sort it out despite not wanting to follow EU rules and treaties...

  48. @Jay:

    It’s the logical next step for Lolz – deification. Wonder what her fellow deities would make of her, though?

    Tephnut: I like what she did with that mountain. Way cool.
    Epona: She’s a proper thoroughbred, in my book.
    Baal: Me shag her.
    Hera: She’s my kind of gal. I like a god who bears a grudge.
    Buddha: Meh, she’s a bit Sturm und Drang for my tastes, but y’know, live and let live and all that...

  49. Jay

    Yeah, but is she Lionel Zelig?


    Yeah, it just seems such a pity that all those grunting, hunched dry-humps on the leg of feminism came to nothing.

    Strange, also, that he skidded off the backside of CiF at about the same time as the Braxternator and PenisMan and nobody seemed to notice.

    In fact, for all the little waves and coos and protestations of affection from the Antwerpian to the Penis, she does not seem to have noticed that he is no longer there.

    There is probably another explanation which does not include thick-as-pigshit self-obsession, of course.

  50. Morning all.


    The scary thing, if you saw Paul's second link from last night, is that, despite the cobbled-together-with-sticky-back-plastic-parental-supervision-and-the-channeled-spirit-of-a-Somali-goatherder-ishness of the Martyn Richard Jones Daily, he's actually had bona fide column/opinion space in an actual, proper newspaper other than The Guardian!!

    What with that, and the rise of the Penz, I'm starting to get quite an uncomfortable feeling. Like in the filums where the hero's seen the new president turn into a giant lizard and bite the head off a cute little puppy, but nobody believes him......

  51. James

    The mistake is in thinking that those who get to air the content of their brainz in internet or conventional publications are in any way purveyors of truth or actually competent to speak on whatever they happen to be writing about.

    They have gone into the news business like any other - as a way of making a living. It is no different from selling fruit and vegetables or waste disposal or fitting kitchens and I doubt whether the established journalists see it as anything other than a conveniently easy life.

    Virtually everything you read on CiF is just some git's opinion, which they have lashed together for payment, usually on the same principle as normal people apply to work, no doubt: minimal effort for maximum reward.

    What Little Ms Lolz illustrates is the ease with which, once you have shoved your way in, you get asked to write anything about everything, whether you have a clue or not.

    In that, though, she is simply doing the same as all the rest.

    We are governed by much the same principle.

    A bunch of cunts who managed to wear a rosette for three days without eating it or getting strangled by it; who managed to knock on a couple of doors without needing to call out the air-ambulance and who managed not to be sick on the baby or shit in someone's living-room.

    Given different circumstances, they would all be mending your washing-machine or asking if you wanted a VAT receipt at the local Shell garage.

  52. drops voice an octave and adjusts heavy, unconvincing gold bling in chest hair

    For all you laydeez out there, here's a Valentine from the Spikemaster.

  53. I guess there are worse anatomical drawings you could be sending about with that particular tag, Spike.

  54. Atoms,

    Well, when you put it like that.....

    I suppose one must relinquish the rather old fashioned notion that the media had at least some standards, and journalisticky types knew their shit!!

    (That'll learn me for watching Press Gang as a young 'un...)

  55. Well, I hope you proley scum are all happy now that cif have closed You Tell Us.

    Where am I going to go now to bleat on a daily basis about horrible men and chavs and the pretend working classes? How are the mentalists and the poverty-stricken going to get by without me bestowing my daily dose of pity and largesse upon them? How are people going to hear about my exciting, jam-packed social diary? (Apart from the Ciffers who can prove that I'm real because I have repeatedly claimed online to have given them a genuine email address, and with whom I converse occasionally on the electric telephone. Which proves I'm not a phoney, by the way.) And how will everybody know which weekend I'm having another £80 facial, or what my favourite museum exhibition de jour is, or when I'm next going to the opera with the dishy ambassador of the Backwardpoorpeoplean Republic of Revoltistan? It's simply too, too ghastly of the horrid Guardian to deprive all my fans of my astute political analysis and fashion statements.

    I don't suppose I can post here, can I?

  56. Super! They've just opened it again - it was closed for hours and hours! Must dash off over there straightaway.

  57. James

    That is just my opinion, expressed as a generalisation, so it is vague and no better than anyone else's ideas.

    The problem is that even what we regard as hard news, brought to us by "proper" reporters and journalists, as opposed to children who are still uncomfortable eating when they are not strapped in with bibs, is only ever a slanted version of events.

    The reporter will select what is included and rejected according to his or her prejudices and the people to whom he has chosen to speak and those whom he ignored or filtered out.

    He may have been given information by people who have an axe to grind and he may feel compelled to follow his publication or news channel's prevailing prejudices and standpoint.

    We tend to think that what we agree with is the truth and what we find offensive or ridiculous or incomprehensible must somehow be faulty.

    Basically, we should be pulling apart everything all the time in terms of news output, whether it is from those we believe or those we think are fraudsters and freeloaders.

    Just because we think we know doesn't mean we do.

  58. Actually, anyone with a blue 'c' who gets put into pre-mod loses their blue 'c' for the duration of their pre-mod. That's just SOP. And I know that it's happened to AllyF on at least one occasion. My guess is that MavisInEnumclaw got put in pre-mod without knowing that the disappearance of the blue 'c' was only temporary, got in a huff and walked away before he was let out of pre-mod.

  59. Oh, Brupples! Mwah! Mwah!

    Yes, it does seem that JezzaBella couldn't really care less about the poor little Dribblies, doesn't it?

    You would think it would be the first thing she would do when she arrives on a Monday morning, wouldn't you - open a new chat thread for the needy.

    Instead, she has a cup of coffee, chats, waters the pot-plants, looks at her horoscope, goes to the lavvie, does her nails, stares out the window, goes for a fag, picks here nose, picks her toenails, doodles with Tipp-Ex, checks her emails....

    ...actually, it seems that almost anything is more important than you, doesn't it?

    Did she ever tell you what the wonderful idea was that she had, intimated and let you all get headaches over wondering what your part was going to be and then just dropped?


    That will be because she doesn't give a fuck about you.

  60. Montana

    Yeah, but didn't he have some kind of meltdown about that time in which he threatened to sue virtual people for calling him an e-cunt?

  61. http://www.managementtoday.co.uk/news/1054634/Big-Society-Bank-faces-awkward-commercial-questions/#

    The BS Bank is to be run on commercial basis - must make return on investment. Ha!

    Morning all dafties. You all seem in remarkably high spirits.

    Off out for the day - enjoy yours, or what's left of it.

  62. Please don't be nasty, atomboy. Jessica actually thinks I'm one of Cif's most valuable contributors. She told me so just recently. Or at least she would have told me so if she'd had the time. Or if she didn't automatically skim past my many super posts. Or if she even knew I existed. Or even cared.

    Wait, you're right - she's a totally heartless bitch! From now on I'm going to impose a strict limit of no more than 25 posts a day. (Or maybe 35.) That'll show her!

  63. Atoms,

    I agree with that post (13:35) completely!!

    Oh, hang on a minute....


  64. Valentine's day in the Kingdom

    Every year, Haia officials (Vice & virtue plods) visit the shops a few days before Valentine’s Day, giving them instructions to remove all goods that have even the slightest hint of red, including roses, chocolate, wrapping paper and stuffed animals.

  65. Leni

    The BS Bank is to be run on commercial basis - must make return on investment. Ha!

    Couldn't they just ask people to donate their money so that it could make a profit?

    You know, like ordinary commercial banks.


    Oh, you funny little Bruppie, er, puppy.

    You know all those lovely Valentine's cards you got today?

    The ones the poor little postman had to huff and puff and heave up to your little lonely bedsit?

    Well, one of those was from JezzaBella, you silly little thing!

    Yes, the one with the stained ring from the bottom of a coffee cup. The one with the encrusted bogey on the back.

    The one you had to pay double postage on because hectic, hare-brained Jezza had forgotten to put any stamps on.

    You see, you are loved by the King and Queen of DribblyLand after all, so dry your eyes and stop snuffling like a little pug-faced Pekingese.

    Oh, and keep those lovely, insightful articles coming thick and fast, won't you?

    Can you do the one about the time you took a black baby to the opera to meet the gay ballet dancer who helps you buy clothes?

    Nobody ever tires of that one.

  66. AB
    you do make me larf..........black baby and opera

    whatever next.......

    italian princes called silvio......??

  67. Just between ourselves, atomboy, I'm afraid that I was bit naughty and spiced that famous story up a bit. Soz! LOL!

    The baby wasn't black, it wasn't the opera but an FC Antwerp match, the ballet dancer wasn't gay (or even a ballet dancer) and my mum buys all my clothes from Primark.

    It was a lovely story though, wasn't it? It actually made the ambassador splutter on his Ferrero Rocher! (er, Rice Krispies.)

  68. Leni

    Actually, these chaps who are supposed to be governing us and running the show - you don't think they might just be a bit thick, do you?

    It all seems a bit like toddlers playing with cars, where the patterns on the carpet are the roads. Then a cushion becomes a garage and a newspaper a supermarket car-park and a saucer an open-air swimming-pool.

    Cameron and his little chums are basically saying:

    "Yeah, we're going to have a Big Society."

    "Big parp!"

    "No, big poo!"

    "Stop it! We are going to have millions of people sweeping up leaves and putting old people into coal-bunkers and making dolls-houses for small furry animals and stuff."

    "Oh, yeah! How are you going to pay for it, then?"

    "I'll make my own bank, so ner!"


    Richard Branson of Virgin was flying out to China with Gordon Brown, who was, basically, going to sell him Northern Rock.

    Then - not months or weeks before, but then - they suddenly spotted a big hole in their master-plan.

    Beardy Branstone didn't have a banking licence.

    Ooh-er, Missus, what a pickle!

  69. What, like proper, official rice krispies, not the blue striped tesco value ones??

    Check you!!

  70. Little Miss Mupples

    Don't worry about writing things which have absolutely no connection with the truth whatsoever.

    It is actually now a requirement if you want to become a writer for The Guardian.

    Which, basically, you are, of course.

    Except you don't get paid.

    You just provide free content which nobody reads.

    Or ballast, as it is known in the trade.

    Big Society! Hurrah!

  71. gandolfo

    Yeah, sorry, still stuck in Antwerpia.

    On the final leg of the Rainbow-Baby-Painting competition.

    No sign of the dwarves or the shag yet.

  72. James

    Watch for the even cheaper, stripier Lidl variety.

    They are actually made from desiccated warts.

  73. I'm not allowed in Lidl anymore....

  74. Oh, they are just so picky about their clientele.

    Hoity-toity Lord and Lady Muck.

  75. This is me at the xxxx ambassador's private party back in the 80's! The two hunky gents in the picture were reputed to be ex-KGB men who were double-agents secretly working for my old boss and very good friend Kim Jong Il!

    anybody fancy a ferrero rocher?

  76. Well yes, Atoms.

    But I ask you, if you're going to build a store that opens til late, next to a pub, and then put the eclairs and other baked goods near where an inebriated, lost-his-trousers-and-underwear-in-an-unfortunate-misunderstanding man can easily grab them, what do you expect!!??

  77. Little Miss Puddles

    How selfless of you to give up the career in modelling which so clearly beckoned in order to entertain, enliven and enlighten the lives of several people in the media hotbed which is Dribbly.


    I can only imagine it actually forms part of their planning application.

    Never trust a supermarket which uses the same letter to both begin and end their name.

  78. Shall I actually do anything today?

    Nah, fuck it.

    Big Society, innit!

  79. AB

    "Never trust a supermarket which uses the same letter to both begin and end their name. "

    Are you a Waitrose, Morrisons or Tesco shopper then?

  80. Dott,

    My Mum and Gran have quite a complicated equation for choosing which supermarket to shop at for any given week.

    I'm not quite sure how it works exactly, but it does take into account the size of the bags of broken biscuits, price of 36 packs of toilet paper, and, judging by their cupboards, who's got the best deal on Angel Delight!!

  81. James:

    That sounds more complex than my parents' equation:

    Pre children moving out: Sainsburys basic (or economy as it was then)

    Post children moving out: Waitrose premier (or whatever it's called!)

  82. Sounds like my aunty, James. Corned beef features large, too.

  83. Yeah, corned beef and princes's'sess ham slab type stuff is a given obviously, but, as I understand it, that's from the just in case there's a war/apocalypse/bit of a kerfuffle before next week's shop sublist though!!

  84. Dotterel

    Actually, I am happy to say that we have no brand loyalty and do not consider supermarkets to be part of our lovely lifestyle choice.

    So, we use Asbo for things like cleaning products and bulk stuff, like lavatory rolls and washing powder.

    We use Waitrose for things like cheese and vegetables and fruit because they tend to taste more of, well, you know, food products, rather than the effluent from a chemical plant.

    We occasionally use Lidl when they have cunningly sent us a leaflet detailing certain products which are so cheap it seems churlish not to buy them.

    Oh, we also use Marks and Spencer and Holland and Barrett for some stuff Atomgirl gets, which probably involve goats at some stage of the production process.

    Beyond that, shops remain, happily, a mystery to me.

    My contribution is normally to stand around staring vacantly until it's all over.

  85. As for corned beef, I have eaten it as the main "stuff that goes between the bread" ingredient from when I started work until, er, today's sandwiches, actually.

    I never tire of it.

    Mmmm-Mmmm - mighty fine eating!

  86. We're clearly of the same gene pool, Mr Dixon.

  87. AB

    I see, I think you'll find however that if you're going to pick a sandwich ingredient and stick to it, marmite works best.....

  88. ...that's from the just in case there's a war/apocalypse/bit of a kerfuffle before next week's shop sublist though!!

    Yes, we seem to have a pretty dominant "siege gene" don't we?

    We feel the need to pillage the supermarkets at Christmas, despite the fact that they are actually only closed for one day.

    And the garage is open 24 hours 365 days a year.

    And the Co-Op is open from about ten til six Christmas Day as well.

    And the house is curving inwards at the top from the weight of food stashed into every available cupboard and architectural orifice.

    Just in case.

    Because the human body was never intended to be more than thirty seconds way from another square meal.

  89. And, for the full house, those luminescent fondant fancy thingies, for if guests drop in unexpectedly, like...!?

    Anyway, I'm off out. To the supermarket, funnily enough!!

    Have a good afternoon all!!

  90. Dotterel

    Despite the adverts insisting that we are only allowed to either love or hate Marmite, I go through phases with it.

    Sometimes, it seems the only smearable semi-food item which will keep me alive.

    Frequently, though, it seems an affront to human decency.

  91. Is there a factory somewhere, churning out grandmothers from the same mould?

  92. AB et al
    to me the biggest affronts are lemon curd...that and sandwich spread reminiscent of fresh puke chopped veg in salad cream....do they still sell it?

  93. of course forgot shippam's spread, cat puke tarted up for a delicious filling for school sarnies foul muck......

  94. gandolfo

    I think almost anything remembered from childhood is always a massive let-down.

    I tried sandwich spread a year or two ago, having remembered it as crunchy, colourful, tasty and full of exotic-sounding things.

    It turned out to be a snot-coloured sludge - tasting how I imagine snot tastes. (Remember to ask Gordon Brown if this is true).

    The same applied to Bird's Custard powder.

    I remembered it as a lovely, golden yolky-coloured creamy, thick confection of intensely vanilla-flavoured loveliness.

    Basically, it is just cornflour with a bit of colouring and almost no flavour.

  95. Fish paste was particularly unpleasant, as I recall. Marmite I can take or leave. Sandwich spread was OK.

    But corned beef! Oh the majesty of "corn-éd" beef... one of the greatest foodstuffs in the world!

  96. surprised that i haven't got CJD yet the amount of unidentified meat that i ate as a child

    corned beef hash was never a favourite....another cat food lookalike.....

    bovril was horrid.........

  97. Oddly, I also tried some Shippam's fish paste recently - crab was one, cannot remember the other - and was pleasantly surprised.

    I thought it gave the Waitrose Orkney crab pate a run for its money, although my expectation level was set pretty low at the pre-jar-opening phase of the adventure.

  98. Swifty

    I make (next to my Ma) - absolutely the best corned beef hash on the planet. If ever you're in these parts....

    Hot thick brown toast with dripping is also bliss! Unfortunately the only place you can get dripping butties these days is Barnsley Trades and Labour club.

    On the other hand - spam fritters and powdered egg I will only meet again in hell.

  99. @Sheff:

    Corned beef is one of the most versatile “foods made out of unnamed bovine remnants” you could wish for. You can eat it cold on its own straight out of the tin, or in a sandwich with Worcester (or HP) sauce... fry it up with onions or leeks... heat it up in a cup of beef tea or Bovril for soup... chop it up in a salad... curry it... cover it in batter and deepfry it (works best if it’s partly frozen though)... there’s no end to its versatility.

    And! you can also use the empty tin to have a quick piss in (the edges can be a bit sharp though, so take care with that one, fellas!).

  100. @AB

    I just buy small expensive bottles of water with a memory of Holland & Barrett.

    Unidentified meat? I've never since seen the liver they used to serve up at my boarding school in the 60s. It was green with tubes in. Served with cabbage that had been boiled for several days until it smelt like feet and watery grey mashed potato where the only solid bits were the eyes. Afterwards, it was semolina pudding with a spoonful of fluorescent pink "raspberry" jam with artificial wooden pips. Semolina, rice and tapioca puddings used to make me gag, but it never stopped them forcing me to eat them.

    Such, such were the joys.

  101. spike

    It was green with tubes in

    I remember that stuff with horror - and the rest for that matter. But even worse i think, was the tripe.

    Did you also get that vile pink blancmange? The best puds were spotted dick with dates and bread and butter pudding.

  102. spike

    i am gagging.....ta for that...

  103. So many lewd thoughts, so little time.

  104. Gandolfo and Atom

    I love sandwich spread i am going to pretend I didn't read those descriptions!

    Especially as I have 3 jars of the stuff in the cupboard!

    Agree about corned beef! mmmmmmmmmmmm!

  105. The slop they served up at my school was so spectaculary disgusting, the whole school (including teachers) refused to turn up for lunch one day in protest!

  106. Spike

    You can get the cheaper ones from Superdrug, but they tend to have false memory syndrome.

    As for school food, we were at one time allowed to leave a small amount of the clodded mashed potato, which came out of the serving spoons in spiteful little lumpy hemispheres.

    Until we tried to hide even worse things, like liver, underneath thin layers of smeared potato to conceal the coiled hepatic tubes and hope it would escape to the pig-swill lorry like a refugee fleeing underneath a tarpaulin in the back of a Jeep.

    Later, though, we found that you could simply scrape or throw - depending on the place on the glutinous to dehydrated scale the foodstuff occupied - whatever you did not like underneath the table and present a clean plate with just a sheen of grease and coagulated vomit.

  107. Put it this way, I only had a school dinner once, from there on in I brought my own marmite sandwiches!

  108. ”...So many lewd thoughts, so little time...”

    “Girlfriend in a tin” – the other use for an opened tin of warm corned beef! I forget so much these days...

  109. We used to get really vile dried mash potato when i was in junior school.

    Ane did anyone have a pudding that was supposed (I think) to be shortbread and nearly broke your teeth? They used to serve it with horrible pink custard.

    WE called it concrete with Windowlene!

  110. anne

    my commiserations re the SS...

    just seen on RAI news that mubarak is possibly in coma...can't see it anywhere else...planning an escape somewhere is my first thought......is tht cynical.......nope......

  111. Shilo that is really disgusting! ROTFLMAO!

  112. swifty

    “Girlfriend in a tin”

    Imagination in overdrive trying to work that one out. Would that be the large or small tin?

  113. Especially as my admission that I liked corned beef came (as it were) after your comment!

  114. Spike:

    You and your parents wuz robbed! My god that sounds particularly bad.

    Our school dinners in the State sector - circa 1975/6/77 - throught the early 80's were really not too bad.

    I mean, would you get dinner ladies who could actually cook Florentines (complete with orange and lemon peel and zest) these days? They even made their own custard.... I jest not, in our Comp. the food was good

    btw: If I hear Condom man once more banging on about his fucking 'passion' for the 'Big Society' I'll scream.

    However, the more your listen to it, along with the quote "I've been talking about this for the last 5 years as leader of the Conservative Party" you do begin to wonder how this genius manages to string a bloody coherent sentence together, let alone be capable of independent thought.

  115. I d'love Corned Beef and Corned Beef Hash, however, had to come back to it after a long abscence, because once I opened a tin and it had a perfectly cooked, preserved fly in it. Mmmmmm...

  116. @ Anne:

    Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.


    They do large tins of corned beef??? Why did nobody ever tell me?

  117. @sheff My mum was forever trying to give us tripe. Come Sunday evening, it was that or jam sandwiches. I opted for the jam. Blurgh, between that and her various attempts to convince me of the wonders of tongue, it's not really surprising I'm a vegetarian.

  118. We seemed to have chips with everything at my school.But i remember they used to do a wicked cornflake syrup tart.

  119. Tripe with salt and vinegar - I mean, wtf??

  120. Heh! the plain clothes police who were responsible for attacking protestors in Cairo are now marching to demand better pay and saying to the people they previously attacked - "sorry chaps we were only obeying orders!"

  121. I read Cameron's sorry excuse for an article today. Was heartening to read the responses, though.

  122. I, for one, am shocked, shocked and outraged to learn that David Cameron may be no more than a porkie-pie-peddler dressed in cunt's clothing.


    Deception Number Two: The Big Society. It is unfair that people keep saying the idea of the Big Society is "incomprehensible" and "unclear." It's actually a clear proposition, articulated plainly by Cameron. It is the belief that as the state cuts back its services, volunteers will step in to provide those services for free. So you can stop paying the local librarians, or the local youth club, or the local museum, and local people will step in and run it themselves, for nothing. The state "crowds out" volunteers, and when it retreats, they come flooding back.

    This is perfectly comprehensible. The only problem is that it doesn't match reality. To find out why, just look at the facts. The sociologist Amitai Etzioni conducted a major international study of volunteerism. He found that volunteering is highest where state funding is highest, and lowest where state funding is lowest. So high-tax Massachusetts has the most volunteers in the US, while low-tax Mississippi has the fewest. High-tax Sweden has the most volunteers in Europe, while low-tax Eastern Europe has the lowest. Far from "crowding out" volunteers, a big state attracts them, and a small state drives them away. Why? There are several reasons. A well-funded state can recruit, train and direct volunteers. And in a high-solidarity society, people are less panicked about losing their own jobs and more likely to trust their fellow citizens enough to want to give something back to them.

    If Cameron had bothered to look, he would have known all this. If he had wanted to increase volunteerism, he would have increased the budget to promote and recruit volunteers. Instead, he all but shut it down when he came to power. This shows that the Big Society was always a rebranding trick – a way of making the biggest cuts to public spending since the 1920s sound upbeat. I'm not taking away your library, I'm empowering you to run it!

  123. Oh god, the blancmange, I'd forgotten that. The only palatable dessert I remember was syrup sponge, as long as you didn't drown it with the watery custard with the rubbery skin on top.

    Re "girlfriend in a tin", in Portnoy's Complaint, he uses two pieces of liver if I remember, but I don't know if it was the green stuff or if New York Jews had access to attractive liver.

  124. Since I am pretty useless at recognising faces in real life, could someone please pop over to Reuters:


    and let me know whether it is just me - or is Cameron starting to look more and more like Nick Griffin of BNP fame.

  125. AB

    yep you could be onto something there...that jowly "I'm a cunt" profile gives it away

  126. Evening all.


    No, the resemblance was marked in that recent shot of Cameron wearing a black shirt (was it at Davos?). And gandolfo's right - it's the jowls.

  127. AtomBoy:

    It will come back an bite him on the arse - hard. Now also trying to market it as 'fixing our broken Society'.

    Well for one, our Society ain't that broken, but he, Pickles and OInKborne certainly are doing their best to smash everything to bits.

    I want to see the Shadow Government at the heart of the City of London opened up and then .....smashed to fucking bits and all that ill-gotten money plundered for the good of all.


    Just had a look at the Reuters link.... yep, he's started to morph into Nick Griffin.... the fat neck gives it away.

  128. Have a look at this one:


    Let's hope the media at large don't spot this.

    Is Spitting Image still on the telly?

  129. he really is a fat jowled f@cker isn't he AB.....

    as bad as the flaccid arsed resident dwarf and his euro side kick the french newt

  130. Remember the slogan: "New Labour New Britain"?

    It seems like things might finally be changing, with history being dabbed and sponged until even those stubborn, unmentionable stains are wiped clean.


    Final trace of New Labour will be erased

    The last trace of Tony Blair’s “New Labour” project could be erased by Ed Miliband, it has emerged.

    The Labour Party is considering abandoning the phrase New Labour in its email systems.

    Labour’s current email system has addresses that end with @newlabour.org.uk. Under a change expected in the coming weeks, that will become @labour.org.uk.

    Mr Miliband won the leadership last year after promising to move the party on “beyond New Labour”, departing from the centre-ground political brand built by Mr Blair before the 1997 general election..


    However, a source close to Mr Miliband said that the party has still not finally ruled out:

    "Broken Labour Broken Britain"

    as the new brand identity.

  131. gandolfo

    Yeah, they say politics is showbiz for ugly people, but they needn't take the ugly bit quite so far along the scale.

    Not sure you posted the right link, though.

    It seems to be a rare film still of Stan Laurel and Il Duce.

  132. AB

    off out to find a dwarf to throw.......shouldn't be difficult.........laters

  133. LaRit

    A fat head needs a fat neck to support it.

  134. Yup

    Clean up, chow and Corrie-fest for me.

  135. Leni:

    A fat head needs a fat neck to support it


    Our Dave - He's a veritable hydrocephalus on legs.

  136. Is everyone out doing romantic stuff with proper, real live humans that "love" them, and who haven't taken out restraining orders against them, and whatnot...??

  137. Is everyone out doing romantic stuff with proper, real live humans that "love" them, and who haven't taken out restraining orders against them, and whatnot...??


  138. No James.... Mr La Rit off werk today... cheap n tasty lunch, Narcissus and Daffs, lolling in front of TV and just about to go and get some more wine!

    Hello Ms Shaz ;) How are you?

  139. Hey, people - all okay here, thanks - looking forward to half-term - we've had two absolutely shocking weeks at work, but think things are looking up a bit now... Hope all's okay with everyone here?
    Anyone watching Panorama on Wikileaks?

  140. Is everyone out doing romantic stuff with proper, real live humans?


    (I don't think my other half knows that it's V. Day).

  141. Shazz - glad things are looking up :)

    Did you get the compooah problem sorted?

    MsChin - top comments on the call me Dave Big fucking bullshit thread btw....

  142. La Rit - yh, it now has a shiny new hard disk...

  143. According to this article the world is split into three categories when it comes to assessing the benefits (or otherwise) of new technology.


    Are you a "Never Better" a "Better Never" or an "Ever Waser"?

  144. "yep, he's started to morph into Nick Griffin."

    A bit like the way people eventually start to look like their poodles?

    We had a nice dinner at home. I made tapas, twas lovely, I've had a lot of wine. :-) The loveliness I live with is currently doing the dishes. Funny, I don't normally 'do' valentines.

  145. chekhov

    Are you a "Never Better" a "Better Never" or an "Ever Waser"?

    Just a plain old internet addict, I think.

  146. @MsChin; hehe, that's one of the points the article brings up.

    Have a read I'm sure you'd find it fascinating.

  147. Read it, chekhov, and it is interesting.

    Off to bed now, so NN from moi.

  148. Ooops, sorry MsChin, I wasn't watching the clock. I assumed you were commenting on my byline. Sorry about that.

  149. No "night shift" tonight then?